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Monthly Archives: August 2011
Get To Know Promethean Times
Some things you should probably know before reading Promethean Times: * We take ourselves every bit as seriously as you do. If it’s not funny, that means you didn’t get it. Readers who miss the point are invited–encouraged even–to comment … Continue reading
Posted in News
Tagged Arturo the Pool Boy, Cameroon, discrimination, equal opportunity offender, integrity, Jack T. Chick, John Edwards, misanthropy, missing the point, Promethean Times, reacharound, self-promotion so shameless that it borders on hucksterism, short people, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, Tardsie The Backpack, Why am I so stupid?
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Respect Mother Earth Or The Space Aliens Will Destroy Us All
By Smaktakula Aliens may be forced to destroy humanity so that the universe might live. Such a scenario is possible, says Shawn Domagal-Goldman of NASA’s Planetary Science Division, wherein these galactic stewards of the environment may be compelled to launch … Continue reading
Posted in News, Science, Stupidity
Tagged Al Gore, Al Gore is the political Art Garfunkel, Bush Doctrine, Care Bears, cooties, extraterrestrials, for your own good, galactic armada, Homo Sapiens, NASA, outright lies, Planetary Science Division, scientists, sexual harassment, Shawn Domagal-Goldman, unremitting virginity, we know best, WWI
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What You Don’t Know About Martha Stewart
By Smaktakula For one thing, she never went back. Martha’s got her mind on her money and her money on her mind. That’s a good thing. ∞T.
TripoliWatch 2011: For The Love Of Condi
By Smaktakula For the second time in months, the public has been treated to a TMI-moment courtesy of a sun-addled madman. First there was the protein-drenched horror of Osama bin Laden’s Pakistani whack-shack, which forced a disgusted audience to envision the … Continue reading
Could You Be An Asshole? Dealing With Ingrates
By Smaktakula If you’ve ever said to someone “You’re welcome” without first being thanked, you’re most likely an asshole.
Posted in Culture, Stupidity
Tagged Could you be an asshole?, douchebaggery, gratitude, ingratitude, Jimmy Fallon, Nick Burns, you're welcome
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Gayness Audit Results In Downgrade For SF
By Smaktakula Who’s taken all the gay from the Bay? The question has haunted the fog-shrouded streets of San Francisco since last January’s gay audit, in which the flamboyant city suffered a humiliating downgrade. In a nationwide survey, gay-themed magazine, … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, News, Politics
Tagged California, childish sexual innuendo, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, fisting, Frisco, fun with stereotypes, gay meccas, gay people, gay rankings, homosexuality, leather daddies, Minneapolis, Oakland, Pittsburgh, San Francisco, San Francisco Giants, Smaktakula's hatred of the San Francisco Giants, St. Louis, the Advocate, they love to hear it called Frisco
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Tanker Trunks
By Smaktakula A jarringly useless and embarrassing way to die is in a fiery conflagration set in motion when you become mesmerized by your own car’s image in the highly-reflective back of a particularly shiny tanker truck. Sparkly! ∞T.
Seattle: Coffee Poseur
By Smaktakula No American city is more closely associated with coffee and coffee culture than is snobbish Seattle, Washington. From the Emerald City’s brief turn as America’s self-obsessed ‘It City’ in the 1990s, certain aspects of the Seattle phenomenon persist … Continue reading
Posted in Culture
Tagged advertising, Canada, Christianity, coffee, coffee culture, Columbia, culture, Guatemala, It City, Ivory Coast, King County, Lewis County, Mexico, Pierce County, places that suck, poseur, Seattle, Seattle's Best Coffee, Smaktakula's vendetta against Lewis County, Snohomish County, Starbucks, T-Town Forever, Thurston County, Uganda, United States of America, urine, Vietnam, Washington, you suck so bad Lewis County so so bad
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Burt Reynolds Prepares For Recurring Role As Filthy Homeless Person
By Smaktakula Mustachioed 70s fixture Burt Reynolds claims to be surprised to find that his Florida mansion is in foreclosure, despite not having made a mortgage payment since September of last year. Times are lean for the toupee-abusing former icon of … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Cinema, News
Tagged 70's era machismo, bad toupee, Bennigan's, Bill Clinton, Burt Reynolds, Dom DeLuise, Florida, gold digger, hard times, has-beens, Liza Minelli, machismo, Me Generation, moochers, mortgage, mustache rides, the reek of the homeless, tiresome anachronism, Where Are They Now?
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Depardieu’s ‘Euro-Nation’ Stunt Deemed Derivative And Unoriginal
By Smaktakula Bloated French nonentity Gèrard Depardieu attempted to make a splash Tuesday morning in what appears to be a copycat urination attack. The sweaty Euro-pérvert, inexplicably famous for something somewhere, apparently mistook an airplane aisle for a Paris sidewalk, … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Cinema, Crime, Culture, News, Stupidity
Tagged actors, Americans, childish sexual innuendo, choking the chicken, cock, creepy old perverts, douchebaggery, Emil Haagerdäddi, Frenchman, Gèrard Depardieu, golden showers, has-beens, Paris, Paris is a sewer, places that suck, public urination, Robert "Sandy" Vietze, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, the French, United States of America, urination, World's Rudest People, your mother must be very proud
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