By Smaktakula
See? No Matter How Shitty Your Life Is, You Can Take Comfort In Knowing That You're Not This Smegma Blossom.
In which we celebrate the faults & foibles which make us mortal. Humanity, you are beautiful!
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Jordy Prepares A Photo For His Match.com Profile, Confident That Somewhere Out There Is A Gal Who Wants To Swap Fluids With A Freakish Human Pineapple.
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El Hombre Del Volar La Comadreja, The El Salvadoran Batman, Is A Lot Like The Gringo Version, Except That He's A Little Softer Around The Middle And The Batcave Is A Rusted-Out Ice Cream Truck.
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Here's Some Free Wisdom, Folks: Live Every Moment Of Life As If Your Ex-Girlfriend Might Be Watching.
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There Are Many Ways To Ensure That Your Son Will Own A Massive 4X4 With Trailer-Hitch Testicles As Soon As He Can Drive. This Is Just One Of Them.
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"Hey Is That A Skittle? My...HUH!...My God! It Is! FEED ME THAT GODDAMN...HUH!...GODDAMN SKITTLE RIGHT...HUH!...RIGHT GODDAMN NOW! *RONCH! RONCH! RONCH!* HUH! HUH! My God--That Was So...HUH!...HUH!...So Fucking Good."
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At Least Grandma Died Doing What She Loved--Living In A Bizarre, Dementia-Drenched Fantasy World.
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We Can't Afford To Be Seen With You, That's For Darn Sure.
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It Can Be Tough To Watch, But Sometimes You Simply Have To Trust That Mother Nature Knows What She's Doing.
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Yeah, Ha Ha, But Jimmy Has The Only Science Fair Project That's Worth A Damn. In Real Life, You Will NEVER Encounter A Situation Requiring You To Fashion An Electromagnet Out Of A Fishing Weight And Some Old Copper Wires. What Are You, Fucking McGuyver Now? YOU ROCK, JIMMY!
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You Need Only To See The Terror In That Tiny Creature's Eyes To Know That While You're Distracted By The Epic Mullet, FiFi's Getting Fucked.
The digniciousness just rolls off those pictures.
After it runs away from the people in them.
On might even say ‘Oozes!’ Thanks, Guap!
This is why you shouldn’t post pictures of yourself on the Internet!
I don’t know what impresses me more:
1) that you know what the word smegma means or 2) that these people are so self-confident, they didn’t feel the need to destroy these images. (And as a huge fan of popcorn, I’m definitely not dissing Jimmy.)
Thanks for your comment, C! Re: smegma (colloquially known as ‘dick dirt’)–if it’s a dirty word (or at least inappropriate) I make it my business to know it.
My mom often told me that vulgarity was the sign of a poor vocabulary. Although she was a brilliant woman, I think she was wrong on that one. Every naughty word you know is just one more arrow in your vocabularic (however, lazy creature that I am, I’d rather use a coinage than look up the adjectival form of ‘vocabulary’) quiver.
I even like words which sound dirty, but aren’t. I just learned ‘melisma‘ the other day.
or Santorum.
Well now that’s just grosser than gross.
Oh man…those pictures are really worth a thousand words.
And the captions are a bonus, so really, you’re getting anywhere in the neighborhood of 1,010-1,060 words–ALL FOR FREE!
Gives a whole new meaning to ‘Say Cheese!’.
Don’t know whether to laugh or shudder–so I’ll do both.