I ♥ That Sweet, Sweet Ass!

By Smaktakula

There's An Old Saying: "If You Can't Find Love In Zimbabwe, Take Yourself To A Place That's Not Quite So Shitty And Try Your Luck There."

Zimbabwe has worked hard to achieve its worldwide recognition as an unlivable hellhole.  As difficult as it may be to believe, Zimbabwe (formerly known as Rhodesia) was once one of Africa’s most prosperous countries.  However, since assuming power in 1980, race-baiting kleptocrat Robert Mugabe has managed to line his own pockets while driving the wretched country spiralling into an economic deathspin.

But for a brief, impossibly delicate moment, one young man thought he had found a little oasis of delight in this broken land of ruined dreams.  Sunday Moro was in love, his miserable life suddenly given meaning and joy through requited affection.  Sadly for young Moro, his was a love his neighbors in the village of Zvishavane simply could not countenance.

We Can't Really Blame Mayo's Love Problems On The ChocoFührer, But God Knows--He's Turned Everything Else In Zimbabwe To Shit.

Trouble came one dark morning at 4:00 AM, when fellow villagers found Moro making sweet, sweet love to his amour, whom, in a fit of kink, the young man had tied to a tree.  The puritanical villagers wasted no time in denouncing the lovers, calling their union “unnatural” and “an affront to all that is holy or even decent.”

Surprisingly, She Cares Not At All For The Donkey Punch.

The love-smitten fornicator tried to explain that, yes, he was fucking a donkey, but could provide an explanation he felt would satisfy his toughest critics.  According to Moro, the beast of burden had been an actual human prostitute when he’d picked her up the night before for $20 US.  However, in addition to being both physically attractive and a great conversationalist, Moro’s beloved was apparently a powerful sorceress, who transformed herself into a donkey shortly before the interlopers arrived.

According to the AP, Mayo said, “I think I am also a donkey. I do not know what happened when I left the bar, but I am seriously in love with (the) donkey.”  Sunday Mayo’s unusual appetites can teach us all a thing or two about the mysterious powers of love:  not only is it color-blind, but also apparently non-speciesist.

"Where We No Longer Tolerate Donkey-Fucking."

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