On which douchey theocrat Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini vociferously expresses his displeasure with Salman Rushdie‘s The Satanic Verses. The tactic proves so popular that it remains the Islamic community’s preferred method to redress grievances both real and imagined.

"Okay, First Of All, I'd Like To Thank Everybody For Coming. I Know You All Had To Take Time Out Of Your Busy Lives, But It's Great You Could Be Here. A Couple Of Special Mentions Before I Forget: Thanks To Faisal And Mohammad For Donating The Envelopes. Also, Everybody Remember To Thank Ibrahim's Boss For Letting Us Use The Stamp Machine. Okay, Let's Get Down To Business: Remember, When Writing The Publisher To Express Your Hurt Feelings, Be Firm But Polite. After All, We Don't Want To Sound Like A Bunch Of Crazies, Am I Right, Guys?"

We, the public, are easily, lethally offended.  We have come to think of taking offence as a fundamental right.  We value very little more highly than our rage, which gives us, in our opinion, the moral high ground.  From this high ground we can shoot down at our enemies and inflict heavy fatalities.  We take pride in our short fuses.  Our anger elevates, transcends.

Salman Rushdie