Christmas Fun!

By Smaktakula

Hark the Herald!

Q: Why doesn’t Santa Claus have any children?

A: Because he only comes once a year, and that’s down the chimney.

That’s Not Snow, Folks.

***

Q: What did the inner-city kid get for Christmas?

A: My bike.

You Might Not Recognize It When You Get It Back.

***

Jesus Christ was manning the front door of heaven one day when an old man arrived at the  pearly gates.

“Tell me about yourself, Old Man,” Christ commanded.

“I’m nothing special,” said the old man. “I am but a humble carpenter, but I was given a tremendous responsibility. I was step-father to a very special boy, a young man who took human form, but who was something more.”

Christ felt the sting of tears in His eyes. “Father,” He said.

“Pinocchio?”

“Suffer Not A Cricket To Live. Seriously, Crush That Snitchy Fucker With A Rock.”

***

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! ∞ T.
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13 Responses to Christmas Fun!

  1. Bumba says:

    Some good ones there. Merry Christmas.

  2. Carrie Rubin says:

    Ah, such festive un-PC Christmas spirit you have. My heart is warmed. And the ad at the bottom of your post said, “Ohio Welcomes You.” That’s a Christmas present to me in and of itself…

    • Smaktakula says:

      Ohio Welcomes You.

      Clearly the Ohio Bureau of Tourism envisions the state as the homely, chubby daughter who “just tries a little harder” and makes up what she lacks in physical appeal with loads & loads of charm.

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        And that ‘charm’ is presently in the form of a bunch of snow. I don’t particularly care for the chubby daughter’s contribution to my outside view. I’m still trying to figure out how I ended up in Ohio. But again, compared to my former stomping grounds of North Dakota and Iowa, I’m apparently growing up.

      • Smaktakula says:

        I hear you about snow–ugh! I’ve never lived through (or even experienced) an east-of-the-Mississippi snowstorm but I’ve experienced a Colorado snowstorm (which I believe to be comparable) and several Washington State storms (which were most definitely not).

        However–and I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating–one of the exquisite (and easily taken for granted) pleasures of living where it’s cold is getting into a car that’s been running for a few minutes and is all cozy. Ahhh, bliss.

        I understand that you get pretty rough storms in Ohio, but given that you’re a 21st Century Laura Ingalls Wilder, complaining about an Ohio snowstorm brings to mind a Thai person complaining that British food is just too darn spicy.

      • Carrie Rubin says:

        That’s very true. Ohio winters are nothing compared to what I’ve been exposed to. The problem in North Dakota is that the car never gets the chance to get toasty warm unless you run it for about 20 minutes before getting into it. It’s that stinking cold.

  3. Reblogged this on "You Jivin' Me, Turkey?" and commented:
    Something From Smak To Make Y’all Smile A Bit…
    …Ya Know…
    …Just In-Case You Haven’t Had Enough Fun Yet To Make Your Daily Quota ;)
    -B.

  4. El Guapo says:

    I’m pretty sure you’ll go to heaven when you expire, Smak.
    Someone up there is going to want to have a word with you…

    But until then, have a merry christmas, an ecstatic new year, and may you and yours get everything you hope for in 2013!

  5. calahan says:

    Jesus, Mary and Geppetto is far more interesting. Have a safe New Year, Smak.

  6. Loved it! Hope you are enjoying the holidays!

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