By Smaktakula
In which we opine on various news headlines without reading the articles.
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The Costars: Jim Carrey paired with penguins ~ With each film Carrey reaches further down the evolutionary ladder in his thus-far-futile search for a less-talented co-star.
Hackers group says it will attack Iran Sunday ~ The best attacks are unannounced.
Armless Dude Throws Out Ceremonial First Pitch At Dodger Stadium ~ Figuratively, one assumes.
He May Look Dangerous, But Actually He's Quite Armless.*
Police Bust Cockfighting Ring at Texas Children’s Party ~ We hope they’re talking about chickens.
Were Navy SEALs justified in shooting an unarmed Osama bin Laden? ~ Funny–the dodo and the passenger pigeon were just debating that very thing!
American Indians object to ‘Geronimo’ as code for bin Laden raid ~ Geronimo is a hero to Native Americans and an inherent part of their culture. The tribes also objected to the code names ‘Bingo,’ ‘Blackjack’ and ‘Whiskey.’
Come On Now--Jack Daniels Does.
South Korean man found crucified in abandoned stone quarry; police investigating ~ Hopefully the authorities kept an eye on him for a few days–a couple millennia ago, one of these things got a little out of hand.
The University Has No Clothes ~ Sounds like the college we remember.
Harry Reid Injured by Parked Car ~ He has great health care, so why not?
Fake Bin Laden Photos Fool Some Lawmakers ~ America’s legislators, like her public, are remarkably easy to fool.
Turns Out This Is A Fake.
Wearing Only a Smile, Nudists Seek Out the Young and the Naked ~ And how is that different from what sexual predators do?
Man killed in tractor collision has been identified ~ To get yourself killed in a collision involving vehicles which travel slowly in straight lines and rarely meet, you’ve really got to be trying.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
SHANIA TWAIN NEARLY LOST VOICE OVER DIVORCE ~ Currently she and her ex share joint custody.
Teen high on bath salts allegedly kills neighbor’s goat ~ Bath salts? Who gets high from bath salts? Get yourself some nutmeg or Robitussin-DM at your local Albertsons. While you’re there, grab a couple whippets.
"I Can Hear My Hair Growing! Can You Hear It? It Goes 'Skriiiiitch! Skriiiiiiitch! Skriiiiiitch!' Oh God, I Am So Fucking High Right Now."
Bath Salts? Wow, now that’s some creativity. Who says kids don’t think outside the box anymore?