Monthly Archives: August 2010

Jimmy Carter Makes Modest Headway In Ongoing Bid For Historical Relevance

Posted on August 31, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula Historical footnote Jimmy Carter has managed to secure the release of Aijalon Gomes from North Korea. Gomes had been sentenced to eight years hard labor under the autocratic regime of the dying, but still comically despotic Kim Jong-il. … Continue reading →

Posted in Asia, Crime, History, International Relations, Justice, National Events, People, Politics, Relationships, World Affairs | Tagged Aijalon Gomes, Bill Clinton, Bill vs. Jimmy, comical despots, do-gooders, Euna Lee, Habitat For Humanity, historical footnote, historical footnotes, hostages freed, I just called 'em both 'LingLee.', ineffectual presidents, Jimmy Carter, Kim Jong-il, Laura Ling, North Korea, one-termers, President Carter, President Clinton, skonks, Slick Willy | 8 Comments

Manny Ramirez Now Chicago’s Problem

Posted on August 31, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula The Chicago White Sox claimed Manny Ramirez on Monday off waivers from the Los Angeles Dodgers. The White Sox hope that the rapidly aging abuser of female fertility hormones will be able to deliver enough with his bat … Continue reading →

Posted in Baseball, Culture, Games, National Events, People, Sports | Tagged American League, anabolic steroids, Baseball, baseball trades, cheaters, Chicago White Sox, cleared waivers, female fertility hormones, good riddance, human choronic gonadotrophin, Los Angeles Dodgers, Major League Baseball, Manny Ramirez, Minnesota Twins, MLB, National League, really huge knockers | Leave a comment

Feud With Manson Family Now Officially A ‘Beef’

Posted on August 30, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula Corcoran State Prison, California: Messianic fantasist Charles Manson is said to be upset with website Promethean Times over some material which appeared on the site. On August 17th, Promethean Times published an article entitled Helpful Hints For Everyday Life: Family … Continue reading →

Posted in Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Music, Mythology, People, Prison Culture, Relationships, Social Networking | Tagged Abigail Folger, California, Charles Manson, Charlie, Charlie Manson is batshit crazy, comical spelling errors, Corcoran State Prison, crazy fucker, crazy people, cult leaders, Helter Skelter, Irene Folstrom, Manson Family, mass murderers, mental illness, Tate-Labianca Murders | Leave a comment

Skanks In The Crosshairs, Part II: The War To End All Whores

Posted on August 27, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula After issuing a string of denials over the past several weeks, the White House abruptly reversed itself yesterday, admitting the existence of Presidential Policy Directive 24601. This admission ends the mounting speculation regarding the anti-skank directive, dubbed ‘Hobegon‘ by some in the … Continue reading →

Posted in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Human Rights, Justice, National Events, North America, People, Relationships, Satire, Social Networking | Tagged Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, celebriskanks, childish sexual innuendo, David Gregory, did you see that thing about herpes--she really is a slut, Hobegon, Horn Dog Deomocrats, Joe Biden, John McCain, Meet The Press, Nicole Polizzi, Obama Administration, Obama's war on skanks, PPD 24601, President Obama, Presidential Policy Directive, pro-skank Democrats, Robert Gibbs, Sir Let Us Tan!, skankery, skankism, skanks, skin cancer, skonks, Snooki, Snooki's arrest, tanning, the beach ball problem at Chavez Ravine, United States of America, untalented stars, Vice President Biden, what IS the singular of Cheetos? | 6 Comments

Things Worth Hoping For: Bert and Ernie

Posted on August 26, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula Even love has its limits. How much longer can Bert endure Ernie’s unending cavalcade of tedious bullshit?

Posted in Crime, Critters, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Humor, People, Relationships, Television | Tagged Bert, Bert & Ernie, Bert is the man, celebrity breakups, Celebrity Death Watch, celebrity deaths, domestic violence, Ernie, firearm-related homicides, good manners, muppet-on-muppet violence, murder, proper behavior, Sesame Street, spousal abuse, the love which dare not speak its name | Leave a comment

Douche Honored In Only Place That Will Have Him

Posted on August 26, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula Bud Selig, the Commissioner of Major League Baseball and former owner of baseball’s vestigial Milwaukee Brewers, is immortalized in bronze outside of Miller Park. Observers called this a testament to Milwaukee’s desperation for recognition beyond alcohol-related infamy. Selig’s is … Continue reading →

Posted in Baseball, Culture, Games, General Foolishness, People, Places, Sports | Tagged Aaaaaaaaay!, Allan Huber Selig, Arthur Fonzarelli, Atlanta Braves, Baseball, Bud Selig, Commissioner of Major League Baseball, Fonzie, Hank Aaaron, Major League Baseball, Miller Park, Milwaukee Braves, Milwaukee Brewers, MLB, Paul Molitor, Robin Yount, statue, the Comedian, the Fonz, the Watchmen | Leave a comment

Oxnard, California

Posted on August 26, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula An Oxnafact: The town of 200,000 was named for sugar beet baron Henry Oxnard, who had the good sense to never go anywhere near the place.

Posted in Culture, History, North America, Places | Tagged California, foul-smelling burgs, Henry Oxnard, Lord of the Sugar Beets, Oxnard, stinky places, sugar beet baron | Leave a comment

Skanks In The Crosshairs, Part I: Twilight Of The Strumpets

Posted on August 25, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula The 21st Century promises to be a cold one for women of easy virtue. Harlots, hos, sluts, wayward girls, hussies (both brazen and wanton), tramps, Run-Around Sues, bad girls, seductresses, chickenheads, homewreckers, libertines, gold diggers, skanks, loose women, hose-monsters, skeezers, camp tramps, … Continue reading →

Posted in Constitutional Issues, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Justice, Music, National Events, North America, People, Reality Television, Relationships, Scandal, Social Networking, Television | Tagged 21st Century, AIDS, American Freedoms, anti-skank bigotry, Barack Obama, bigotry, Brazil, Britney Spears, Canada, celebriskanks, China, Co-Ed Sex Tryouts, crazy bald Britney, death by stoning, Europe, Flower of American Skankhood, Girls Gone Wild, India, intolerance, Joe Francis, Kim Kardashian, Lawrence Fishburne, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, man-skanks, Mary Kay Letourneau, Montana Fishburne, Nicole Ritchie, Obama Administration, Obama's war on skanks, Paris Hilton, prudery, sex tape, Sexual Revolution, Shannon Elizabeth, skankery, skankism, skanks, skonkery, skonks, straight-to-DVD, Tara Reid, Thailand, United States of America, Vili Fualaau | 2 Comments

Will Pirouette For Respect

Posted on August 24, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula Ballet has long been known as both an aesthetic and athletic endeavor, entwining beauty and ability into a single art form. In its physicality it is not unlike more traditional sports, and in fact requires a great deal … Continue reading →

Posted in Art, Culture, General Foolishness, Music | Tagged ballerinas, ballerinos, ballet, ballet as a metaphor, ballet-loving freaks, beer, danseurs, disc golf, football, get the gay out of ballet, heterosexuality, homosexuality, homosexuality in ballet, mime, pork rinds, professional wrestling, quasi-athlete, sports, We trust Wikipedia as far as we can throw it, you got a real purty mouth | Leave a comment

Indisputably Good News

Posted on August 24, 2010 by Smaktakula

By Smaktakula Feared dead two weeks after a cave-in trapped them a third of a mile beneath the earth, 33 Chilean miners were recently found alive. A caveat: It’ll take a few months to reach them. Hang tight, Boys! Help … Continue reading →

Posted in People, South America | Tagged Chile, Glee, good news, happy thoughts, mining industry, miracle, miraculous, rejoice, sunless tomb, trapped Chilean miners | 2 Comments

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Monthly Archives: August 2010

Jimmy Carter Makes Modest Headway In Ongoing Bid For Historical Relevance

Manny Ramirez Now Chicago’s Problem

Douche Honored In Only Place That Will Have Him

Oxnard, California

Will Pirouette For Respect

Indisputably Good News

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