Monthly Archives: July 2011

Platinum-Headed Hos

Posted on July 29, 2011 by

By Smaktakula The myriad intricacies of the English language allow for a kind of magic.  We’ll demonstrate this through the following verbal feat, in which by the addition of a single adjective, we’ll transform a conversation-killing question into a social … Continue reading →

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Furries

Posted on July 28, 2011 by

By Smaktakula It must come as a sobering realization that your life’s purpose is to outfit yourself like a junior college backup mascot.

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74 Years Ago In Promethean Times: Sorry About Your Blimp, Hans

Posted on July 27, 2011 by

By Gomer Bagg Friday, May 7th, 1937.   In our coverage of yesterday’s Hindenburg tragedy in New Jersey, Promethean Times’ writer Irving Smaktakulawcyz  made several explosive statements which, given the scope of the horrific disaster, were at the very least ill-advised.  Readers … Continue reading →

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Worst. Lifeguards. Ever.

Posted on July 26, 2011 by

By Smaktakula There is something uniquely cathartic in the stories of those knuckle-dragging subhumans whose idiocy staggers belief, allowing us to bask in the knowledge that no matter how wretched we are or bereft entirely of common sense, there’s someone … Continue reading →

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Hitler’s Belgian Origins Questioned

Posted on July 25, 2011 by

By Smaktakula Most objective observers will readily agree that not only is Promethean Times one of the world’s leading outlets for critical news and hard data, but is also darn near infallible.  As much as we would wish otherwise, these powers of … Continue reading →

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Singer Amy Winehouse Dies Of Old Age

Posted on July 23, 2011 by

By Smaktakula A shocked world grieves:

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The Eternal Pervert

Posted on July 22, 2011 by

By Smaktakula The line between healthy skepticism and credulity is razor-thin.   Sorry, kids–Michael Jackson is dead. Jim Morrison?  Dead. Kurt Cobain?  Dead. Lindsay Lohan?  Tick . . . Tick . . . Tick . . . You’ll notice we … Continue reading →

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Nothing Good Comes From Touching Yourself

Posted on July 21, 2011 by

By Smaktakula Smaktakula’s long-ago Sunday school teacher was on to something–masturbation is a quick road to ruin.  A San Francisco man is fighting for his life after discovering the heartbreaking realities of the devil’s handshake. The  unidentified man apparently burst … Continue reading →

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North Korea: Crazy For The Orympics

Posted on July 20, 2011 by

By Smaktakula You have to admire those plucky North Koreans.  Starving, impoverished and confined to a backwater shithole that makes Yemen look like Westchester County, the North Koreans still manage to delude themselves with dreams as distorting of reality as … Continue reading →

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Headlines VII

Posted on July 19, 2011 by

By Smaktakula Nothing but headlines.  You should know by now, folks–we don’t read so well. *** Hugh Hefner Already Has New Girlfriend ~ However, her name is being withheld since she’s a minor. Confessions of a Gay Christian Country Singer  ~ My … Continue reading →

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