Profiles In Dignity III: Wherefore Art Thou, Dignity?

By Smaktakula

Four Walls And A Roof Make It A House. Love Makes It A Home.

JUST LIKE CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER, SAD & FUNNY ARE TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER!

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Look, We’re Not Saying The Apple Was Asking For It, But When You Leave The House Without Your Peel And Flaunt Your Pulp For Any Grape, Plum Or Cherry That Comes Along, Somebody’s Gonna Get Juiced.

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In The Hilarious Modern Remake Of “It’s A Wonderful Life,” Little Billy Gets To See What Life Would Be Like If He Had Never Been Born.

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Were You Looking For An Honest Answer Or Did You Want Me To Tell You Something That Won’t Creep You Out?

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“And This Is Where Jesus Likes To Set His Beer.”

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The Answer Is “U”, For “Duck.” Jan Feels That The Comically Over-Sized Mallard Helps To Distract From The Big Swingin’ Meat-Sword She Has Hidden Under That Dress.*

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While It Is Technically True That “A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words,” It’s A Mistake To Assume That They’re All DIFFERENT Words. For Example, This Photo Just Says “I Will Go To My Lonely Grave Without Ever Having Known The Pleasure Of A Woman’s Touch” 58.823 Times.

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This Sign Proved A Mixed Blessing. On One Hand It Cruelly Mocked A Marginalized People And Reinforced Ignorant Stereotypes And Misapprehensions About Their Ancient Way Of Life. On The Plus Side, Since The Sign Remained In Place For Several Years, It Showed The World That There Are Some Things Even A Gypsy Won’t Steal.

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“You Look Adorable In Your Mermaid Costume, Sweetie. But Something’s Missing–It Doesn’t Proclaim To The World That I’m An Inappropriate Creep And Ridiculously Ill-Suited To Be A Father…Hey, That’s It! I’ve Got Just The Thing. Here, Try These On!”

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His Parents Have Tried Everything–Apple, Orange, Grape, Cranberry And Literally Every Product Ocean Spray Ever Made, But It’s No Use–That Kid Seems To Have A Pathological Hatred Of The Juice.

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PAN DOWN!!!! PAN DOWN!!!!

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I Camp Out In The Parking Lot On Most Nights To Get An Early Start In The Morning.

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* This image comes from back in my teaching days. I found it in a resource for first and second graders. Humanity, you are beautiful–don’t you ever change on us. ∞ T.
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20 Responses to Profiles In Dignity III: Wherefore Art Thou, Dignity?

  1. Reblogged this on "You Jivin' Me, Turkey?" and commented:
    BAHAHAHAHAHAHA! A Classic SMAK-Attack If Ever There Was One!!! And This Was One… …Wasn’t It?! SURE IT WAS!!! :D
    -B.

  2. Carrie Rubin says:

    Each time I didn’t think it could get worse, the next picture proved me wrong. Between the grapefruit, the mermaid, and the toddler Hitler, I’ve lost all hope for humankind. At least the pint-sized condom is promoting safe sex.

    So funny. Thanks for the laughs.

    • Smaktakula says:

      You’re very welcome, Carrie! Thanks for reading and for laughing.

      Yeah, I didn’t think the condom was terribly classy, but it didn’t seem to fall to the level of horrendous parenting that “jugs” and “Lil’ Adolph” did.

  3. whiteladyinthehood says:

    Oh.Shit. The mermaid freaked me out! (and it takes a lot to freak me out!) Always funny.

    • Smaktakula says:

      Yeah, I thought it was pretty appalling as well. As a parent myself, I try not to rush to judgement (I mean in real life, Promethean Times is all about rushing to judgement), because there’s a lot more to every story than what can be shown in a snapshot. Still…

  4. Alex Autin says:

    Thanks parents for ensuring your children now have absolutely no hope to ever aspire beyond the position of supermarket checkout clerk – a realization which, based on the look on her face, has fully set in on the little mermaid.

    • Smaktakula says:

      Yeah, I have to wonder how she feels about that. It seems that we’re becoming increasingly tolerant with the sexualization of little girls, and that’s kind of creepy.

  5. That mermaid whorechild pic seriously grosses me out–and just look at his shirt! Creeeeeep…

  6. Dude, this is some of the most outrageous stuff you’ve ever shared. The Mermaid girl and ‘Lil Hitler are beyond belief. I now feel so much better about my parenting skills.
    Thanks for brightening my day,
    Bill

  7. I wish I could have found the condom costume when the POMC was still doing trick-or-treat. It is important to teach your male offspring the importance of “wrapping that rascal,” and you can’t start too young!

  8. jmmcdowell says:

    What next from the mermaid’s father? Losing her in a poker match?

  9. unfetteredbs says:

    this was absolutely fantastic… and frightening– what is wrong with parents? A condom? Hitler?
    Priceless and thank you for the morning guffaw

  10. This could double as the sequel to Awkward Family Photos, Smak. Those poor kids! Have you seen this Gregory Brothers video? Check it out:

    http://nyti.ms/14BFJWL

  11. Andrea says:

    Okay the grapefruit thing made me weep laughing. :)

  12. You’re the best at writing captions.

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