Stupid, Slutty Blondes: Hate Humor We Can All Feel Good About

By Smaktakula

Unfortunately, This Was Removed From The Shelves When It Was Discovered To Contain A Jewish Joke.

Q: Why Do Blondes Always Honk The Horn Three Times Before They Start Their Cars?

A: It Doesn’t Really Matter. The Joke Is Just A Vehicle To Get Across Our Point That Blond People Are Stupid And Slutty.

***

Can You Believe This Asshole Referred To Women As ‘Nappy Headed Hos?’ Talk About A Blonde Moment!

The myriad intricacies of the English language allow for a kind of magic.  We’ll demonstrate this through the following verbal feat, in which by the addition of a single adjective, we’ll transform a conversation-killing question into a social icebreaker.

We Don’t Know A Thing About Her, But We Can Tell She’s Not Very Smart. And A Whore.

Observe!

Don’t pop this question when you’re standing around the water cooler:

“Why is my dog smarter than a woman?”

“You Disgust Me.”

Try this one instead:

“Why is my dog smarter than a blond woman?”

“Ha! She Probably Had SEX With That Dog! Blonde Jokes Are Neither Racist Nor Misogynist, So It’s Okay To Laugh!”

***

Have you ever noticed how you can tell blonde jokes in any kind of company, but the moment you even suggest that blond-haired, blue-eyed people are examples of genetic perfection, the party suddenly goes quiet? Man, that is awkward.

This Is About A Right As Nature Gets It. Ladies, Are We Wrong?

What makes the gag funny is that blond people are so stupid and slutty. It’s not offensive, though–blond people laugh when we tell these jokes  ∞T.
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27 Responses to Stupid, Slutty Blondes: Hate Humor We Can All Feel Good About

  1. Le Clown says:

    Smak,
    So. The question is: Are YOU funny?
    Le Clown

  2. You’re The Funniest Blond I Know, RK, And You Actually Put Effort Into It!
    That’s Sooooo Totally Commendable’n’shit! =D
    hehehe
    -BRAD (aka “Not-A-Blond”) ;)

    • Smaktakula says:

      Thanks, man! And regarding your not being a blond–hey, man–we all have our infirmities. Don’t see your dark hair as making you somehow ‘less.’ It just seems that way because the blond hair makes us ‘more.’

      Just foolin’. Much love, man.

  3. Carrie Rubin says:

    I’m sorry, what did you say? I was distracted by Daniel.

  4. Brigitte says:

    I was born blonde. As Ga-Ga said (isn’t she also a blonde?), I was born this way. I think you’re blonde as well, Smak. I’m with Carrie — who gives a shite? I didn’t really absorb anything after I saw those bedroom blue eyes from Daniel staring soulfully into mine out of his blond head. Have I said blonde enough?

    I like spelling it with an “e” most likely because my name ends with an “e” and according to Grammar girl, “The word comes to English from French, where it has masculine and feminine forms. As an English noun, it kept those two forms; thus, a blond is a fair-haired male, and a blonde is a fair-haired female.”

    BLONDE.

    You need to come over to my place — I was fp’d again and you’ve not even come over to congratulate me. Yes, I’m shamelessly promoting myself. Don’t care, must be the blonde in me.

  5. Do We Still Get A Free Blond/Blonde Whore At Checkout With Proof-Of-Purchase, RK?
    I Soooo Didn’t Get Mine Last Time!!!
    (*pouts fiercely*)
    (*cries due to lack of free blond/blonde whores*) :( ;)
    -B.
    PS: I’ve Come Back To Read This Over 3 Times Now, Dude.
    The Caption Under Ellen’s Photo Almost Made Me Pee I Was Laughing So Hard.
    Keep It Up, Broseph!!!

  6. jmmcdowell says:

    Excuse me while I soak in the blue eyes in the last photo. Yeah, some of my male characters have eyes like that. Did you say something about hair? ;)

  7. I hate you blondes! You can always act dumb and get away with it! But then again, there’s Daniel Craig, and all is well again, lalala…

  8. Alex Autin says:

    As right as nature gets? Nope, you’re very, VERY, wrong….I have no idea who he is, but he looks about as interesting as my aunt Jannie’s cauliflower casserole, and at least the casserole is hot….

    • Smaktakula says:

      Well, as you can see from the other comments, 4 out of 5 women in my rigorously-scientific study find the man attractive. But it is to your credit, of course, that you march to the beat of your own drum. I would expect no less of such a vociferous defender of society’s lesser elements, such as the left-handed.

      • Alex Autin says:

        Everyone has different taste Smak, and thankfully so. However, in my taste, for a man to be attractive he has to actually have lips …and an expression which doesn’t suggest he’s very recently been beaned in the head with a rather large and heavy skillet. My guess here would be cast-iron. Also, based on the distinct ’tilt’ of his hair I would say it easy to guess which side of his head received the blow.

  9. calahan says:

    Until the age of 6, I was very, very blond. I was so inept, at the time, that I was forced to go to preschool to learn how to read, write and a bunch of other nonsense. I’m glad my hair turned brown because it guaranteed me a high school GPA of 1.9.

  10. You know, I never thought about the incongruity regarding blondes being idiots and also the master race. That’s interesting. I guess Hitler didn’t think that all the way through. And he wasn’t even blond.

  11. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Well, if I had known this was going to be a future post, I would have saved my one and only joke I could remember for this one! (and your gone from my reader, again – quit trying to hide from me…)

    Three women go down to Mexico one night, get drunk, and wake up in jail, only to find that they are to be executed in the morning, though none of them can remember what they did the night before.
    The first one, a redhead, is strapped in the electric chair, and is asked if she has any last words. She says, “I am from Grace University, and believe in the almighty power of God to intervene on the behalf of the innocent,” They throw the switch and nothing happens.
    They beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
    The second one, a brunette, is strapped in and gives her last words, “I am from the School of Law and I believe in the power of justice to intervene on the part of the innocent.” They throw the switch and again, nothing happens.
    They beg for her forgiveness, and release her.
    The last one, a blonde, is strapped in and says, “Well, I’m from the University of Arkansas and just graduated with a degree in Electrical Engineering, and I’ll tell you right now, you ain’t gonna electrocute nobody if you don’t plug this thing in.”

  12. Elliot says:

    I’m wondering where the blonde jokes originate, as they seem to be as “big” in the everyone knows about them, cultural sense both here and the uk.

    Daniel craig would annoy me did he not make such an excellant Bond, plus he is a Liverpool football club fan, so that exempts him (in my book) from a lot of criticism.

  13. El Guapo says:

    So does this mean we can stop making jokes about people that have eaten a dog biscuit?
    Sheesh, get distracted one time…

  14. Q: Why did the blond cross the road?
    A: She needed to go to the store and pick up some milk so she could bake a cake.
    There, did I do it? Is it funny yet?

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