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These Golden Tones Are Killing Me
By Tardsie After A While It’s Like Fingernails On A Chalkboard Can a man be driven mad by nothing more than the ceaseless sound of his own voice? We’ll let you know, but our working hypothesis is “yes.” *** Regrets … Continue reading
Posted in Culture
Tagged audiobooks, audiobooks ruin lives, Blondie, California, crushes, Debbie Harry, evolution, herpes, Intelligent Design, it's official!, learning is useless!, madness, ravages of time, regrets, San Jose, Science
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We Noticed: Beauty
By Smaktakula A woman who believes herself beautiful most often is. A woman who proclaims herself “Hot” is very frequently a vile skank, and at the very best, Ms. Right Now.
Helpful Hints For Everyday Life: Free Stuff
By Smaktakula Folks love to tell you that “the best things in life are free.” There has never been a time when these words were true, and never less so than today. Those who chose to repeat this old canard … Continue reading
An Ode To Snooki
By Smaktakula Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi’s time in the spotlight must soon come to an end. Her fifteen minutes of infamy draws inevitably to a close, as the public’s short attention span casts an obscuring shadow over the stars of yesteryear, … Continue reading
The Ballad Of Ron Mexico
By Smaktakula Perhaps the greatest unintentional porn name after Rob Lowe (say it fast) was coined by controversial dog enthusiast, NFL quarterback and convicted felon, Michael Vick. Vick’s virile alter-ego was revealed to the world when Sonya Elliot sued the … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Crime, News
Tagged Dirk Diggler, dog fighting, douchebaggery, herpes, Michael Vick, NFL, porn names, Raw Blow, Rob Lowe, Ron Mexico, Sonya Elliot
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Herpes Horror At Berlin Zoo
By Smaktakula All is not well at the Berlin Zoo, where recently two high-profile animals have met mysterious–and bizarre–deaths. This is an embarrassment to the Germans, and a source of concern for animal-lovers around the world The first casualty was … Continue reading
Posted in Celebrity, Culture, News
Tagged animal husbandry, Berlin, Berlin Zoo, childish sexual innuendo, elephant, Germany, Germany's dark history, herpes, Knut, polar bear, Shaina Pali, Teutons, ursine, venereal disease
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Pepperoni, Sausage, Simplex
By Smaktakula Take a hard look at the image below. Do you notice anything unpleasant about the sign above the pizza shop? Good eye, folks! Not only does the sign employ a color scheme so vulgar in its crass insouciance … Continue reading
Posted in Stupidity
Tagged bad decisions, childish sexual innuendo, foul and disgusting things, Gonorrhea Twists, herpes, Herpes Pie, herpes pizza, herpes simplex, pizza, poorly-chosen names, STDs, STDs are no laughing matter!, Syphilis Whips, the gift that keeps on giving, unlike your 15 minutes of fame herpes lasts forever, venereal disease
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Not What You Were Looking For?
By Smaktakula We would like to believe that of the nearly 800,000 hits* Promethean Times receives daily, each is a reader who set out specifically to find us. Of course, this is sometimes not the case. Here are some of the keywords (noted by boldface) used … Continue reading
Posted in Cinema, Crime, Critters, Culture, Drug Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Humor, Movies, People, Race, Relationships, Television, Terrorism, World Affairs
Tagged asshat, backwater shithole, Baseball, brilliant dirty weirdos, Bush 41, Charlie Estevez, Charlie Sheen, Charlie Sheen is a drugged-out wifebeater, Charlie Sheen Will Never Escape The Brat Pack's Terrible Event Horizon, choking game, comical despots, Confucius, cooze, crazy bastard, Dear Leader, Dr. Grigori Perelman, dwarf, Gary Coleman, George Bush Sr., George Herbert Walker Bush, hemp, herpes, hippies, huffing, India, Jackpot, K2, Kim Jong-il, lactating, lesbians, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, marijuana, midget, Milton Bradley, Milton Bradley is batshit crazy, Morris the Cat, Nevada, not what you were looking for?, pot, reefer, Shannon Price, small black actor, sniper, Somali pirates, sweet sweet cheeba, Thinksquad, Wal-Mart, Wal-Mart is evil, weed, Wikipedia, your mother must be very proud, Zen koan
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Genitals Of Jersey Shore Cast Declared ‘Herpes Nest’
Who knew there could be consequences from living a life without consequences? Who knew the thought of the Jersey Shore cast gobbling Valtrex like they were Flintstones Chewable Vitamins would be so disturbing? What’s The Difference Between J-Woww And A Midget … Continue reading
Posted in Culture, General Foolishness, Health, National Events, People, Places, Reality Television, Scandal, Social Networking, Television
Tagged fake n' bake, famous for nothing, Flintstones Chewable Vitamins, Goombah, Guidettes, Guidos, herpes, Herpes Nest, Italian Stereotypes, J-Woww, Jersey Shore, promiscuity, reality television, skankery, skanks, Snooki, STDs, The Clap, The Shore, The Situation, unfortunately-named celebrities, unlike your 15 minutes of fame herpes lasts forever, Valtrex, well-known whores, your mother must be very proud
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