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By Smaktakula


On which, not unlike our superstitious, cave-dwelling, moon-worshipping ancestors, we seek guidance on the mysteries of nature from a hyperthyroid rat named Punxsutawney Phil. Legend has it that if Phil sees his own shadow on February 2, you’ll be doomed to repeat the same awful day of your life–taking piano lessons,  assaulting insurance agents and killing time with Chris Elliot–until you mend your selfish ways.

Punxsutawney Phil Is No Less Reliable Than This Asshole.

Regardless Of Whether He Sees His Shadow, Phil Can Expect Six More Weeks Of Buggery.

This post is dedicated to Ned Ryerson, and to hard-working insurance professionals throughout the United States and Canada. ∞ T.