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Category Archives: Critters
Little Truths: Tigers
By Smaktakula About these ads
Posted in Critters, Duh, General Foolishness
Tagged death by tiger, Little Truths, They're Great!, tigers
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Stuff You Probably Didn’t Know About Wilford Brimley
By Smaktakula Got his acting start with an uncredited role in John Wayne’s True Grit. Once worked as a bodyguard for playboy-turned-recluse Howard Hughes. Is an unabashed supporter of cockfighting.
Posted in Cinema, Critters, Culture, General Foolishness, Health, Hollywood, People
Tagged cockfighting, DIABEETUS, Diabetes, Diabetes Cat, Howard Hughes, It's the right thing to do, John Wayne, True Grit, Wilford Brimley
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Man, The Discovery Channel Really Pissed That Guy Off
By Smaktakula Self-loathing nutjob James Lee stormed into the Discovery Channel offices Wednesday looking for justice. Instead, the environmental radical bumbled his way into a delicious pile of irony. Lee’s apparent purpose was to serve as a sort of homicidal … Continue reading
Posted in Corporate Culture, Crime, Critters, Culture, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, North America, People, Relationships, Terrorism
Tagged assfaces who write manifestos, batshit crazy, crazy people, death by sniper, Discovery Channel, douchebaggery, environmentalism, James Lee, James Lee was batshit crazy, loveless loners, Old Yeller, Shark Week, Terrorism
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Unsettling Urban Legend Springs To Hideous Life
By Smaktakula When longtime emphysema-sufferer Ron Sveden complained of chest pains, doctors immediately feared the worst. X-ray data seemed to support these concerns, revealing a small dark spot on one of Sveden’s lungs. The doctors gave the 75 year-old the bad news: … Continue reading
Posted in Critters, Culture, Health, Mythology, National Events, People, Plantlife
Tagged cancer, decrepit old men, emphysema, grody, invasive organisms, legumes, lungs, medical horrors, parasites, pea sprout in lung, peas, Ron Sveden, sinister legume, spider eggs in envelope glue, urban legend, urban legends, wacky ideas, zombie-like pod person
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Eine Kleine Snatchmusik
The secret to her creativity is Lady Vajayjay. Continue reading
Posted in Art, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Music, People, Social Networking
Tagged apologies to Mozart, attention-seeking celebrities, childish sexual innuendo, creativity, fecundity, human lava lamp, Lady Gaga, Lady Gaga's very talented vagina, Lady Minge, Lady Vajayjay, Polk High School JV Water Polo's very good day, Seriously? Do you even listen to the words coming out of your mouth?, servants' entrance, snatch, vagina, Vanity Fair, Vanity Fair is the Enquirer for college educated assholes
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Not What You Were Looking For? Episode Three: The Search For Cock
By Smaktakula Presenting the third installment in our wildly popular series: Not What You Were Looking For? In which we list some of the search engine terms (indicated in bold) by which you found us, and for which you should rightly be ashamed. You … Continue reading
Posted in Baseball, Crime, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Music, People, Race, Sports, World Affairs
Tagged 19th Century French Literature, bovine-on-human violence, Cat in the Hat, CDSA, childish sexual innuendo, China, cock, CockBlog, comical despots, comical spelling errors, Confessions of an America-Hating Man-Jezebel, craptastic eatery, curs, Donkey Kong, douchebaggery, dreadlocks, drugs, Duke, even Jesus thinks Fred Phelps sucks, fat people, female anatomy, Freddie Mercury, Fugeeman, George Sherrill, happy thoughts, hot and cold running chicks, Irene Folstrom, Islam, Jay Bush, Jean Valjean, Jean-Bertrand Aristide, K2, Les Miserables, madness, marijuana, Mauritanian Meat-Sword, Michael Lohan, Michael Lohan is a turd with eyes, Miley Cyrus, not what you were looking for?, old people, Olive Garden, Pakistan, pastaphilia, Pauly Shore, penis, penis-based racism, people of size, phallophilia, poor spelling, racism, rastaphilia, rave culture, Reverend Fred Phelps, Ruminations of a Junkie for Politics, senior citizens, sexy nurses, skankery, skankism, Smaktakula is aware that 'penises' is the accepted plural but if it's good enough for Steinbeck it's good enough for you, Smaktakula's troubling insecurity, Soylent Green, sweet sweet cheeba, the knacker, treachery, Turkish Tool, unctuous pimp, vagina, Victor Hugo, violence, virile He-Man, waddling grotesquery, Walt Stoelting, weed, Why am I so fat?, Wyclef Jean, your mother must be very proud
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The Bull Doesn’t Always Lose
Although much has been made of the danger posed by birds, sharks and aquatic mammals, humans have long been tolerant, and even affectionate toward bovines. Regarded as likable, if stupid creatures throughout the world, and revered in places like India, the bovine family is accorded a respect second only to that given to canines. Continue reading
Posted in Crime, Critters, Culture, Games, General Foolishness, Justice, National Events, Sports
Tagged aquatic mammals, birds, Blame Canada!, bovine-on-human violence, bovines, British Columbia, bull riding death, Canada, Does Nature Want You Dead? Yes It Does., Emil Haagerdäddi, goring, Holy Cow!, idiots, India, kill-crazy beast, Makwala Derrickson Hall, matadors, NO BULL, rodeo, running of the bulls, sharks, two last names
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Not What You Were Looking For?
By Smaktakula We would like to believe that of the nearly 800,000 hits* Promethean Times receives daily, each is a reader who set out specifically to find us. Of course, this is sometimes not the case. Here are some of the keywords (noted by boldface) used … Continue reading
Posted in Cinema, Crime, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, People, Race, Relationships, Television, Terrorism, World Affairs
Tagged asshat, backwater shithole, Baseball, brilliant dirty weirdos, Bush 41, Charlie Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, Charlie Sheen Will Never Escape The Brat Pack's Terrible Event Horizon, choking game, comical despots, Confucius, cooze, crazy bastard, Dear Leader, Dr. Grigori Perelman, dwarf, Gary Coleman, George Bush Sr., George Herbert Walker Bush, hemp, herpes, hippies, huffing, India, Jackpot, K2, Kim Jong-il, lactating, lesbians, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, marijuana, midget, Milton Bradley, Milton Bradley is batshit crazy, Morris the Cat, Nevada, not what you were looking for?, pot, reefer, Shannon Price, small black actor, sniper, Somali pirates, sweet sweet cheeba, Thinksquad, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart is evil, weed, Wikipedia, your mother must be very proud, Zen koan
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Commercials We Do Not Like: Bush’s Original Baked Beans
By Smaktakula Jay Bush, the balding, squishy spokesperson for Bush’s Original Baked Beans seems like a nice enough guy. With his rounded, non-threatening contours and schlumpy, vulnerable charm, Bush is an able enough pitchman for his family’s product. Then there’s Duke, Bush’s golden retriever and sole … Continue reading
Posted in Commercials, Corporate Culture, Critters, General Foolishness, Justice, People, Relationships, Scandal, Television
Tagged animal companion, Bush Brothers and Company, Bush Family, Bush's Original Baked Beans, canine psychosis, commercials we do not like, curs, Duke, golden retriever, Great Dane, Jay Bush, treachery
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