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Tag Archives: Emil Haagerdäddi
Who Killed Heidi The Cross-Eyed ‘Possum?
By Smaktakula The Germans did, of course. Leipzig, Germany–Heidi, the famed special-needs opossum, has died recently under circumstances Promethean Times deems mysterious. The beloved monstrosity was three and a half years old. We first encountered Heidi while researching our August … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Culture, News
Tagged Emil Haagerdäddi, euthanasia, Germany, Germany's dark history, Heidi the Cross-Eyed Opossum, Leipzig, nature's mistakes, opossums, vermin
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Driving Miss Lotus
By Smaktakula The public’s flaccid attentions twitched briefly in response to a recent viral video from China which shows a very young girl navigating an SUV on a busy street. Although condemnation promptly issued from the four corners of the … Continue reading
Posted in Crime, Culture
Tagged China, death by automobile, Emil Haagerdäddi, fun with stereotypes, tyranny, underage driving
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Depardieu’s ‘Euro-Nation’ Stunt Deemed Derivative And Unoriginal
By Smaktakula Bloated French nonentity Gèrard Depardieu attempted to make a splash Tuesday morning in what appears to be a copycat urination attack. The sweaty Euro-pérvert, inexplicably famous for something somewhere, apparently mistook an airplane aisle for a Paris sidewalk, … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Cinema, Crime, Culture, News, Stupidity
Tagged actors, Americans, childish sexual innuendo, choking the chicken, cock, creepy old perverts, douchebaggery, Emil Haagerdäddi, Frenchman, Gèrard Depardieu, golden showers, has-beens, Paris, Paris is a sewer, places that suck, public urination, Robert "Sandy" Vietze, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, the French, United States of America, urination, World's Rudest People, your mother must be very proud
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Nothing Good Comes From Touching Yourself
By Smaktakula Smaktakula’s long-ago Sunday school teacher was on to something–masturbation is a quick road to ruin. A San Francisco man is fighting for his life after discovering the heartbreaking realities of the devil’s handshake. The unidentified man apparently burst … Continue reading
Posted in News, Religion
Tagged 'self-abuse' isn't the same thing as 'cutting', choking the chicken, devil's handshake, Dixieland Jazz, Emil Haagerdäddi, flogging the dolphin, Genesis, God, Hurricane Katrina, jerking off, masturbation, Onan, onanism, porn, pr0n, San Francisco, scratching the weasel behind the ears, self-abuse, self-immolation, Sunday school, the Almighty
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Moronic Song Inspires Moronic Death Threats
By Smaktakula The world has changed a great deal since Mark David Chapman was convinced by overrated teen-angst novel The Catcher in the Rye that John Lennon was a “phony” and needed to die. Although Chapman will be forever hated … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, Music, News
Tagged Adam Lambert, Auto-Tune, Bono, devolution, Emil Haagerdäddi, Friday, Good Charlotte, John Hinckley Jr., John Lennon, Kirstie Alley, Kurt Cobain, Mark David Chapman, psychos, Rebecca Black, stupid people, stupid shit little girls like, Susan Boyle, The Catcher in the Rye, Twilight, untalented stars, weirdos, William Hung, Yoko Ono
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Hateful Attire Incites Violence
By Smaktakula Chavez Ravine: Yesterday, an unidentified man was given an impromptu lesson in sensitivity after parading around Dodger Stadium in offensive clothing. In what can only be viewed as a hate-statement, the gentleman is alleged to have been conspicuously displaying articles … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, News, Sport
Tagged Alyssa Milano, assault, Baseball, bigotry, burning the Koran, Emil Haagerdäddi, good steward of the environment, Koran, Los Angeles Dodgers, Major League Baseball, Nathan Bedford Forrest, obsessive sports fans, San Francisco Giants, Smaktakula's hatred of the San Francisco Giants, violence
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Incest: On The Other Hand…
By Smaktakula The world was aghast to learn that contemptible degenerate Garry Ryan had impregnated his equally loathsome daughter, Penny Lawrence. Ryan had first proved his douchebag bona fides at the tender age of eighteen when he impregnated and subsequently … Continue reading
Plan To Strand Palin, Gosselin In Alaskan Wilderness Unsuccessful
By Smaktakula Disappointment greeted the news of an unsuccessful attempt to doom Sarah Palin and Kate Gosselin by stranding them in the Alaskan wilderness. Crushed supporters likened the effort to other failed historical long shots, such as the Nazi plot to kill … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Culture, News, Stupidity
Tagged Adolf Hitler, Alaska, Alaskan wilderness, baby daddy, Christine Gregoire, douchebaggery, Emil Haagerdäddi, former vice-presidential candidate, Han Solo, Hillary Clinton, Iran, Iranian Hostage Crisis, Joe Biden, Jon Gosselin, Kate Gosselin, Luke Skywalker, missed opportunities, Moose, moose attack, Operation Eagle Claw, plot, RNC, Sarah Palin, Sarah Palin's Alaska, Secretary of State, sperm donor, The Empire Strikes Back, the plot to kill Hitler, United States of America, Vice President Biden, Washington State, Wasilla
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