What you should know before reading Promethean Times:
We take ourselves every bit as seriously as you do.
If it’s not funny, that means you didn’t get it.
Readers who miss the point are invited–encouraged even–to comment anyway.
We do not discriminate against any culture, ethnicity, sexual orientation, occupation, age group or gender. We hold all God’s children in equal contempt.
Tardsie is both Promethean Times’ Editor-In-Chief and a Special Olympics backpack. It’s probably best you get your head around that now.
Our commitment to bettering society is surpassed only by our unflagging hypocrisy.
If you get the joke but don’t find it funny, you’re still not getting it.
Journalistic integrity is such an entrenched facet of Promethean Times’ organizational culture that there’s no reason whatsoever to ever check our facts. Seriously, don’t.
We mock short people because secretly, we’re afraid we might someday be afflicted with shortness.
Smaktakula maintains one of the largest private collections of Jack T. Chick tracts in the world, including several rare and out-of-print tracts. He is personally responsible for convincing Chick Publications to re-release the delightful Dark Dungeons.
We use swear words to compensate for a meager vocabulary and a dearth of real insight. Your third-grade teacher was right about that.
Whenever possible, we avoid sweeping generalizations and irresponsible characterizations, which can upset more sensitive groups. This is particularly true regarding the people of Cameroon, who have no sense of humor whatsoever.
Just understand that ‘which’ and ‘that’ will always be our grammatical Achilles’ heels.
Copy editor Arturo the Pool Boy is actually 24 years old. The reason for his youthful appearance is Tardsie’s insistence that Arturo regularly use a depilatory ointment to ensure that his slender body remains at all times “baby-ass smoove.”
If you say, “No, I get it. You’re employing a deceptive cocktail of verbal flimflammery peppered with vulgarity to lampoon society’s ills without ever once bothering to offer a solution. That, and it just isn’t all that clever,” then you have no soul.
We’re not trying to offend you, but we don’t care if we do.
We’re cavalierly insincere and glibly deceitful, but only because we love you so very much.
hhmmm…I think you may be a little outlaw…and Hey – I’m a short person, dammit! 🙂
You can be the exception which proves the rule!
J. A. Robinson said:
Smaktakula, THANKS for visiting my “pun-ny” photoblog and leaving a “like.”
–John R.: http://TheDailyGraff.com
From lariat (your inviting and welcomed comment on my blog) to lasso, (having just read your “Getting to know Promethean Times), I’m sufficiently roped.
Thanks for visiting my blog so I could find yours! You are refreshingly funny! Looking forward to following.
WOW. youse guys are some kinda funny. Thanks for visiting my blog. I’ll be back. 😀
And you’re some kinda sweet to say so. Thanks, Brigitte!
Love your blogs guys; and the new audio feature is great.
I’ve nominated your blog for an award… No obligation; just a gesture of appreciation.. :)http://abcofspiritalk.wordpress.com/2012/07/19/awards-from-some-wonderful-people/
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Chris Biscuits said:
This page is one of those hilarious necessities I wish I’d thought of. Bravo. May I please borrow ‘If it’s not funny, that means you didn’t get it.’ for use on my gravestone?
Absolutely, Chris–but let’s hope it’s not too soon!
Nothing I’ve read here is funny. Not one bit of it. Well, maybe I chuckled, just little, at one of your posts. Just a little.
I nominated you for a bunch of awards, check it out here: http://wp.me/p20576-1b8
Thanks a lot, Mr. MMFP! That is awesome, and I REALLY appreciate it! Sorry for the late reply (and I’ve had to make this excuse like 30 times over the last couple days), but an outside project made a quicker response impossible. Thanks again!
You’ve Been TAGGED By ME, TURKEY!!!.
Come To My Blog To Find Out More Details!!!
You Know You Wanna, RK! You Just KNOW IT! hehehe
Trent Lewin said:
Crike, you’re a bit twisted. Very well.
Luddy's Lens said:
Oh, yuck. Is that a Jerusalem cricket in your banner now? I thought I’d escaped those things forever. *blllllggghh* *shudder*
I’m just delighted that you recognized the magnificent beast. Even if you’d called it a potato bug I’d have been impressed.
Luddy's Lens said:
I almost did write “potato bug” — but up here that confuses people, so now I feel like I’m committing a faux pas when I use it. Maybe it’s not called that outside of CA.
I think that’s probably right. I lived in Washington for many years (Lakewood & Bothell), and never saw one.
I may be too old to get it, but I do like it. 😀