Something Must Be Done About Blond Guys With Dreadlocks

By Smaktakula

Race has always been a contentious topic, never more so than in today’s overcharged, media-driven fishbowl.  Issues of cultural heritage are similarly sensitive.  A longstanding and often-fiery debate continues over the question of whether the cultural properties of a race are best kept within the purview of that specific culture, or whether these formerly cultural properties be adopted by the greater culture at large to reach their full significance, thereby risking dilution.

If You Find Yourself Asking, "Why Do Dreadlocks Look Great On This Guy, But Make Me Look Like An Asshole?", Take A Few Deep Breaths And Do Your Best Not To Swallow Your Own Tongue. Promethean Times Is Here To Help.

There are no easy answers to this question, and we will not attempt any here.  Instead, can we all agree right now that blond guys need to stop wearing their hair in dreadlocks?

It Should Not Be. How Can A Loving God Let This Happen?

Promethean Times fails to see the appeal in going through life with a filthy piece of macramé clinging to your scalp.  It would appear that nature agrees with our dim assessment of the hairstyle’s aesthetic value, based on the dubious quality of the soupy pool from which these bipedal lhasa apsos are forced to choose their mates.  There are certainly more hygienic ways to attract a mate, and lacking a hairstyle that readily identifies you as a douchebag greatly increases your potential to perform intercourse with a partner who has both an established pattern of bathing and at least a nodding acquaintance with a razor.

At Least These Two Aren't Spreading Their Aberrant Chromosomes Among The Normals.

There is a danger here more insidious than simply looking like a dickhead.  Although cultural watchdogs are particularly vigilant against cultural theft, no one is guarding against the danger that more insipid elements of white culture will find their way into black culture.  Witness this disturbing back-door attempt to introduce the mullet into Rastafarian culture:

Curiously, Smaktakula Feels In No Way Hypocritical In Wanting To Beat This Punk's Lily-White Ass.

No blond man, no matter how good-looking, has ever been anything other than a pitiable clown buried under a snarl of dreads.  Anyone who thinks that he might be the blond Philosopher’s Stone, gifted with the miraculous ability to transform shit into chic, is dangerously deluded.  Unfortunately, until these misguided souls accept that cool-looking dreadlocks are forever denied them,* the rest of us will have to suffer these flesh-and-blood Raggedy Andys.

*And you can forget about not looking like an asshole while fast-dancing.