By Smaktakula
Please. That Is SO 1998.
Humanity is no stranger to hate. Throughout its long and bloody history, Homo sapiens has always managed to find a worthwhile reason not just to oppose another group’s political and social agenda, but to despise and fear the individuals who comprise the group. For every enmity there is an excuse–politics, the Indian-Pakistani conflict over Kashmir; sexual identity, as in various parts of Africa or North Korea where homosexuality is too greatly feared as an abstract concept to even be acknowledged; religion, such as the recent attempts by Islamists to slaughter heretics and infidels worldwide to prepare for the coming of the New Caliphate; and so many, many more.
You Wouldn’t Be The First To Try. However, They’re Surprisingly Resilient.
However, instead of hating gays, black people or what-have-you, what if we came up with an entirely new group of people to fear and mistrust–one previously tolerated by society? The members of the newly-despised group would necessarily have to represent a smallish selection of the overall population–hating on a majority population is ultimately counterproductive (see South Africa, Apartheid and). Ideally, the new group of disadvantaged citizens would be made promptly aware of their denigrated status, so that they could appreciate the inevitable hate-crimes perpetrated against them, and not believe them to be random acts of violence.
No, This Is MY Lawn, And It Isn’t Going To Mow Itself.
We’d like to suggest a few exciting possibilities for the new object of societal derision, each of which should be perfectly suitable. A great place to start is with groups displaying interests or tastes outside the societal norm, like beekeepers, guys with comb-overs or fans of Rascal Flatts. Disparaging any or all of these groups will add more panels to the ever-growing quilt that is contemporary bigotry.
We Understand That Most Of These ‘People’ Are Born With Vestigial Tails.
Even if soon-to-be-vilified group has yet to be determined, Promethean Times has already devised a great new epithet for the eventual choice: Digleroes (singular, Diglero). Try this: Just look at those fucking digleroes. Ever since they moved into the neighborhood, everything stinks like honey.
What A Fucking Diglero.
I say we stick with the classics.
Surely we can all still rally around a loathing of the Amish?
I’ve got your Thee right here!
I like the way you think, Guap! Sometimes picking on people comes with consequences. But the Amish, being pacifists, pretty much have to take it!
I understand what you’re doing here, Smak. But I don’t to hate anyone. It’s so exhausting and so 2009.
“THIS IS ARE LAND” sums up things perfectly.
Beekeepers have gotten away with too much for far too long. The rest of us are hurting because of them.
Beekeepers have gotten away with too much for far too long
I hate the way doorknobs are always sticky in beekeeper neighborhoods.
You know who I hate? Those bastards who make synthetic cotton balls. They KNOW they aren’t as soft as the real thing.
Don’t get me started, Honey!
Some of my best friends are Digleros. I just don’t understand why they have to have so many kids. I mean, who’s paying for them?
I mean, who’s paying for them?
In many cases, the federal government! (although in fairness, just as many or more may be self-sufficient, but we prefer a clean argument, and tend to ignore evidence which might contradict our claims).
I have a pretty good distaste for lazy folks….
What did we ever do to you?
You have three lil ones under the age of five – NO WAY you can be lazy! (whenever I babysit my nephew or nieces, they run me ragged..but, it’s a nice exhaustion – sometimes)
This is a great idea, in theory. I’m all for spreading the hate around…but considering we’re all going to be dead in a few months what would be the point? Keep that hate at home where it’ll be needed when the Mayan Long Count calendar comes to an end.
Shouldn’t we all be hating the Mayans then?
If we all just hated ourselves, then we wouldn’t have to worry about hating anyone else. Deep thoughts…
Carrie,
Voice of reason, I told you.
Le Clown
Le Clown is good for my ego.
Let’s direct our hate toward stupid people. Of course, that would be a great deal of the population (a majority), so that could present some challenges, but I think we can manage.
You cannot hate bee-keepers however silly or annoying bees might appear to be. They are too important. More important than people who think they can tell a woman what to do with her body or how to act, after she has been raped. More important then people who want to know that the president believes in God, but are happy to use electronics, cars, medicines, have criminals caught via dna evidence, and numerous other things developed by science and rational thinking.
But then we do not have to hate them, just point out how stupid they are.
Oh yeah, I know what you mean.
I am truly equal minded.
I hate everybody equally.
I’ve known several digleroes in my day, having grown up on the wrong side of the tracks, and they were good people, unlike, you know, the rest of them. Clearly they were, as they say, “the exception that proves the rule,” which of course means just what most people think it means, rather than the exact opposite.
I say we only hate people that hate people who hate.
I hope I’m not the only one whose head exploded after reading your suggestion. I’m totally on board for that, though.
I thought the irony implicit in Calahan’s statement was delicious.
I’m with you, Calahan. I can’t tell you how much I fucking LOATHE those people.