The Roots Of Evil

By Smaktakula

I hate those people who love to tell you
Money is the root of all that kills
They have never been poor
They have never had the joy of a welfare Christmas


Sometimes a noble and worthwhile notion becomes lost within the confines of a hidebound maxim, its actual truth rendered forfeit to inflexible dogma. Among many such maxims is the old chestnut, “Money is the root of all evil.”

Remember, Folks: It Isn't The Money That Makes Him An Insufferable Cock.

It’s easy enough to believe. We’ve all known accounts of children who go hungry for want of money to buy food, and have perhaps been victims of theft ourselves, and know the hurt that greed can bring. A big wad of cash, after all, is enough to end a life. Conversely, we must also remember that money can  save a life, or many lives. Money can be used to buy food for that starving child. Money is a tool, and more than that, a concept; it is not evil in and of itself.

"I Didn't Do It For The Money, Man! I Did It For Love! And Because Steely Dan Said I Should."

To demonstrate money’s relative innocence in human evil, one has only to imagine Adolf Hitler, universally regarded as a wicked, wicked man. Hitler, although regularly used as a yardstick against by which various dictators, as well as to the last two American presidents, have been measured, was a uniquely iniquitous person, despicable enough to make even the devil blush. But for all his epic malignancy, there aren’t too many people who will argue that Hitler was in it to turn a profit.  Quite the opposite, in fact. It has been demonstrated time and time again that the abrupt removal of Jewish people from the community leads to an immediate and catastrophic implosion of the economy.

"So This Putz Is Thinking Maybe There's Someplace He Can Find A Good Lawyer For His War Crimes Trial? 'Good Luck To You,' I Told Him."

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10 Responses to The Roots Of Evil

  1. crubin says:

    It’s kind of like the expression “money can’t buy happiness.” Well, maybe it can’t, but it can sure make life easier by taking away the stress of worrying about where the next buck comes, which in itself opens one up for more happiness. It can also get you out of crappy jobs like cleaning a fast food restaurant bathroom or folding plus-sized underwear and bras at Target, two jobs I just happen to know a little bit about…

  2. Alex Autin says:

    I refuse to believe that money is the root of all evil…however I haven’t been around enough of it to conduct a full and proper study.

  3. El Guapo says:

    Money doesn’t kill people. People kill people.
    With money.

  4. Steely Dan just wants to make groovy dad music. Not start Helter Skelter.

  5. dragonhuaw says:

    Cool entry. Love the sarcastic writing. It is true money is simply a tool that people invented, and a tool is definitely not capable of being the root of all evil.

  6. Some Guy says:

    I vaguely recall a Bloom County strip from many years ago in which one of the characters—I can’t even remember which—says that “money can’t buy you love, but it does improve your bargaining position.”

    Not sure why I remembered that, since I was maybe eight at the time and was generally much more interested in the talking penguin than in philosophizing. That’s probably still the case, for that matter.

  7. profjojo says:

    Except that the actual quote is “The love of money is the root of all evil.” Greed. Cupidity, Avarice. Intemperance. It’s the getting, not the having — and of course the boot marks you leave on other people’s shoulders climbing up for it.

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