Revealed: Why John Adams Became President

By Smaktakula

1) He couldn’t play guitar.

2) Unlike his cousin Sam, a successful brewer to this day, he had no marketable skills.

3) His career as a psychic proved a bust when he made well-publicized but shitty predictions like this one:

The second day of July, 1776, will be the most memorable epoch in the history of America. I am apt to believe that it will be celebrated by succeeding generations as the great anniversary festival.*

A Lack Of Real Options Forced The Presidency Upon Him.

*Thomas Jefferson’s response: “Have fun at your ‘July 2nd’ party, loser!  See the rest of y’all on Sunday.  Bring chicks.”
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11 Responses to Revealed: Why John Adams Became President

  1. Poor John. He didn’t have Jefferson’s way with the ladies or Sam’s talent for brewing, no guitar skills, and his teeth weren’t even as good as George Washington’s. And he drove a crappy car.

  2. crubin says:

    I think you’ve just described George Bush. Do the words “Mission Accomplished” ring any bells? Talk about poor psychic ability.

  3. You’re twisted but Funny as HELL!!

  4. kewsmith says:

    How you make me laugh!!!

  5. Elliot says:

    I think I prefer his cousin, Sam, still inventing good seasonal ale to this day.

    • Smaktakula says:

      I enjoy Sam Adams Cherry Wheat and White Ale (they might have renamed the latter) quite a bit.

      But are you even ALLOWED to compliment American beer? It’s just that you’re the first foreign-born person I think I’ve ever heard say something complimentary about American beer. Thank you, and I hope you don’t get in any trouble over this.

      • Elliot says:

        Under normal circumstances no, but I would say you can loosely group American beers into two groups: a) a pot of piss heavily marketed e.g. Miller, Budweiser, b) under marketed decent ales. “A” is a lot more heavily populated, “b” includes Sam Adams.

        “B” I admit is like a guilty secret.

      • Smaktakula says:

        You can always say you meant “Samuel Smith’s.”

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