Category Archives: Drugs

Some Portion Of Charlie Sheen’s Brain Miraculously Unravaged By Syphilis

Despicable wife-beater and inebriate Charlie Sheen has wisely chosen to stick with his awful show.          Promethean Times applauds Mr. Sheen’s decision to follow our advice.  Furthermore, we would like to remind readers that it couldn’t have been easy for the once-promising actor to accept the grim … Continue reading

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Posted in Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, People, Relationships, Satire, Television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

‘Choking Game’ Claims Victim; Promethean Times Urges Panic

By Smaktakula The hidden scourge of America’s youth has claimed another victim.  Erik Robinson died on April 20th after playing the ‘Choking Game.’  The rules of the game are sketchy, but it can be assumed that Robinson lost. A ghastly situation like this … Continue reading

Posted in Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Games, General Foolishness, Health, National Events | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Pissing Away Money Is The New National Pastime

   Apparently taking to heart the concept of America spending its way out of recession, a NJ congressman is calling for a hearing regarding the use of tobacco Major League Baseball.          Rep. Frank Pallone (D-N.J.), who helms the energy and commerce health subcommittee, said … Continue reading

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Charlie Sheen Believes Hookers And Booze Fall Magically From The Sky

Well, they don’t, Charlie! Someone has to pay for them. Continue reading

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Marijuana Legalization Will Transform Humboldt Into Appalachia

By Smaktakula In the debate over California’s upcoming ballot measure to legalize marijuana, Promethean Times has heretofore resisted editorializing so that the electorate might arrive at its own decision in November.  However, the discourse has done little to educate voters, and instead has achieved … Continue reading

Posted in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, National Events, Plantlife, Politics, Regional Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

The Legalization Question

Should we legalize it? Continue reading

Posted in Constitutional Issues, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, Health, National Events, National Politics, Plantlife, Politics | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 3 Comments

Ron Washington Makes Requisite Cocaine Apology

The Age of the Enforced Apology continues.                     Texas Rangers Manager Ron Washington apologized for testing positive for cocaine last summer.  Our celebrity-obsessed society dictates that what would be an embarrassing episode for a private citizen, must become an excercise in self-flagellation … Continue reading

Posted in Baseball, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, People, Political Correctness, Scandal, Sports | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Walmart Likes To Kick ‘Em When They’re Down

Just when you think Wal-Mart couldn’t sink any lower . . . Continue reading

Posted in Corporate Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Health, Justice | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Reuters Wants You To Know That U.S. Children Turn To Inhaling To Get High

Is your child huffing right now? Continue reading

Posted in Crime, Drug Culture, Drugs, Duh, General Foolishness, Health, National Events | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Lindsay Lohan Needs $$$

By Smaktakula Because cocaine isn’t cheap.           Lindsay Lohan, Flower of American Skankhood and tabloid headline regular, claims she’s been dishonored by a recent E-Trade commercial.  Team Lohan maintains that E-Trade used her “likeness, name, characterization and personality” without permission.           The offending commercial:           … Continue reading

Posted in Commercials, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Justice, Movies, People, Television | Tagged , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment