Get To Know Promethean Times!

We're Awfully Fond Of Ourselves. But You Already Knew That.

What you should know before reading Promethean Times:

***

We take ourselves every bit as seriously as you do.

If it’s not funny, that means you didn’t get it.

Readers who miss the point are invited–encouraged even–to comment anyway.

We do not discriminate against any culture, ethnicity, sexual orientation, occupation, age group or gender.  We hold all God’s children in equal contempt.

Tardsie is both Promethean Times’ Editor-In-Chief and a Special Olympics backpack.  It’s probably best you get your head around that now.

Just A Backpack? Just Try To Name One Other Backpack Who's Treated A Formerly Bankable Star To A Reacharound. You Can't Do It.

Our commitment to bettering society is surpassed only by our unflagging hypocrisy.

If you get the joke but don’t find it funny, you’re still not getting it.

Journalistic integrity is such an entrenched facet of Promethean Times’ organizational culture that there’s no reason whatsoever to ever check our facts.  Seriously, don’t.

We mock short people because secretly, we’re afraid we might someday be afflicted with shortness.

Smaktakula maintains one of the largest private collections of Jack T. Chick tracts in the world, including several rare and out-of-print tracts.  He is personally responsible for convincing Chick Publications to re-release the delightful Dark Dungeons.

You're Welcome

We use swear words to compensate for a meager vocabulary and a dearth of real insight.  Your third-grade teacher was right about that.

Whenever possible, we avoid sweeping generalizations and irresponsible characterizations, which can upset more sensitive groups.  This is particularly true regarding the people of Cameroon, who have no sense of humor whatsoever.

Just understand that ‘which’ and ‘that’ will always be our grammatical  Achilles’ heels.

Copy editor Arturo the Pool Boy is actually 24 years old.  The reason for his youthful appearance is Tardsie’s insistence that Arturo regularly use a depilatory ointment to ensure that his slender body remains at all times “baby-ass smoove.”

If you say, “No, I get it.  You’re employing a deceptive cocktail of verbal flimflammery peppered with vulgarity to lampoon society’s ills without ever once bothering to offer a solution.  That, and it just isn’t all that clever,” then you have no soul.

We’re not trying to offend you, but we don’t care if we do.

We’re cavalierly insincere and glibly deceitful, but only because we love you so very much.

We're A Lot Like This Guy, Only Twice As Pretty.

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20 Responses to Get To Know Promethean Times!

  1. whiteladyinthehood says:

    hhmmm…I think you may be a little outlaw…and Hey – I’m a short person, dammit! :)

  2. Smaktakula, THANKS for visiting my “pun-ny” photoblog and leaving a “like.”
    –John R.: http://TheDailyGraff.com

  3. seapunk2 says:

    From lariat (your inviting and welcomed comment on my blog) to lasso, (having just read your “Getting to know Promethean Times), I’m sufficiently roped.

  4. Thanks for visiting my blog so I could find yours! You are refreshingly funny! Looking forward to following.

  5. Brigitte says:

    WOW. youse guys are some kinda funny. Thanks for visiting my blog. I’ll be back. :D

  6. Love your blogs guys; and the new audio feature is great.
    I’ve nominated your blog for an award… No obligation; just a gesture of appreciation.. :)http://abcofspiritalk.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/awards-from-some-wonderful-people/

  7. Pingback: Trust Le Clown – Promethean Times and Le Calahan | A Clown On Fire

  8. This page is one of those hilarious necessities I wish I’d thought of. Bravo. May I please borrow ‘If it’s not funny, that means you didn’t get it.’ for use on my gravestone?

  9. Nothing I’ve read here is funny. Not one bit of it. Well, maybe I chuckled, just little, at one of your posts. Just a little.

  10. I nominated you for a bunch of awards, check it out here: http://wp.me/p20576-1b8

    • Smaktakula says:

      Thanks a lot, Mr. MMFP! That is awesome, and I REALLY appreciate it! Sorry for the late reply (and I’ve had to make this excuse like 30 times over the last couple days), but an outside project made a quicker response impossible. Thanks again!

  11. You’ve Been TAGGED By ME, TURKEY!!!.
    Come To My Blog To Find Out More Details!!!
    http://youjivinmeturkey.com/2012/09/30/the-tag-blogathon-turkey/

    You Know You Wanna, RK! You Just KNOW IT! hehehe
    -BRAD

  12. Trent Lewin says:

    Crike, you’re a bit twisted. Very well.

  13. Luddy's Lens says:

    Oh, yuck. Is that a Jerusalem cricket in your banner now? I thought I’d escaped those things forever. *blllllggghh* *shudder*

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