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Monthly Archives: May 2012
Deadlines, Or Why I Hate Audiobooks
By Smaktakula Pray that again I never shall find, Something quite so much a grind. Task upon toil for hours untold, My sonorous voice … Sorry to break the moment, but I wanted to mention that, since you never get … Continue reading
Posted in Stupidity
Tagged audiobooks ruin lives, foolish choices, masochism, Why am I so stupid?, Why God? Why?
14 Comments
We Noticed: Beauty
By Smaktakula A woman who believes herself beautiful most often is. A woman who proclaims herself “Hot” is very frequently a vile skank, and at the very best, Ms. Right Now.
Amish v. Amish: Beardwars!
By Smaktakula Although originating in 16th Century Switzerland, the Amish have become a particularly American institution. The Amish remain America’s last primitive people now that gambling dollars have ushered Native Americans into the 21st Century. These simple folk are known … Continue reading
Posted in Crime, Culture, News, Religion
Tagged Amish, Amish v. Amish, Bergolz Clan, gambling, hate crime, internecine violence, mullets, Native Americans, Ohio, Pennsylvania Dutch, Revelation 6:8, Switzerland, Timothy McVeigh, Tom Mullet, Unabomber, violence
7 Comments
Emmanuel Lewis: The Antigary
By Smaktakula Diminutive former child stars Emmanuel Lewis and Gary Coleman are often mentioned in the same sentence. At first glance, the similarities seem obvious: both were stunted African-American Eighties sitcom stars prized for their cuteness. And when their respective … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity
Tagged adorable, African-Americans, Antigary, baby bunnies, Brooke Shields, Clark Atlanta University, death by gun, death by hooker, Diff'rent Strokes, diminutive skonks, Emmanuel is the Antigary, Emmanuel Lewis, evil alternate universe, famous short people, former child stars, Gary Coleman, karate, King of Pop, Lolcats, man-whores, Michael Jackson, shitty TV shows, short people, skonks, small black actor, The Biggest 40 Inches in Hollywood, TV, Utah, Webster, Whatchootalkinboutwillis?
7 Comments
Diff’rent Strokes Curse Remains With Work Undone
By Smaktakula Diff’rent Strokes proved an instant hit with TV audiences in September of 1978. The Norman Lear sitcom about Harlem orphans falling into the lap of luxury was anchored by veteran stage actor Conrad Bain, and featured promising child … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Culture
Tagged a very special episode, A-Team, America's inability to say NO, Arnold Jackson, Bad Terminator, boob job, breast implants, bulimia, Celebrity Death Watch, cooze, Cultural Folk Hero, Dana Plato, Diff'rent Strokes, Diff'rent Strokes Curse, drugs, Emmanuel is the Antigary, Emmanuel Lewis, famous catchphrases, famous short people, famous virgins, Gary Coleman, Harlem, Hello Larry!, Johnnie Cochran, jumping the shark, Just Say No!, Kimberly Drummond, Knight Rider, lesbians, Moore, Mr. T, Nancy Reagan, New York, Norman Lear, obscure celebrities, Oklahoma, Playboy, porno movies, redemption, Shannon Price, small black actor, soft-core, spank mags, Tötyl Hömö, Tötyl Hömö may just be the best band name ever, Terminator 2, The Facts of Life, Todd Bridges, unremitting virginity, Vanilla Ice, Where Are They Now?, Willis Jackson
20 Comments
PT Classics!
By Tardsie You so lucky! Smaktakula is staring down the barrel of a loaded deadline, finishing a project which sadly, draws him from his Promethean Times’ duties. As we speak the gifted writer is ensconced–as he has been for the … Continue reading
Tardsie’s True-Ass Tales: Memorial Day Edition
By Tardsie I have never served in the military. Although not a fan of America’s military adventurism over the past half-century, my failure to enlist has less to do with any ideological convictions than with the unfortunate but inescapable fact … Continue reading
You Only Live Once Or Twice
By Smaktakula
Posted in Cinema, Crime, Entertainment
Tagged Ernst Stavro Blofeld, James Bond, super-villains
6 Comments
