By Smaktakula
Wow! It’s Just So Weird That You Brought That Up…
Sometimes, when you mention a grievance or accomplishment, large or small, some would-be-funnyman will pipe up, “Do you want a medal or something?”
Next time this happens, tell him, “You’re goddamn right I want a medal. Let’s have it!”
Then, when he inevitably stumbles in his reply, tell him, “Your problem is that you make promises on which you have no intention of delivering. That makes you a liar and a scoundrel. Good day to you, Sir!”
With Or Without The Medal, You’re Pretty Special Just The Way You Are.
Promethean Times 
Good day to you Sir.. ha… such an awesome reply
Thank you!
So true. Tired of people saying that. Personally I think I should get a medal every time I have to drag myself out of bed. It’d be quite a collection of medals. But well deserved.
I keep a medal in my purse just in case I meet someone of your caliber, Sir.
So now when my husband eagerly tells me he changed the paper towel roll or refilled the soap dispenser, I’m suppose to not only host a parade but also award a medal? Jeez, you men are demanding…
Hell, I’d give my old man a medal if his whitey-tighties could see their way down the laundry chute instead of skid-mark side up in the middle of the bathroom floor!
Ha! Guess I should consider myself lucky then.
I’d be a gold medalist in your household, then–I do my own laundry. However, I assure you that I have several irritating quirks which quite make up for it.
For Christmas, Smak, I gave Milton a silver keychain with a trophy. He liked it. A lot. Had I known this means as much to you as to him, I would have purchased two.
Warning: Long winded story, apropos of nothing:
I read a story in the paper a while ago. A guy was sitting in traffic when a chauffeured Rolls Royce pulled alongside. The passenger leaned out and said “Excuse me, do you have any grey Poupon?” the driver gleefully handed over a jar that he had in the car in hopes that one day, just one, someone would actually ask.
The light turned green and traffic moved on.
The Rolls pulled up next to him at the next light. The passenger leaned over and said “Excuse me, do you have a hot dog?”.
– From the New York Times Metropolitan Diary, decades ago.
So…what will you do if the guy says “As a matter of fact, I do!” and hands you a medal?
Instead of a medal, I would prefer someone give me a new metal on the periodic table of elements. “I was awarded the metal of Calahanite3. Top that!”
You can’t top that! Bonus, it will fool people with a poor chemistry background (like myself) into believing Calahanite3 is an actual element.
What about a parade?
A grand idea!
Just give me the money.
I think my brain is telling me it’s time to step away from the computer. I’ve got nothing!