Author Archives: Smaktakula

The Aging Gunslinger

By Tardsie I drank a lot when I was younger. Too much, I guess. I enjoyed the consciousness-altering aspect of  booze, and for a while, there was a novelty to getting fucked-up. When, as is the nature of novelty, it … Continue reading

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Posted in Stupidity, True-Ass Tales | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 14 Comments

Hungarian Fone Kard

By Tardsie In which we are told we can have anything we want.* *Certain conditions may apply.

Posted in History, True-Ass Tales | Tagged , , , , , , , | 12 Comments

Fresh Socks For Homeless Walter

By Tardsie My encounters with police officers have largely been, if not pleasant, then at least hassle-free. It helps that I’m friendly, polite, and never in my life more caucasian than when I talk to a cop. I think most cops are pretty decent … Continue reading

Posted in Crime, Culture, Stupidity, True-Ass Tales | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , | 34 Comments

I’m An Ass, And I’m Sorry

By Tardsie Man, you have no idea how many times I find myself saying or thinking that. Have a great weekend, folks!

Posted in Philosophy, True-Ass Tales | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 13 Comments

Headlines: I Was A Caveman’s Love-Puppet

By Smaktakula In which we talk a lot of shit. *** 15-year-old girl caught stripping for the 2nd time ~ You think THAT’S bad? We heard that last year a 14-year-old was caught stripping at the same place! Why Wasn’t West Virginia … Continue reading

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Untruth & Consequences: Debriefing

Originally posted on Promethean Times:
By Tardsie It’s In Here Somewhere…. In which a conclusion is drawn, many “umms” and “y’knows” are uttered, and the author’s resemblance to Greta Van Susteren becomes painfully obvious. Further Reading: Mama said wisely, “A…

Posted in Culture | 1 Comment

To All The Girls I’ve Loved Before

By Tardsie The Crush: It wasn’t love, but it was something like it; a one-sided stage rehearsal for the real thing. I ached for you; you know that now. It made me laugh a little to find out years later … Continue reading

Posted in Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , , | 20 Comments

My Missing Medal

By Smaktakula Sometimes, when you mention a grievance or accomplishment, large or small, some would-be-funnyman will pipe up, “Do you want a medal or something?” Next time this happens, tell him, “You’re goddamn right I want a medal. Let’s have … Continue reading

Posted in Philosophy | Tagged , , , , , , | 16 Comments

Promethean Times Questions Existence Of Sri Lanka

Originally posted on Promethean Times:
By Smaktakula Much Like Oz Or Atlantis, This Mythical Land Has Inspired The Imagination For Over 50 Years. In recent months, international news has been replete with stories about Sri Lanka, from the hot and…

Posted in Culture | 6 Comments

Headlines: Shaking And Stirred

By Smaktakula In which we celebrate our awe-inspiring ignorance by commenting on the headlines to articles we can’t be bothered to read. *** The Reasons Kim and Kanye Picked The Name “ North ” May Surprise You ~ So it isn’t … Continue reading

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