Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong Champion Of Tolerance

By Smaktakula

"Believe Me, I Know I've Hurt People, But I've Learned My Lesson. Would I Do Something Like This Again? Not A Chinaman's Chance!"

When It’s Funny ‘Cause It’s Hateful.

In a stunning turn of events, comments which only days ago had been considered astoundingly offensive have now been revealed to be clever satire.  “I thought more people would get it,” says Alexandra Wallace of her clever satirical rant, “But they didn’t.  Not at first.”  The spunky UCLA student’s anti-racist message was misconstrued, leading viewers to believe that the provocative statements were Wallace’s views.  “No way,” says Wallace, “Racism is gay.”

It's A Jewish Guy Pretending To Be A Culturally-Backward And Casually-But-Brutally-Anti-Semetic Kazakh Who Exposes Bigotry By Acting Like A Bigot. Sacha Baron Cohen Is Not A Racist--He's Only Perpetuating Ignorant Stereotypes To Get A Laugh.

Wallace, who grew up on the hard streets of the suburbs, knew she wanted to devote her life to fighting racism even before she matriculated at UCLA.  Still, she isn’t sure where her quest will take her, as she doesn’t like to call herself a performance artist, nor does she see herself specifically as a comedian, “Although I think people like to laugh at themselves,” she says. Wallace considers herself a ‘Stealth Philosopher.’  “I like to blow people’s minds without them knowing it.”

Because Nothing Hurts Worse Than Words.

Wallace’s now-infamous YouTube performance was modeled on the loveable bigotry of progressive sitcom characters Archie Bunker and the ‘Even-Funnier-‘Cause-He’s-Black’ racism of George  Jefferson, and delivered in a delightfully self-aware homage to Andy Kaufman.  “I’m just like Borat!” she squeals.

Really? It's Just Because Of The Asian Thing That You're Mad At Alexandra? There Isn't Anything Else About Her That's Bothering You? Maybe Something You Think Is Just A Little Bit Unfair?

But things didn’t turn out as Wallace had planned.  It didn’t take long for Wallace’s video to go viral, but the altruistic student was surprised by the backlash which followed.  At worst, she expected her words mind garner some mild tut-tutting, as when Jesse Jacskson insulted Jews by calling New York Hymietown or when the Gaff-o-Matic Joe Biden marveled that a black presidential candidate could be both clean and articulate. “I guess I forgot to take a good look in the mirror this morning,” Wallace says.

For Reals. We Read This Through A Couple Times, And Apparently There Just Isn't Any Protection For Your Hurt Feelings. Yes, We'll Look Again.

Although she had expected some grousing from purists who didn’t approve of her radical method for delivering her message, Wallace could in no way have been prepared for the firestorm which followed.  Although Wallace didn’t say anything which isn’t being said right now in America’s comedy clubs, she failed to take into account how being a blond–and therefore presumably privileged–white girl only served as a degrading example to other girls who were not, and could never be, blond white girls.

"Seventy Years Ago, My Great-Grandfather--A Loyal American Citizen--Was Deprived Of His Property And His Rights When The US Government Imprisoned Him During WWII For The Crime Of Having Parents Born In Japan. Now That I've Been Forced To Hear These Terrible Comments, I Know Exactly The Horror He Experienced."

“With the edgy stuff we see on TV–there’s a laugh track to let us know when someone is only pretending to be racist.  But Ms. Wallace provided no such mechanism. We thought it was racism,” says UCLA Chancellor Gene D. Block.  “That’s why we hounded Ms. Wallace out of school and contributed to the lynch mob mentality.”  Shaking his head he whispers, “If only we’d gotten it a little sooner.  She could have made it easier.”  He went on to add that picking on Asians was an especially contentious issue, since with the exception of age-old cultural prejudices against blacks, whites and even other Asians, this sort of intolerance is not seen at all in Asia.

We Get It--Racism Hurts. Wow, We Haven't Seen You This Upset Since The Time You Thought You Saw Your Sister Talking To A Black Guy.

Wallace agrees.  “It’s my own fault.  I didn’t take into account that all Asians–or ‘Orientals,’ as they prefer to be called–lack a sense of humor.  Everyone knows that you need a soul to laugh.”  True to character, Wallace remained stonefaced, pretending confusion at the nervous titters which greeted her statement.

People Were Once Able To Use The Term 'Lovable Bigot' While Keeping A Straight Face.

But with Wallace’s biting diatribe revealed to be satire, the misunderstanding has been put to rest.  UCLA has asked Wallace to come back–but not as a student.  Starting in September, Wallace will teaching a seminar on sarcasm in the new media.  Wallace has put aside her own educational plans for the moment to pursue a career in front of the camera.  “I love it,” she says, “LA is awesome, but there’s kinda a lot of Mexicans.  They drive really gross cars and they don’t talk English.  And can I say that there are WAY too many homos here?”

"What Pisses Me Off Is That Smaktakura Depicts Me Talking Rike A Cartoon Asian. God Dammit! You See! He Doing It Right Now! Me So Angry!"

Hate can be funny.  But serious hate is no laughing matter.

UPDATE: Apparently, earlier reports claiming that Wallace’s unconscionable racial hate screed was satirical in nature have been revealed to be false.  Given that no sensible person could find anything remotely humorous in her comments, Wallace must be seen for the ugly hate-monger that she is.  Despite the many striking resemblances to even more incendiary but also more socially instructive characters like Borat, Archie Bunker and George Jefferson or the similarities between Wallace’s comments and those of edgy comedians like George Carlin or Lewis Black, the former UCLA student uses her words to hurt rather than heal. There are those who say that the young woman has suffered enough for what were essentially harmless comments, and who see something unseemly in the smug, contrived anger of this recent witch hunt.  Ridiculous.  We question whether Wallace’s complete ruination goes far enough.  We can only hope that Wallace develops a hideous and painful wasting disease.  Maybe then she’ll understand just how much words hurt.

It's Okay To Laugh; It's Just Hate For Pretend. Right?

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11 Responses to Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong Champion Of Tolerance

  1. Last Laugh says:

    She’s making $80,000 a year now. Your hatred failed. She moved on. You never will.

  2. Jessica says:

    This was absolutely outrageous. It angers me that reverse racism has gone so bad as to cause that poor girl so much harm just for making OBSERVATIONS. I live in Japan, and the same thing happens here. I can’t speak for other Asian groups of people but for Japanese people, that sort of thing (grandmothers doing everything for the families, kids never learning personal responsibility or self-awareness, especially of their own volume) happens a lot. They even have apartments here that come fully furnished with laundry service AND prepared meals, to deal with the problem of young adults lacking any independent skills.

  3. says:

    Jessica, you are a typical indignant white person in Japan who suddenly sees racism everywhere, when she never saw herself doing it to others when SHE was the maority

    . Just like Shari Custer, you try to propagate some ridiculous imeage of childish, imbecile university students in Japan who need daddy’s money and mommy’s hand. Have you actually attended university in Japan? Have you? No, you clearly have not. Apartments coming furnished with all such services cater to the WEALTHY, not living skills-handicapped.

    Kids never learning self-awareness or personal responisbility? In Japan? Are you kidding me? Where these things are drilled into the heads of children from preschool? Have you even raised a child in Japan and putthem throug its educational system? Clearly not- and I suggest you pick up a copy of ‘The Japanese Educational Challenge’ – written by a white woman, incase you need validation from a white, and a lowly nonwhite.

    The sam thing never happens in Japan. NO STUDENT in Japan goes on NicoNico Douga or Youtube posting disgusting, vile racist videos attacking the way people talk, making exaggerations, and being nasty and vitriolic. It does not happen.

    Where does it happen? With Alexandra Wallace. In a nation constantly at war with some other country. In a nation constantly occupying another SINCE ITS BLOODY INCEPTION. In a nation that has historically condoned racism and allowed it to fester while making half-hearted, superficial overtures against it. In a nation where Muslims are the new blacks/Japanese-Americans. In a nation where racial hatred is a regular part of comedy sketches and evangelist programs. In a nation where you are constantly harming others across the world – but yet with a population that never, ever questions it.

    Reverse racism? Try the military-worship that you Americans practise. Which has you all defending Robert Bales, who scammed a senior retiree couple out of 1 million dollars – 1 MILLION – and then, shot in the head 7 Afghani kids, 9 adults, and burned their bodies.

    She mocked the 15000+ tsunami victims, Jessica.

    Get your comparisons and priorities straight, lady.

  4. Chelsea says:

    fuck this racsist homophobic ugly fat bitch, thats what i have to say! and NO shes not making 80,000 a year “last laugh” hahah your a dumbshit and so is she, now who’s got the last laugh stupid. hope shes chokes on dick

    • Smaktakula says:

      We’ll agree to that, if you’ll agree that it’s unwise to call someone a dumbshit using such iffy grammar and punctuation that it would shame a meth-maddened hillbilly.

  5. Katie says:

    This girl is a gross human being, racists, homophobic not to mention ugly.

  6. Umakhdoom, I’m not denying that ugly things have occured in America’s history, but show me one country where some sort of wrong was never done. In Japan the Ainu people were treated with the same contempt and cruelty that both blacks and Native Americans combined have suffered here. third-generation Koreans born in Japan still have to apply for naturalization. And as for “bloody,” don’t get me started on WW Two. The slaughter in Nanjing, the torture of POW’s, the medical experiments similar to what Nazi doctor Josef Mengele did on Jewish prisoners.

    US History looks almost saintly compared to Japan’s history. And inspite of all its prejudices, America is a nation of immigrants welcoming those who come the right way and integrating them. In Japan if you’re not of pure Japanese descent, forget it.

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