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Tag Archives: skankery

Heroic Teachers Gone Wild vs. Prudery

15 Tuesday May 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, News

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

Alini Brito, Allison Musacchio, anti-skank bigotry, Benedict Arnold, Brooklyn, childish sexual innuendo, Cindy Mauro, crusty old school board, evil high school janitors, French teachers, girl-on-girl action, Girls Gone Wild, Hi Mrs. Peterson!, Horndog High, Hot for Teacher, inappropriate activity, international language, James Madison High School, janitors, Judas Iscariot, lesbians, lipstick lesbians, New York, one more reason to hate the high school janitor, Penthouse Forum, prudery, skankery, skankism, skanks, Skanks in the Crosshairs, snitches, Spanish teachers, Steve Bartman, tattle-tales, teachers, teachers gone wild, the janitor knows all your secrets, treachery, utopian futures, Van Halen, Vidkun Quisling

By Smaktakula

Van Halen’s Utopian Vision Has At Last Come To Pass.

As if further evidence were needed of the alarming rise in anti-skank sentiment across the globe, more proof comes in the form of a 2009 tragedy in suburban Brooklyn.  Two young women, exemplary educators by all accounts, were publicly humiliated and then cast to the wind by a prudish school board which punished the provocative pair not for any lack of competence, but simply because they were floozies.

November 20th, 2009, began and ended for most people like any other late autumn day in New York.  But for James Madison High School Spanish teacher Alini Brito and French teacher Cindy Mauro, it would signal the beginning of an anti-skank witchhunt that, when the dust cleared, would rob JMHS of not just two, but at least four talented educators.

One’s A French Teacher, For Goodness’ Sake! Of COURSE They’re Gonna Make Out In A Darkened Classroom.

The trouble began for Brito and Mauro when one of the school’s janitors took an inexplicable dislike to the winsome pair.  The janitor’s identity has been withheld for fear that otherwise his name would rightly be counted among history’s perfidious greats, enshrined alongside such icons of infidelity as Vidkun Quisling, Benedict Arnold and Judas Iscariot.

The custodial timebomb’s opportunity for revenge came when he spotted Brito and Maruro in an unguarded moment.  With their students occupied elsewhere in the school and having nothing else to do, naturally, the two language teachers began to shed their clothes and furiously grope one another.  Nothing terribly out of the ordinary–it had been just another school afternoon until the janitor spied the hot polyglots.

It’s doubtful that a definitive explanation of the custodian’s motives will ever be found, although that has not stopped various sources from making the attempt, propounding a panoply of theories–a brain embolism, schizophrenia, the notion that the janitor was just plain evil.  As plausible–even likely–as these theories may be, they will never be able to change the facts of this tragedy nor undo the injustice which, set in motion that day, continues inexorably to the present.

Unlike Baseball Goat Steve Bartman, When The Janitor’s Chance Came, He Dropped The Ball.

We do know that, rather than cry thanks to the Almighty for this one-time Gold Ticket opportunity to man up and acquire carnal knowledge directly from the mouths of these two educators in a sexual schooling straight from the oddly resinous pages of Penthouse Forum–or at the very least continue to lurk in the shadows while quietly pleasuring himself–the custodian was faced with a make-or-break choice and came up short.  The little snitch went and told the school safety officer.

This innocent act of hot hot affection would shatter the lives of the two skanky educators; the school board quickly reassigned the star-crossed pair to separate schools.  But since then, the school board’s aggressive anti-skank pogrom has claimed at least two more victims: Allison Musacchio and Lisa Gutilla.

Musacchio’s ostensible crime was having sex with an underage boy.  The disgraced teacher’s lawyer counters, however, that by time the “victim” left Musacchio’s bed, he was by all accounts a man.

Our Teachers Were Not Nearly So Dedicated. Trust Us.

Gutilla’s case is even more egregious.  The 37-year old physical education instructor’s world was turned upside down when the school board determined that the sexual contact she had been having with a fourteen-year-old girl was “inappropriate.”  There was a time–and not so long ago–when an oddly mannish girls’ volleyball coach whose athletes squirmed under her lingering touch wasn’t an aberration–it was tradition.

The school board’s decision to rob JMHS of these caring, innovative instructors by casting them aside was callous and counterproductive.  In time, with luck and with love, the four will find their respective ways in the world, able to hold their heads high.  But long after their story is forgotten, the poignant lessons of  Brito and Mauro’s daring, doomed love will remain, hanging in the air like chalkdust in a still classroom after the last bell has rung.  Separately these professorial party girls may have taught Spanish and French, but for its brief and shining existence, their hot, groping union showed us all a little something about the international language.

God Speed, You Brave, Brave Women. Believe Us When We Say We Will Think Of You Often And Be Touched.

We would think that two highly educated language teachers could do a better job of hiding their shenanigans.  Is it wrong to expect more from cunning linguists? ∞T.

Stupid People: Way More Fun Than TV

06 Friday Jan 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, News, Stupidity

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

bikini area, Bush, Cudjoe Key, death by Smurf, Deep South, douchebaggery, drunken Irishmen, Erica Wilson, floozies, Florida, fucking idiots, Galway, Galwegians, Guinness, incarceration, incest, Jameson, Jesse Brooks, Megan Barnes, morons, Papa Smurf, Portrush, Rogersville, Rosslare Harbour, skankery, skanks, Smurf cum, stupid people, Tennessee, Why am I so crazy?, Why am I so stupid?, you got a real purty mouth

By Smaktakula

Morons Make Us Feel Just A Little Bit Smarter.

Today, almost anyone can get himself arrested.  It doesn’t take style, flair or even imagination–with 1% of the US population behind bars, it’s easy to see that getting busted in America is pretty routine.  It’s not surprising then, that when individuals take the extra effort to ensure that their crimes are particularly shameful, we sit up and take notice.  It is with no small amount of pleasure that we present to you the following tales of delightfully dimwitted and debased douchebaggery.

Enjoy!

“Hey Jordy! I Can See Your Trailer From Here!”

Keepin’ It In The Family II: The Cousining

Like all couples, Erica Wilson and Jesse Brooks of Rogersville, Tennessee had their share of fights.  But in November of 2011, the two engaged in combat so fierce and bloody that the police were forced to intervene.

In the moments before the melee, the pair had been discussing their relationship.  When Brooks began to affectionately grope Wilson, cooing “I want you,” she rebuffed him, explaining she expected more from their relationship than to simply be a “booty call.”  The fight erupted in earnest when Brooks expressed a desire to keep the relationship strictly sexual, explaining that, as he and Wilson were first cousins, anything more would be kind of icky.

Take Some Comfort That They’re Not Breeding With The Normals.

Bushwhacked!

Megan Barnes isn’t a wealthy woman.  She will never have a huge lawn to keep tight and trim, nor any landscaped topiary to adorn her home.  Despite her obvious disadvantages, the skanky Southern belle prides herself on her personal grooming.

This attention to detail is the most likely the reason that, while driving her vehicle in Cudjoe Key, Florida, Barnes plowed into the back of a pickup truck.  She lost control of the vehicle when she turned over the steering chores to her ex-husband, a passenger in the vehicle.  However, the fastidious floozy provided a reason for her inattention, explaining that she had been on her way to see her boyfriend,  and needed her hands free for the important work of shaving her ‘bikini area.‘

It Just Makes For Easier Access.

A Horror In Blue

Galway, Ireland, the folksy tourist-trap of the Emerald Isle, is typically a friendly town.  Like all Irishmen, from Rosslare Harbour to Portrush, Galwegians are a drunken, cheerful lot.  But a Halloween home invasion has loosed a dark current of fear throughout the city.

One innocent citizen was sleeping off his night’s meal of Guinness and Jameson when he was awakened by an intruder in his bedroom.  To the man’s horror, the assailant was a six-foot tall smurf, who, in a final ghastly indignity, turned out to be drunk and horny.  Although it was revealed to be a case of mistaken identity, with Inebriate Smurf in the wrong home, this news will most likely do little to ease the long-term psychological trauma inherent in such a terrifying episode.

Sometimes Papa Just Needs A Piece Of Ass That Isn’t Blue.

What’s In Carol Brady’s Panties?

29 Wednesday Jun 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, History, News, Politics

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

America's TV Mom, Brady Bunch, Carol Brady, childish sexual innuendo, crabs, crotch lobsters, embarrassing ailments, extramarital affairs, Florence Henderson, itching sensation, John Lindsay, New York City, parasitic creatures, politicians, pubic lice, skankery, TMI, Wesson, Wessonality!, Where Are They Now?

By Smaktakula

Funny, All We Taste Is Shellfish.

Septuagenarian actress and former MILF Florence Henderson is back in the news with revelations that might have best been kept to herself.  In her forthcoming memoir, Life is not a Stage, the actress best known for playing ‘Carol Brady’ on The Brady Bunch and as a Wesson spokeswoman revealed that she’d contracted crabs from a 1960’s one-night stand with then-NYC mayor, John Lindsay.

Lindsay Discovers To His Horror That The Little Critters Don't Confine Themselves To The Nether-Regions; They Get In Your Hair, Too.

Henderson waited to tell her story until after both Lindsay and his wife (to whom the politician was married at the time of the affair) were dead.  However, for good or ill, the public perception of Henderson has changed forever  From this point on it will be difficult to look at “America’s TV Mom” in quite the same way.  In fact, it may be impossible to think about her without feeling a disquieting itch just south of your belt buckle.

Here's The Story Of The Crab O'Grady, Who Was Hiding In Some Very Lovely Curls.

Lohan: The Time To Hit That Is Now

25 Wednesday May 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, News

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

celebrities, Celebrity Death Watch, cocaine, Did she jump or was she pushed?, drugs, Flower of American Skankhood, former child stars, IPO, LiLo, Lindsay Lohan, Lindsay's boobs, NSFW, Schnapps, skankery, skanks, tick . . .tick . . .tick, untalented stars

By Smaktakula

Former child star Lindsay Lohan revealed recently in an international statement that she was not currently in a relationship, declaring “I’m available.”  Men and women between the ages of 16-65 who have yet to engage in casual, anonymous sex with a celebrity or semi-celebrity are encouraged to apply.  Millions will enter, and potentially thousands will win.

There exists no accurate way to determine the duration of the opportunity window for just about anybody to bang the Flower of American Skankhood, but it will in all likelihood be extremely short-lived.  Lohan will either stage a comeback, at which point she will return to sexual standards most likely precluding carnal relations with an unemployed Best Buy sales associate, or as is far more likely, she’ll be dead.  Act now!

The Clock Is Ticking. For Quickest Results Bring Coke And Root Beer Schnapps. No, Not Coca-Cola.

Note: Lindsay appears serious about her IPO.  In just-released (and deliciously NSFW) photos, Lindsay displays her considerable assets for those potential buyers who have yet to see them.

Grand Theft LiLo

10 Thursday Feb 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, News

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

baby daddy, Bill Clinton, California, celebriskanks, Celebrity Death Watch, completely preventable deaths, Crime, drugs, Flower of American Skankhood, grand theft, implosion, legal issues, LiLo, LiLophiles, Lindsay Lohan, Lohan arrested, lost girls, Marilyn Monroe, skankery, skanks, theft, tweakers, untalented stars, Venice

By Smaktakula

Isn't This The Chick Who Accosted Us Outside Of 7-11 And Wouldn't Shut Up About Her "Tweaker Piece Of Shit Baby Daddy" Until We Gave Her A Quarter?

The date for Lindsay Lohan’s final, pathetic implosion remains unknown, but draws inexorably closer.  Throughout her short life, the Flower of American Skankhood has faced a number of legal difficulties both domestically and abroad, but can now add a new charge to her growing rap sheet: grand theft.

LiLo is accused of boosting a $2,500 necklace from a California Jewelry store in January, less than a month after ending her most recent rehab stay.  Although the sticky-fingered celebriskank had not heretofore been charged with theft, she is suspected in several recent clothing-related heists.

Having snorted the bulk of her dwindling resources, Lohan may not be able to enlist the services of a top-flight lawyer, and it’s unlikely that she’ll receive a helping hand from Hollywood with her star so rapidly on the wane.  However, some LiLophiles see a silver lining in the event that Lohan is compelled to do jail time.  Every day that the drug-addled has-been spends behind bars is another day that she cheats the untimely and degrading death which awaits her.

Unlike Marilyn Monroe, LiLo Lacks Talent And Has Never Banged A President. Although One Of Those Is Within Lindsay's Reach, Bill Clinton Will Never Be Able To Make Her Talented.

Does It Smell Like Skank In Here?

04 Tuesday Jan 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

alliteration, America's dulled cultural palate, attention-seeking celebrities, beautiful women, callipygian women, embarrassing behavior, eponymous product names, it means she's got a nice ass, Katy Perry, Katy Perry's Purr, Kim Kardashian, musky vapors, people who like crap, perfume, sexpots, signature scent, skankery, skanks, Target, the Armenian community at large must be so proud, the Kardashian funk, things stoned people might purchase, unrefined tastes, useless human beings, Wal-Mart

By Smaktakula

Callipygian sexpot Kim Kardashian unveiled her long-awaited signature scent to an eager public last January.  That the ambulatory pair of buttocks would seek to profit from her musky vapors is neither surprising nor particularly blameworthy; that America’s dulled cultural palate has allowed KK to stink up the aisles of Wal-Mart and Target stores nationwide eleven months later is.

Considering The Product's Demographic, It's Most Likely Aimed At Classy Lassies With Expansive Chassis.

As readers of Promethean Times already know, Kardashian is the ninth most beautiful woman in the world.  It is likely for this reason, and not because of the perfume’s quality, that Kardashian’s pungent secretion is so highly prized.

Katy Perry, thought to be the world’s most beautiful woman, has her own signature scent, Purr.  People who like that kind of crap call it “a bewitchingly bold aroma, infused with the twin scents of desperate tears and moist muppet fur.”

Why doesn’t Kim throw an extra ‘K’ word onto ‘Kim Kardashian’ to give the perfume’s name a further level of alliteration–say, ‘Kim Kardashian Kologne?’
Oh, right–Good catch.

Revealed: The Real Reason Sesame Street Pulled The Katy Perry Apperance

24 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Music, Stupidity

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

censorship, Children's Television Workshop, Elmo, Elmo is a mack, Elmo's World, episode pulled, I love to count!, Katy Perry, Katy Perry's tits, kiddie shows, lewdness, muppets, prudery, Public Television, scandal, Sesame Street, sex, skankery, skonks, YouTube

By Smaktakula

The children’s television show Sesame Street has been a hot topic since the show’s producers decided to pull a controversial segment featuring singer Katy Perry. Children’s Television Workshop defended the action, noting that its executive board had reconsidered the segment after receiving a volume of negative feedback.  Parents and youth advocacy groups are said to regard Perry’s plunging neckline as too racy for the children’s show.

The major media outlets all dutifully ran the story, relaying the information the show’s producers had fed them.  However, according to an insider who spoke to Promethean Times on the condition of anonymity, the story about Perry’s revealing outfit was “just so much fluff.”  The source claims that the segment was axed to protect the show’s wholesome reputation after news of an affair between Perry and a Sesame Street cast member became public.

Said the insider:

“Everybody knew what was going on. Ah-ah-ah.  We could hear her moaning in her dressing room all the way from the main stage.  Ah-ah-ah.  It was disgusting.  She moaned one time.  Ah-ah-ah.  She moaned two times.  Ah-ah-ah.  She moaned three times.  Ah-ah-ah.

Do you want me to keep going?  Because it goes on for a while, and if you have not heard, I love to count. Ah-ah-ah.”

"So Then Elmo Sees Katy For The First Time, And Elmo Says, 'Damn, Bitch! Elmo Hasn't Seen Your Fine Ass Around Here Before.' She Was All Like, 'Whatever,' But Elmo Was Like, 'Ho, Let Elmo Lay Some Truth On You: Elmo Is Gonna Tap That Ass Within The Hour. Straight Up.'"

‘Cause It’s Elmo’s World, Beyotch!

Paris Hilton Ja-Banned

23 Thursday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Crime, Culture, Stupidity

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

anti-skank bigotry, bigotry, celebriskanks, cocaine, drugs, famous for nothing, Free Tibet!, Gaijin Skank!, Hilton Hotels, Ja-Ban, Japan, Japanese economy, Japanese immigration policy, Land of the Rising Sun, Las Vegas, Nevada, Paris Hilton, persona non grata, skankery, skankism, skanks, skonks, untalented stars, We're aware that the captivity of Tibet has fuck all to do with Japan, well-known whores

By Smaktakula

Japan can now include itself among the growing list of nations officially discriminating against skanks.  The Land of the Rising Sun has gone dark for strumpets: Paris Hilton is persona non grata in Japan.

In Much The Same Way As It Did Throughout Asia 75 Years Ago, This Symbol Strikes Fear In The Hearts Of Skanks Across The Globe.

Representatives of Japan’s immigration service claim that Hilton’s ban is a result of her recent guilty plea to cocaine possession in Las Vegas.  These officials are quick to point out that their decision to impose a Ja-Ban on Hilton was not only appropriate, but required by Japanese law.

However, pro-skank activists (skanktivists) contend that the law is a smokescreen which allows Japan legal sanction to carry out its anti-skank agenda.

“We’re trying to tell the world what’s going on in Japan,” says ‘Cody,’ a skonk who declined to give his real name, “The amount of ignorance on the part of the public is really disturbing.  We’re educating people, but at the same time putting pressure on Japan to not only turn away from its growing culture of skankism, but also calling on the Japanese Government to free Tibet.”

Paris, What The Hell Are You Doing? Oh. Ha Ha, No. When We Said 'Blow' We Meant Cocaine. Heh. But Thanks. No, Really--We're Good.

An immigration official was asked in light of Hilton’s Ja-Ban, whether her family’s hotel chain would also be forced out of the country.  The official replied:

“A question both so ridiculous and inane shames not only the speaker, but also those unfortunate enough to hear it.  Having said that, the Hilton Chain is a small, but important part of the Japanese economy–over three million people spend the night in Hilton Hotels every year.  Even in a good year Ms. Hilton might service only half that many.”

Paris, an innocent pawn in a game much bigger than herself, was typically upbeat when informed that she would not be allowed into Japan: “I’m going back home, and I look forward to coming back to Japan in the future,” she said.

Like Fuck You Will, Gaijin Skank!

Careless Boy’s Mother Ruins A Good Thing

03 Friday Sep 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, General Foolishness, National Events, North America, People, Relationships, Scandal, Social Networking

≈ 4 Comments

Tags

California, Christine Shreeve Hubbs, coming of age, Coo Coo Ca-Choo!, cougars, double standards, hot sex offenders, molestation, Mrs. Robinson, nice job Mom, sex and firearms, sexual predators, skankery, Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding, The Graduate

By Smaktakula

"Mrs. Robinson, You're Trying To Molest Me."

Livermore, California: A local skank faces 67 charges related to sexual acts with teenage boys.  Christine Shreeve Hubbs, 42, is said to have engaged in the scandalous behavior with two junior high school students, both in her home as well as in a motel. 

Hubbs is also facing several charges relating to contributing to the delinquency of a minor.  She is alleged to have purchased BB guns  for her two victims, and allowed them to perform “drive-bys” from the back of her moving Hummer.  The victims also add that Hubbs plied them with gift cards and cash.   

And Here's To You, Ms. Hubbs. Adolescent Boys Love You More Than You Will Ever Know. Coo Coo Ca-Choo!

As with all good things, this idyllic life of sex, easy cash and firearms was destined to end.  One of the boys was careless with his cell phone, which contained nude pictures of Hubbs.  The boy’s snooping mother found the pictures and called the police, who brought this charming coming-of-age story to an abrupt and frustrating end. 

How events might have unfolded differently if the boy’s father had stumbled across the phone before his mother can only be conjectured.          

Because Opportunities Like This Come Along So Frequently When You're Fourteen.

When am I gonna get over this?  I don’t know, Mom–How about NEVER?

Skanks In The Crosshairs, Part II: The War To End All Whores

27 Friday Aug 2010

Posted by Smaktakula in Constitutional Issues, Crime, Culture, General Foolishness, Hollywood, Human Rights, Justice, National Events, North America, People, Relationships, Satire, Social Networking

≈ 6 Comments

Tags

Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, celebriskanks, childish sexual innuendo, David Gregory, did you see that thing about herpes--she really is a slut, Hobegon, Horn Dog Deomocrats, Joe Biden, John McCain, Meet The Press, Nicole Polizzi, Obama Administration, Obama's war on skanks, PPD 24601, President Obama, Presidential Policy Directive, pro-skank Democrats, Robert Gibbs, Sir Let Us Tan!, skankery, skankism, skanks, skin cancer, skonks, Snooki, Snooki's arrest, tanning, the beach ball problem at Chavez Ravine, United States of America, untalented stars, Vice President Biden, what IS the singular of Cheetos?

By Smaktakula

After issuing a string of denials over the past several weeks, the White House abruptly reversed itself yesterday, admitting the existence of Presidential Policy Directive 24601.  This admission ends the mounting speculation regarding the anti-skank directive, dubbed ‘Hobegon‘ by some in the press.  The White House claims that Hobegon codifies America’s foreign and domestic policy with regard to skanks.  It does that, and more: PPD 24601 is nothing less than a declaration of war on hos.

"Let Me Be Clear: I See An America--One That Can Only Be Achieved By Rising Above Partisan Rhetoric And Red-State/Blue-State Name Calling--An America Once Again Setting An Example For Other Nations By Helping To Create--Not Only For Our Children And The World's Children, But Also The Many Children Yet Unborn--A World That Is Free Of Skanks."

“This is something about which the President feels very strongly,” White House Press Secretary Robert Gibbs said in a press conference this morning.  “He has two daughters of his own, and like so many American parents right now, he’s concerned about the type of world that little Sasha and Malia will find waiting for them when they grow up.”

This sudden admission surprised most political observers, and apparently some within the Executive Circle.  Last Sunday on Meet The Press, the Vice-President said, “If there is {the secret Hobegon document}, they sure haven’t shown it to Joe Biden.”  He went on to add, “I mean, who doesn’t like tramps, am I right?” at which point the Vice-President attempted to high-five David Gregory.  Biden apologized for the comments just a few hours later after meeting privately with the President.  What the Vice-President was denying less than a week ago is now official US policy.

The impetus for the Administration’s abrupt about-face appears to be a series of events which drove the media into such a speculative frenzy that it became necessary to make some details of the secret directive public.  One of the events which set this chain in motion were widely publicized comments made by reality tv grotesquery Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi.  The celebriskank fired a volley across the Administration’s bow when she said,   “I don’t go tanning anymore, because Obama put a 10 percent tax on tanning, and I feel he did that intentionally for us.”

Largely derided at the time, the enigmatic Snooki now appears to be something of a Cassandra.  Even her foes are beginning to wonder if the talking party ball is shrewder than she appears, given that anti-tanning initiatives are part of Obama’s War on Skanks.  Snooki went on to note that Obama’s 2008 Rival John McCain would not have applied the tax, “Because he’s pale and would probably want to be tan.”

Unlike Virtually Every Other Political Position Which He Has Taken Over The Years, Senator McCain's Staunch Support Of Skanks Has Never Wavered.

McCain’s unfortunate history of skin cancer aside, this insight is trenchant.  The Arizona Republican has long been staunchly, if quietly, pro-skank.   Throughout the 20th Century, support for ladies of easy virtue blurred party lines, but since the 2000 presidential election has become increasingly divided among partisan lines, with Republicans generally opposing anti-skank legislation.   Bill Clinton was the last pro-skank Democrat to hold a statewide office or higher.  The promising young cadre of pro-skank Democrats (“Horn Dog Democrats”) who swept into office with Clinton in 1992 are long gone.

Initially the White House attempted to shrug off Snooki’s charges, labelling them, “Laughable” and “Not worth dignifying.”  However, as with so many Washington scandals, the further the administration tried to distance themselves from it, the more tenaciously the rumors clung.

The situation reached critical mass when Snooki was arrested on July 30th.  Wearing a T-Shirt which read SLUT (Sir, Let Us Tan!) in protest of the effort to tax tanning beyond the means of the average tramp, which she calls skankist, Snooki was seen being led away by police.  The official account claims that the plump strumpet was drunk and out of control.

Dodger Stadium Security Removes Another Beach Ball From The Field.

Not so, counters Snooki:

“Oh. My. God.  Oh my God, I can’t believe they said that.  That’s–I’ma fucking sue them, I swear to God I will–That’s such a lie!  Can I tell you?  Can I tell you how much of a fucking lie that is?  That is not true.  Anybody who knows me–my good friends who know me, not the haters–knows that is just not true.”

“I’m a political prisoner.  They’re trying to shut me up.”

The Political Cost Of Looking Like A Soggy Cheeto.

Since then, Skanks have been notable for their absence.  “Laying low,” was how one observer termed it.  Because of summer reruns and the ubiquity of archived material on the internet, the American public has so far not been greatly affected by the self-imposed Skankout.  It has been pointed out that had this Skankout occurred during the school year, its presence might have been felt more profoundly in a reduction in the number of hot female teachers sleeping with their seventh-grade students.

But because those people passionate about skank rights would not be silenced, the ensuing e-storm would force the beleaguered administration to admit the existence of PPD 24601.   President Obama promised the nation that “further details will be will be made available in the coming days.”

Coming Soon: GO HO GO!

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