07 Friday Dec 2012
Posted in History
On which the Japanese imitation of American culture and technology reaches its zenith, when the Japanese government, eager to benefit from Western knowledge, sets off a chain of events which results in its learning a very big lesson.
Although It Took Four Long Years Before The US Could Return The Favor, All Parties Agreed It Was A Blowout For The Ages.
04 Wednesday Jul 2012
Tags
1777, death by fireworks, Founding Fathers, Independence Day, inebriation, July 4, this day in history, true meanings of holidays
On which inebriated Americans from all walks of life honor the nation’s birth with a variety of beloved and time-honored traditions, from bedside vigils in any of America’s many first-rate burn wards to the age old-custom of commemorating those bygone freedom-fighters by sacrificing several fingers in the memory of their valiant struggle.
“It Prolly Hurts Like A Sum’bitch, But After Thirteen Golden Nazis, I Can’t Feel A Thing. Hey, Is Someone Cookin’ Pork Rinds? DAMN, Whatever It Is Sure Smells Good!”
02 Monday Jul 2012
Posted in Culture, History, Holiday, Mythology, National Events, People, Relationships, Social Networking
Tags
1776, all men are created equal, Declaration of Independence, Founding Fathers, Great Britain, Independence Day, John Hancock, July 2nd, July 4th, King George III, liberty, Liberty Hall, Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, Redcoats, taxation without representation, this day in history, Thomas Jefferson, United States of America
On which the Founding Fathers tell the tyrant King George III what he can do with his onerous taxes and hated Redcoats.
“Brothers, Let These Words Ring Out Not Only Across A Grateful Nation, But Also May They Resound Throughout Almighty Posterity Itself: Because In Signing This, We Are Good And Truly Fucked.”
28 Thursday Jun 2012
Tags
1914, Archduke, Austria, Austro-Hungarian Empire, backwater shithole, Balkans, death by gun, Dulce Et Decorum Est, famous Austrians, First World War, Franz Ferdinand, Gavrilo Princip, June 28, places that suck, Sarajevo, smooth move Ex-Lax, The War To End All Wars, this day in history, Wilfred Owen, WWI
On which, in an unlikely Balkan backwater, a Serbian crazyman formally inaugurates the 20th Century with a bang.
The Assassination Of The Austro-Hungarian Crown Prince Would Later Exert A Measure Of Influence Upon The Course Of World History When, In The Early Years Of The 21st Century, A Bunch Of Scottish Dudes Decided ‘Franz Ferdinand’ Would Be A Really Sweet Name For A Band.
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04 Monday Jun 2012
Tags
1989, Chinese Democracy, June 4, June Fourth Incident, that trick never works, this day in history, Tiananmen Square
On which the Chinese government uses a very public forum to reiterate its traditionally dim view of free speech.
Confucius Say: Everyone Can See Guts Of Man Who Challenge Tank
05 Saturday May 2012
Posted in Culture
Tags
Americans, Battle of Puebla, brought to you by Corona, don't know much about history, Grito de Dolores, Hallmark Holidays, historical ignorance, Mexican Independence Day, Mexico, September 16h, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, the French, this day in history, Waterloo
On which the Mexican Army defeats French forces at the Battle of Puebla, giving future generations of historically-ignorant Americans an opportunity to party in celebration of Mexican Independence.
This Gentleman Marks September 16th As Independence Day. With The Possible Exception Of Waterloo, Nobody Brags About A Victory Over The French.
04 Friday May 2012
Tags
1970, Cambodia, David Crosby, Graham Nash, Kent State, Kent State Massacre, massacre, May 4th, Neil Young, Ohio, Ohio National Guard, protesters, Richard M. Nixon, Stephen Stills, this day in history, Vietnam Conflict
On which the simmering combination of angry anti-war protesters and nervous Ohio National Guardsmen reaches a violent boil, inspiring a great Crosby, Stills, Nash & Young song.
“Tin Soldiers And Nixon Coming, We’re Finally On Our Own . . .This Summer I Hear The Drumming–Damn, This Song IS Catchy.”
02 Wednesday May 2012
Tags
al Qaeda, death by Navy Seal, Ding Dong the Dick is Dead!, Osama bin Laden, Pakistan, pr0n, this day in history
On which reclusive dick and all-around nastyman Osama bin Laden is shot down like a filthy animal among his voluminous porn collection.
The Thought Of His Cringing Demise Among Heaping Stacks Of Fluid-Spattered Porn Keeps Us Warm At Night.
Below are a few of Promethean Times‘ original stories about this happy event:
19 Thursday Apr 2012
Posted in History
Tags
1775, American Revolution, April 19, bumper sticker mentality, Redcoats, this day in history, United States of America, Vietnam
On which, with the help of British Redcoats who wish to seize a cache of gunpowder, the nascent nation of America invents the bumper-sticker slogan, “You’ll Take My Gun When You Pry It From My Cold, Dead Hands.”
"This Is Just The Beginning, Brothers! Before Our Great Experiment Has Run Its Course, We Will Have Vanquished An Entire Alphabet Of Foes!"
16 Monday Apr 2012
Tags
1912, April 15, April 16, death by drowning, famous disasters, iceberg, oops!, this day in history, Titanic
On which the world sees the first meeting of the Polar Bear Club as 1,500+ men, women and children take an impromptu dip in the North Sea.
"I Told You That Picking First Class Just For The Pool Was A Waste Of Money."
Promethean Times 