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Category Archives: Television
Happy Thoughts For Tuesday: Thank God Michael Lohan Isn’t Your Dad
By Smaktakula In the tradition of such illustrious space-wasters as Brian “Kato” Kaelin and Kevin “K-Fed” Federline, unctuous pimp Michael Lohan has managed to keep food in his belly by crafting a persona famous for being semi-famous. Lohan, no doubt a subscriber to the maxim, “All Roads … Continue reading
Posted in Cinema, Culture, Drug Culture, Drugs, General Foolishness, Hollywood, National Events, People, Relationships, Scandal, Social Networking, Television
Tagged avoiding responsibility, Bitch better have my money, bottom bitch, Branson, Brian Kaelin, Calcutta, cockroach, Dina Lohan, douchebaggery, famous for nothing, fare-dodgers, Fifteen Minutes of Fame, Frank Kapra, gaywads, gold digger, happy thoughts, India, It's A Wonderful Life, K-Fed, Kato Kaelin, Kevin Federline, LEAVE LINDSAY ALONE!!!, LiLo, Lindbergh Baby, Lindbergh Kidnapping, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay Lohan's father, making excuses, massive gaywad, Michael Lohan, Michael Lohan is a turd with eyes, Missouri, parasite, Periplaneta lohanis, remora, shitty parents, social climber, Space Shuttle Challenger, suckerfish, taking responsibility, the coke favored by Clan Lohan is neither a coal by-product nor a cola, unctuous pimp, vampire
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Everything Suddenly Coming Up Promethean Times
A Very Special Message From Smaktakula Much like human papillomavirus in America’s high schools, Promethean Times is pretty hard to avoid these days. Find Promethean Times At WWW.PROMETHEANTIMES.COM For our elderly or intellectually disinclined readers: Don’t get excited; the old address will still take you … Continue reading
Posted in Cinema, Culture, Duh, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Music, National Events, People, Relationships, Television
Tagged Carmen Electra, cataclysmically-retarded, Dave Navarro, elderly people, Facebook, Facebook friends won't pick you up at the airport, has-been, human papillomavirus, HURRR!, intellectually disinclined, it means genital warts, Ms. Electra is probably a very nice young lady, Promethean Times, self-promotion so shameless that it borders on hucksterism, senior citizens, stupid people, stupidity, Twitter, untalented stars, you most likely have papilloma sorry to say
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Commercials We Do Not Like: The Olive Garden
By Smaktakula The Olive Garden has been crapping out adequate fare for nearly thirty years, all the while striving mightily to frame itself as the workingman’s access to continental dining. Targeting those customers for whom the Red Lobster is too provincial, the Olive Garden aspires to bring the … Continue reading
Posted in Art, Commercials, Corporate Culture, Culture, Food, General Foolishness, People, Relationships, Social Networking, Television
Tagged Commercials, commercials we do not like, craptastic eatery, Elko, fat people, Italian food, Italy, Kentucky, Lexington, MSG, Nevada, Olive Garden, people of size, Red Lobster, seedy massage parlors frequented by Smaktakula, when you're here you're family, Why am I so fat?
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Update: George Sherrill
By Smaktakula No change, folks–still a douche. Profiles In Suckery: ERA 7.48 IP 21.2 ER 18 BB 17 SO 12 BLSV 3* The difference between George Sherrill and a Little League second-stringer? That shitty beard. We’ll keep you posted. * … Continue reading
Posted in Baseball, Crime, Culture, Games, General Foolishness, People, Sports, Television
Tagged coughing up runs, douchebaggery, George Sherrill, hypocrisy, idiot bloggers who take sports too seriously, incompetent boobery, jackassery, Los Angeles Dodgers, Major League Baseball, relief pitcher, that shitty beard too!, The Brim Reaper, YOU SUCK!
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Not What You Were Looking For?
By Smaktakula We would like to believe that of the nearly 800,000 hits* Promethean Times receives daily, each is a reader who set out specifically to find us. Of course, this is sometimes not the case. Here are some of the keywords (noted by boldface) used … Continue reading
Posted in Cinema, Crime, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, People, Race, Relationships, Television, Terrorism, World Affairs
Tagged asshat, backwater shithole, Baseball, brilliant dirty weirdos, Bush 41, Charlie Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, Charlie Sheen Will Never Escape The Brat Pack's Terrible Event Horizon, choking game, comical despots, Confucius, cooze, crazy bastard, Dear Leader, Dr. Grigori Perelman, dwarf, Gary Coleman, George Bush Sr., George Herbert Walker Bush, hemp, herpes, hippies, huffing, India, Jackpot, K2, Kim Jong-il, lactating, lesbians, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, marijuana, midget, Milton Bradley, Milton Bradley is batshit crazy, Morris the Cat, Nevada, not what you were looking for?, pot, reefer, Shannon Price, small black actor, sniper, Somali pirates, sweet sweet cheeba, Thinksquad, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart is evil, weed, Wikipedia, your mother must be very proud, Zen koan
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Commercials We Do Not Like: Bush’s Original Baked Beans
By Smaktakula Jay Bush, the balding, squishy spokesperson for Bush’s Original Baked Beans seems like a nice enough guy. With his rounded, non-threatening contours and schlumpy, vulnerable charm, Bush is an able enough pitchman for his family’s product. Then there’s Duke, Bush’s golden retriever and sole … Continue reading
Posted in Commercials, Corporate Culture, Critters, General Foolishness, Justice, People, Relationships, Scandal, Television
Tagged animal companion, Bush Brothers and Company, Bush Family, Bush's Original Baked Beans, canine psychosis, commercials we do not like, curs, Duke, golden retriever, Great Dane, Jay Bush, treachery
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