Magnificent Bastards

The Rogues, Scoundrels And Ne’er-Do-Wells We Can’t Help But Love
The creative imagination possessed by a great scam artist is of a high order; one can’t help but admire.  What surrealist boldness he displays in the conception of his deceits; what high-wire daring, what mastery of illusion in their execution!  The flim-flam maestro is a superman for our times, disdaining norms, scorning convention, soaring far beyond the gravitational pull of plausibility, shucking off the puritan naturalism that would hold most ordinary mortals back.  And if in the end he comes unstuck, if his ruses fail like the melting wings of Icarus, then we love him all the more for revealing his human frailty, for falling fatally to earth.  In his moment of failure he deepens our love and renders it eternal.


Salman Rushdie

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Reverend Butt Naked (Formerly General Butt Naked)

Freeballing guerilla turned fully-clothed man of God.

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Tommy Chong

Notorious narco-propagandist and non-Cheech half of cannabis-themed comedy duo.

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Dock Ellis

No-hit the San Diego Padres with the assistance of a talking ball.

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Elmo

Secret skonk and plaything of popstars.

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Gary Faulkner

A lethal, one-man death squad with only one objective: Kill Osama bin Laden.

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Jodie Foster

A beauty for the ages. Men will kill for her.

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Christine Shreeve Hubbs

Labelled a sexual predator by some, others call her a miracle worker who transforms boys into men.

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Goodluck Jonathan

Sinister Nigerian president and reputed henchperson of maniacal archvillains bent on world domination.

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Kim Jong-il

Deliciously despotic diminutive despot.  Has trouble with “L” sounds.

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Lazy Bastard

The dapper do-nothing with a penchant for lottery tickets and a head full of dreams.

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Emmanuel Lewis

Happy Little Man-Whore.

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Michael Murphy

Montana prison inmate and future President of the United States of America who seduced five female members of the prison staff, then claimed they’d sexually abused him.

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Dr. Grigori Perelman

Brilliant dirty weirdo and all-around crazy bastard who solved the Poincaré Conjecture only to refuse the prize money.

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Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi

Diminutive celebriskank activist and probable herpes carrier.

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Chesley “Sully” Sullenberger

Unfortunately-named badass who showed America it could stand up against the avian menace.

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Edgar “La Barbie” Valdez

Briefly headed a Mexican drug cartel and looked great doing it.

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