Tag Archives: hypocrisy

On Pity

07 Monday Oct 2013

Posted by in Culture, Philosophy

≈ 7 Comments

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By Tardsie

Save Your Pity For Some Other Fool.

Nothing feels worse against my skin than your pity. I hate hate hate to be pitied. There are some folks who seem to get off on being pathetic, whose lives are an interminable epic of abject failure and unspeakable woe, who just can’t ever seem to catch a break. Save your pity for them.

And Of Course, It’s BYOB.

The one very notable exception to this is if I’m ill. If afflicted with anything more serious than the sniffles, then I’m gonna need you to tear your attention away from whatever it is that seems so damn important to you right now and try to focus for just a moment on what I’m enduring with such stoic bravery. I don’t think that’s too much to ask.

I Feel You Guys. I Can’t Eat ANYTHING With This Sore Throat, And I Am Hella Famished! Also, The Soup Is Too Hot.

Stupid, Slutty Blondes: Hate Humor We Can All Feel Good About

26 Wednesday Sep 2012

Posted by in Culture, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 27 Comments

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By Smaktakula

Unfortunately, This Was Removed From The Shelves When It Was Discovered To Contain A Jewish Joke.

Q: Why Do Blondes Always Honk The Horn Three Times Before They Start Their Cars?

A: It Doesn’t Really Matter. The Joke Is Just A Vehicle To Get Across Our Point That Blond People Are Stupid And Slutty.

***

Can You Believe This Asshole Referred To Women As ‘Nappy Headed Hos?’ Talk About A Blonde Moment!

The myriad intricacies of the English language allow for a kind of magic.  We’ll demonstrate this through the following verbal feat, in which by the addition of a single adjective, we’ll transform a conversation-killing question into a social icebreaker.

We Don’t Know A Thing About Her, But We Can Tell She’s Not Very Smart. And A Whore.

Observe!

Don’t pop this question when you’re standing around the water cooler:

“Why is my dog smarter than a woman?”

“You Disgust Me.”

Try this one instead:

“Why is my dog smarter than a blond woman?”

“Ha! She Probably Had SEX With That Dog! Blonde Jokes Are Neither Racist Nor Misogynist, So It’s Okay To Laugh!”

***

Have you ever noticed how you can tell blonde jokes in any kind of company, but the moment you even suggest that blond-haired, blue-eyed people are examples of genetic perfection, the party suddenly goes quiet? Man, that is awkward.

This Is About A Right As Nature Gets It. Ladies, Are We Wrong?

What makes the gag funny is that blond people are so stupid and slutty. It’s not offensive, though–blond people laugh when we tell these jokes  ∞T.

Hatey-Hate-Hate: What It Is And What It Ain’t

03 Friday Aug 2012

Posted by in Entertainment, News, Religion, Stupidity

≈ 47 Comments

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By Tardsie

Folks, If You Look Hard Enough For Anything, You’ll Find It.

Or, How I Learned To Stop Thinking And Talk Louder

Nothing feels so good as being on the right side of an issue. You’re for gay marriage, and you want the whole world to know (in fact, that’s largely the point). That’s cool, friend, you know which way the wind is blowing, and you don’t want to be caught on the wrong side of popular opinion. We understand. We don’t respect it, but we definitely understand.

The problem is how you go about it. You’re trying so hard to show the world that you value freedom and individual liberty and that you despise the tyranny of conformity. Unfortunately, by aping Soviet-era denunciations or McCarthy-esque accusations, you’re really just demonstrating an embarrassing inability to grasp concepts more challenging than a sound bite.

Stalin: Extremely Successful In Getting Everyone On The Same Page.

Please stop using the word hate to describe people who don’t agree with you. We’ll talk about what hate IS in just a moment, but for right now, here’s what it’s not: hate is not disagreement. If someone fails to ringingly endorse your lifestyle, it means they disapprove. Hate is when that person wants you removed from society, even as a concept. Having a preference against something is not now, nor has it ever been hate. This can’t be the first time you’ve had that explained to you.

It’s Because He’s Intolerant. We Hate That, Too. In Fact, We Just Won’t Put Up With Intolerance.

Perhaps this illustration will help. Now, I believe that polygamy should be legal. Do you? It’s all right if you don’t. But for the very many of you who don’t feel this long-standing cultural practice should be legal, let me ask you–do you hate polygamists?¹ It’s seems a stupid question doesn’t it? Of course you don’t–you just don’t support their lifestyle. Why then do you make allegations of hate at people who fail to endorse the gay lifestyle? (It’s because you’re not very smart).

Seriously, Dude–Why Do You Hate The Plygs?

Folks, one of the things about making adult decisions in our own lives is being able to live with the consequences of our actions, whether or not we get approval from our peer group. You say you’re proud of yourself and have nothing to be ashamed of. Why then is it so important that society validate you?  Some news about complete and total acceptance: It ain’t coming, buddy–no matter how you choose live your life, not everybody is going to like it. Another part of being an adult is understanding this.

Good For You. Now All You Need To Do Is Live It.

So we’ve established that holding an opinion contrary to that which is politically correct is not, in and of itself, hate. Well, then just what IS hate?

I Know Where I Am, But How Did I Get Here?

By Which We Mean “World History For YOU.”

We’re so glad you asked. Let’s talk about Uganda, just one of the many countries around the world where gay people have to deal with real hate. You may ask, “So do gays in Uganda also face the horror of potentially hearing disapproval of their lifestyle?” Indeed they do–with the added inconvenience of occasionally being slaughtered for being gay. Now, that’s got to hurt some feelings!

These Guys Totally Know How You Feel. Or They Would–If They Were Legally ALLOWED To Be Gay.

We’d heard similar stories from Iran, but apparently they’re false, as we were informed that no homosexuals exist in Iran. We asked around, and to a man or woman, every individual told us he or she was 110% straight, hated gay people, and wished we would stop asking them these questions and please go away before the religious police saw us talking to them and started to get ideas (which would have been wrong, they were quick to remind us, as Iran is completely free of the gay).

Iran: ‘Cause You Can’t Hurt A Dead Guy’s Feelings.

And if America’s 2012 victims of “hate” could somehow be transported to Europe in the Spring and Summer of 1945 as the Nazi camps were liberated, I’m not sure that any of those few surviving individuals from Berlin’s once-thriving gay scene would be quite as moved by the plight of 21st Century gay Americans. Should you ever find yourself in this position, we recommend not telling this recently liberated individual how much Dan Cathy’s hurtful words “burn you up.” That means something entirely different to him.

“Really? They Don’t Approve Of You? My God–You Are So Brave Just To Get Out Of Bed In The Morning.”

Hating The Haters: We Hate Their Hate

This issue is personal to me. Now, I support the right for gays to marry (and I tell you this not so you’ll think better of me–your opinions aren’t even your own, so why should I care what your smarter, better-educated friend thinks of me?–but to remove one more intellectual obstacle in the hope–however vain–that you will be able to work yourself through this), but my very conservative grandmother does not. By the standards of your shortcut logic, that means she hates gays.

You should know, however, that for many years my grandmother took a variety of people into her home–teens, bums, single mothers, bachelors–anyone who needed it. I recall that one of them was a young gay man who lived with my grandmother long enough to graduate high school. I won’t speculate on what would have happened to the young man had she not taken him in for a few months, but it’s safe to say she made a great difference in his life and potential future.

Have you done as much as my Bible-thumping grandmother, or is lip-service enough to give you that warm glow of righteousness? Does it disturb you even a little bit that such a bigoted person has been of far more service to “the gays” than you have?

We Forget: Is It What You Say Or What You Do? We Hope It’s ‘What You Say’ Because, MAN!–That Is So Much Easier.

So when you call my grandmother a bigot or a hater, you’re not only demonstrating an inability to think critically about what you say, but also that you’re intolerant. I’ll admit it–it is painful for me to listen to you talk, because in terms of actual reasoning ability, you’re not much more advanced than a grade-schooler (I’m not saying it to be cruel; go back to the polygamist analogy–really, you should have been able to come up with that one on your own). Does that make me better than you? Absolutely it does. But I don’t hate you.

Sadly, there IS hate in America. As hard as it might be to believe, there are people who despise other people simply because of what they believe, who call names and shout epithets, who believe that people with these beliefs should be denied employment. But friends, when you can finally learn to put aside your hate and let people believe what they want to believe, America will be a better place.

To Be Fair, You Are Following Historical Precedent.

So let’s stop misusing hate before we completely strip the word of all its meaning, the way we did long ago with ‘love.’ Instead, why don’t we all worry a little bit less about whether somebody else likes us or approves of the way we live our lives, and just get about the business of living those lives.

Or Just Shut The Fuck Up. You Know, Whatever.

“He’s Trying To Trick You, Comrades! Utopia Will Come Once Everybody Feels The Same Way About The Issues: No Arguments, No Headaches.”

¹ If you find yourself saying “But polygamy is a completely different issue!”, you’re yet again demonstrating a staggering inability for critical thought. Polygamy itself isn’t the issue, but rather how you feel about polygamists. ∞ T.

Abortion: Little Women

27 Friday Jul 2012

Posted by in Culture, News, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 39 Comments

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By Smaktakula

Because It’s Your Right To Choose (Certain Exceptions May Apply).

In its 1973 landmark decision, Roe v. Wade, the US Supreme Court ruled that the Constitution guaranteed a woman’s right to an abortion. This decision gave women control of their own reproductive choices, and freed them from the potential slavery of unwanted children.

Don’t Sweat It; There’s A Quick Fix If Something Happens.

However, in 2012 there is growing concern that some parents may be abusing this fundamental right. Although a relatively insignificant problem in the West, sex-selective abortion has radically changed the demographic makeup of countries like China or India, where boys are more highly prized than are girls. To prevent the wholesale erasure of an entire generation of girls, advocates say that even in countries like the United States where sex-selection is rare, parents shouldn’t be told the gender of their child until late in the pregnancy, except in the most extreme cases.

So We Guess Abortion Should Be Kept Safe And Legal, As Long As Everybody Remembers It’s A Child And Not A Choice.

If fetal identity protection is enshrined into law, it could prove a godsend for all women, even those as-yet unborn. The elimination of the gender-selection loophole would limit abortion to those women with any one of the many acceptable reason for undergoing the procedure, such as not wanting a child, but would prevent individuals from terminating their pregnancies for reasons as odious as not wanting a girl-child.

“Abort More Boys!”

Why ‘Your’ Politician Is A Turd

17 Tuesday Jul 2012

Posted by in Culture

≈ 44 Comments

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By Smaktakula

If Venality, Stupidity And Incompetence Could Somehow Be Harnessed As Energy, Well, It Might Be Worth Having These Assholes Around.

Although Promethean Times tends to regard all office-seekers as suppurating anal abscesses until they can demonstrably prove otherwise, we are constantly amazed that so few people feel the same. Now, nearly EVERYBODY claims they hold politicians in contempt–complaining about the government is fun and easy after all. But if you begin to name specific politicians, these same people will almost always hold in exception those one or two politicians whom they believe are, unlike all the others, really trying to serve America’s needs. “Oh…well, not Senator Schmidlapp. He really tries to do good things for people.” No, he tries to steer federal funding to his state so that (if he’s ‘clean’) he can secure reelection, or (in the likely event he’s dirty) make some of his cronies rich.

If there’s any better indication that your pet pol is a douchebag, it’s that he (and we don’t mean to exclude lady politicians–those plucky gals have achieved a level of suckdom every bit as pronounced as that of their male counterparts) lies to you constantly. In fact, that’s why you vote for him.

Believes That The Obama Administration Is Trying To Put One Over On The American People. Won’t Show You His Taxes.

Take Obamacare, for example, having inflamed the public once again in light of the Supreme Court’s decision upholding the plan. Two very distinct narratives have emerged from Washington. To know which of these very different scenarios your politician blindly adheres, you need only to look at the letter after his name.

If there’s an R after his name, then it’s a sure-fire guarantee he favors the tableau of a morally bankrupt America which has been decimated by socialized medicine, more akin to the grey homogeneity of the Soviet Bloc than to the America remembered by the true patriots.  Obamacare is the end of life as we know it.

Drug Dealer In High School. Doesn’t Want Sick People To Have Access To Marijuana.

Not so, say the Democrats. If your boy has a D after his name, he believes that Obamacare is the only salvation for a bloated, moribund nation fattening itself on its own entrails. Not only will this miracle panacea halt America’s precipitous decline, but it will rapidly replenish the nation’s coffers, cut down skyrocketing medical costs, and transform America into the Care-Bear land of cuddly goodness it was always meant to be.

So are the Republicans right? The Democrats? Maybe something in between?

“I May Be A Brainless Talking Points Machine, But I’m Smarter Than The Guy Standing Next To Me.”

Here’s what we know, folks: We don’t know. There may be plenty of good reasons to support or oppose this legislation, and it is not unrealistic to believe economic models can predict Obamacare’s effects with some degree of accuracy. But that’s it–it’s a guess, either way. An educated guess? Sure–but a guess nonetheless.

Now, that’s not true–Smaktakula–I’ve seen statistics that show… ~ Yeah, but did you understand them? No you didn’t. You’re trusting an economist who did the number crunching for you. Hey, he might be right–but you don’t know for sure.

Socialized medicine has been tried in other countries and… ~ And this is different. It’s a different plan in a different country. It could work just fine here, or it could be a bust. It’s okay to have an opinion, but remember–you don’t know.

Because of Obamacare, children born today can expect… ~ Okay, now you REALLY don’t know.

He Never Wasted Any Time With Self-Doubt Either.

So you don’t know for sure. Why then, do you believe your politician does? Do you suppose he’s smarter than you are? Have you heard these people talk at any length without a teleprompter? They’re ALL Joe Biden.

So while he may have formed an educated opinion (or just as likely not) as to whether Obamacare will deliver the nation to a magical pixie-land of unending happiness or consign us to the dustbin of history, he really can’t be any more certain of it than you.

Why then, do our politicians on both sides of the aisle and their pet journalists discuss this significant issue with a certainty that would make the most brainwashed cultist look like a half-asser? It’s because they’re turds–turds who have no respect for your intelligence. So please, have a little for yourself and don’t vote stupid.

We Just Know You’re Gonna Vote Stupid.

Punching-Bag Faiths Make Bid For ‘Real Religion’ Status

07 Thursday Jun 2012

Posted by in Culture, Politics, Religion

≈ 12 Comments

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Originally Posted 01.03.12

By Smaktakula

Man, It Is So Refreshing Not Have To Make Up Some Excuse About His Politics, And Instead Simply Be Able To Say, “I’m Not Gonna Vote For This Guy ‘Cause I Hate His Crazy Religion.”

It’s no secret that joking about religion can be a dicey prospect. While it may occasionally still be safe to joke about baby-buggering bishops outside the earshot of any nearby papists (which means refraining from comment in bars, bingo parlors or AA meetings), kicking the Catholics is increasingly frowned upon in polite society. The Jews, for centuries the go-to faith for angry scapegoaters, have in the last half-century begun to push back with vehemence against all insults real and imagined. Even Islam, long-acknowledged as the most easy-going among all the Great Faiths, has begun to take a firmer hand with those who besmirch its many anachronistically inflexible tenets. It seems like nobody wants to be poked fun at any more, and doing so can cost you your job–or worse.

If Physical Intimidation Is Your Thing, Why Not Pick On The Quakers, Jehovah’s Witnesses Or Amish?–They’re Pacifists–Although They’re Tougher Than They Look.

That’s why we’re so lucky in America to have weirdo religions like the Mormons, Jehovah’s Witnesses, snake-handlers and the like. When feeling down, who hasn’t picked himself up by joking that the Mormon guy at work “probably has like eight wives?” And almost everyone has personally experienced the joy of bonding with a stranger over a simple conversation about how fucking annoying it is to have somebody come to your door once or twice a year to tell you that God loves you.

“Would You PLEASE Stop Saying That? It’s Offensive.”

But even these small comforts may soon be a memory. Kicking bizarre religions could become a quaint relic of yesteryear if these fundamentalist wackos get their way, and pretty soon we may have to start treating these fringe-dwellers like real faiths–with respect. Ridiculous!  We would rather see our daughters forced into a life of prostitution than to compromise our principles by treating a snake handler as if he were the spiritual equal of a Methodist or a Muslim. Not only is snake handling illegal in most civilized states, but its disturbing tenets fall completely outside the boundaries of what Promethean Times deems acceptable for a ‘normal’ religion.

We Call Bullshit. They’re Happy AND They Enjoy Spending Time With Their Families? Just What The Fuck Is Wrong With These People?

While we believe that, without exception, tolerance should be extended to every person on Earth regardless of his or her wacky beliefs, we can’t stand Mormons because of their extreme and hateful view of homosexuality–they strongly disapprove of it. Perhaps if we outlawed their ridiculous religion they’d understand how important it is to tolerate people with differing beliefs, even those considered offensive.

Sure, We All Know That Church On Saturday Is Weird And Wrong. But If You Want To Avoid Real Trouble, Make Sure The Line Of People At Which You’re Throwing Eggs Is Coming Out Of A Kingdom Hall.

What can we say about the Jehovah’s Witnesses that we haven’t said before?  The really irritating thing about the Jehovah’s Witnesses is that when they’re mocked and the faith they hold so dear is distorted by a bunch of sneering half-truths, they retaliate by taking the time to write a nice note with a polite point-by-point response to the issues upon which there is disagreement. Some call it ‘turning the other cheek,’ but we call it fighting dirty.

Plus, They’re Cowards. When Most Other Able-Bodied German Men Were Doing Their Part To Enslave The Remaining Free Peoples Of Europe, The Jehovah’s Witnesses Decided They’d Rather Stay Home And Camp.

Although the American public still enjoys the right to publicly belittle these various zealots without fear of social opprobrium, the winds are changing. Soon, we may be forced to place these factions on par with those groups which have a legitimate history of persecution, like NAMBLA, the North American Man-Boy Love Association. Until then, we ask that other people of legitimate faiths to join us in fervently wishing that a few more of those freaks get bit by their own deadly serpents.

Serves You Right For Being Such A Weirdo.

In America, we treat all beliefs with equal respect.  You can get behind that or you can get the fuck out. ∞T.

Members Only

23 Wednesday May 2012

Posted by in History, News

≈ 3 Comments

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By Smaktakula

Promoting Equality And Unity Through Race-Based Exclusion.

Americans take pride in the notion that their nation is a meritocracy, a place where the pathway to success remains open to every man, woman and child regardless of his or her race. This has not always been the case: for almost two-hundred years the United States denied equal rights to all its citizens based on the color of their skin. But times have changed, and most 21st Century Americans regard as odious any organization which precludes membership based on race. This is particularly true with regard to government.

Meet the Congressional Black Caucus. African-American members of the House of Representatives founded the CBC in 1971 to address inequities within the African-American community, particularly in regard to poverty, economic security, voting rights and health. Because the Caucus concerns itself exclusively with issues of importance to black Americans, critics of the Caucus or of Caucus members often find themselves cast as racists. The Caucus’ virtual immunity from criticism has until very recently permitted a remarkable lack of press scrutiny.

She Likely Takes A Dim View Of Race-Exclusive Organizations.

Although their membership has been primarily composed of Democrats (there have been a handful of black Republicans in congress over the years), the Congressional Black Caucus is not officially affiliated with any party. Other than being a congressperson, the one qualification for membership in the CBC is being black.

Despite this non-partisan stance, it might be expected that with the Caucus being almost exclusively comprised by Democrats, Caucus members’ loyalty might be divided between race and party. Not so. On numerous occasions the CBC has supported primary challengers against sitting Democrats if the challenger was African-American and the sitting Democrat was not.

Pete Stark, a California Democrat and white person, tried to join the CBC in 1975. Although the Caucus’ rules do not specifically prohibit white people from joining, Stark was politely rebuffed.

The CBC Is Keeping It Real, And By Real We Mean Exclusively African-American.

More recently, another white guy tried to join the club–Tennessee Democrat Stephen I. Cohen. While campaigning in the heavily black district formerly held by Harold Ford, Cohen promised that if elected, he would join the Caucus to better represent the interests of his constituents.

Cohen failed to understand that the CBC’s interest lie with black politicians, not black constituents. Shortly after Cohen won the seat, the Caucus made it clear that even one caucasian was one too many.

Undercover Brother: The Rep. From NC Is A Proud Member Of The Caucus.

Said Representative William Lacy Clay Jr., a Missouri Democrat, “Mr. Cohen asked for admission, and he got his answer.” Defending this policy, which might seem reminiscent of a Jim Crow era No Negroes In The Country Club practice, Clay said, “It’s an unwritten rule. It’s understood. It’s clear.”

Cohen said he became convinced that joining the caucus would be “a social faux pas” after seeing news reports that former Rep. William Lacy Clay Sr., D-Mo., a co-founder of the Caucus, had circulated a memo telling members it was “critical” that the group remain “exclusively African-American.”

Unfortunately, the delicious irony of race-based exclusion by a congressional body stemming directly from the civil rights movement seems lost on the members of the Caucus.

“Sir, There Is Nothing At All Ironic About Your Racism!”

Promethea Culpa

17 Thursday May 2012

Posted by in Crime, Culture, History, News

≈ 15 Comments

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Originally presented Jan 18, 2011

By Tardsie

Promethean Times regrets that our clumsy handling of a recent event necessitates both a clarification and an apology.  We have entered an age in which our words take on meanings not originally intended, and where the line between free speech and incitement has grown perilously thin.

Sarah To Kate: “RUN, BITCH! RUN!” By Which She Means ‘Run For Elected Office.’ Sarah Thinks Kate Is Just Swell.

Recent violence in the United States compels us to reexamine a December 27th Promethean Times piece, Plan To Strand Palin, Gosselin In Alaskan Wilderness Unsuccessful.  In the aforementioned piece, we depicted a gun-toting Sarah Palin above the caption ‘Many People Hoped That This Image Would Be The Last Thing To Go Through Kate Gosselin’s Mind Before The Bullet.’

We’re confident most readers understood that our intention, however ham-handed in its execution, was to express the hope that an image of her friend Sarah Palin went through Kate Gosselin’s mind rapidly–as in, with the speed of a bullet. We did not mean to imply or depict, as some readers clearly believe, any intended violence from Palin toward the talentless reality star.  This erroneous assumption is bolstered by our choice of image, and in this, we probably chose unwisely.  If we had to do it again, would most likely not choose a picture of Palin with an automatic weapon, and definitely not one in which the former vice-presidential candidate is taking direct aim at the viewer.

We want to be perfectly clear: the error was inadvertent.  Although as a staff we are stunned that anyone would believe Promethean Times capable of such a gross breach of our journalistic responsibilities, we acknowledge that through our own actions, we bear at least some culpability for the confusion.

“I’ve Got A Shotgun Shell Here With Kate’s Name On It. As A Present, Of Course. I Did The Engraving Myself. You Betcha!”

We very  much regret that Promethean Times‘ ambiguous phrasing caused alarm among a portion of our more sensitive readers, and in the future will endeavor whenever possible to eschew confusing, convoluted–and seemingly interminable–sentences which, through their various levels of syntactic abstraction not only serve to baffle a reader, but also sorely test his or her patience with the writer’s self-indulgent, pointless and increasingly wearisome verbal prestidigitation; instead, in such situations where previously we might have employed so confusing and unnecessarily-elaborate a syntax, we henceforth shall strive mightily to use only the most concise, clearly-worded and straightforward sentence structure in both the hope and belief that in doing so, such plain grammar will not only help to mitigate the very real possibility of further confounding the reader and thereby abrogating our journalistic mandate to effectively impart an intended message, but also–and by no means less importantly–to be more thoroughly satisfying for the reader.

For reals.

“KILL SMAKTAKULA! With Kindness. You’ve Heard That Expression, Right?”

For Reals: The Best of Promethean Times!

17 Friday Feb 2012

Posted by in Celebrity, Culture, News

≈ 2 Comments

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By the Promethean Times Editorial Staff

For The Best And Most Reliable News From The Four Corners Of The Globe, You Know Where To Look.

In which we present a few of  our favorite Promethean Times’ features. We hope you’ll enjoy as well. ∞ T.

Humor:

We Prefer Humor That Is Neither Hurtful Nor Degrading.

Our readers know that humor is near and dear to our hearts. In the following post, we provide the punch lines to our very favorite jokes. Straight lines not included.

The Big Issues:

Blondes: As Stupid As They Are Slutty.

In which we tackle the pressing social issues of freedom of speech and question the true nature of female beauty. We also discuss why blond people shouldn’t wear their hair in dreadlocks, and why their women are so dumb and slutty.

Nature:

This Is Nothing A Car Exhaust And A Length Of Hose Won't Cure.

We care deeply about the environment and the creatures who live within it.

Culture:

Has Anyone Ever Stopped To Ask If Maybe They Had It Coming?

We spend a good deal of time talking about various places around the globe.  We think you’ll enjoy our report on those iniquitous Belgians.

People in Power:

Jimmy, Why Do You Hang Out With Him If He's Just Gonna Treat You Like That?

Like the rest of the world, we’re fascinated by powerful people. In these  gems, we explore the friendship between two former presidents, and examine the future King of England’s quest for true love.

Small Black Actors:

Small, Black & Formerly Famous. But The Similarities End There.

Tales of two diminutive former child stars: one a cursed, loveless misanthrope, the other a happy little man-whore.

The Evil Ones:

Ding, Dong The Dick Is Dead!

In which we take a hard look at the enemies of freedom.

Fictional Characters:

His Blood Was An Unsweetened Raspberry-Watermelon. Even The Dogs Wouldn't Lap It Up.

It’s not just real people who get the Promethean Times treatment. Here we explore the tragic effect of violence upon the worlds of soft-drink advertising and children’s educational programming.

Professional Women

15 Wednesday Feb 2012

Posted by in Crime, Culture

≈ 8 Comments

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By Smaktakula

She Works Hard For The Money.

Why should prostitution be illegal? Selling is legal. Fucking is legal. Why isn’t selling fucking legal?

George Carlin

Prostitution remains illegal throughout most of the world. Despite the hypocrisy inherent in being forbidden to sell what you can give away for nothing, antiquated morality keeps the industry underground. This in turn creates a host of problems for the prostitute, making her not only a criminal, but perpetuating the dangerous cycle of abuse and drug-addiction so common throughout the industry.

Professional Ladies Come In All Shapes And Sizes.

Attitudes are finally changing, however. One indicator of increasing support for legalized prostitution has been the rebranding of the industry. Long known as prostitutes, hookers and in vulgar circles, whores, these plucky gals¹ are now known as sex-industry workers.

You Know, When You Call It That, You Take A Lot Of The Fun Out Of It.

A further way in which attitudes have demonstratively changed is in our treatment of the women themselves. Long regarded as ‘unfortunates,’ something perhaps more than animal but less than human, and completely unable to make decisions for themselves, members of the world’s oldest non-farming profession are increasingly being seen as human beings with the accordant dignity and rights such status implies.

You're No Great Beauty, It's True--But Don't Sell Yourself Short. You Saw The Heifer Two Images Back, Right?

Only a few years ago, a sex worker who was brave enough to report being sexually assaulted would probably receive more humiliation than help from the police, and likely never see justice. Today, her assailant would be charged with rape. This is tremendous progress, but still falls short of justice, failing to recognize the complex entity a sex-worker represents. As she is an individual with rights, charging her attacker with rape is entirely appropriate. However, the sex worker is also a business entity, for which reason the unlucky rapist should additionally be charged with theft.²

Not A Prostitute Per Se, But Still Very Much A Whore.

¹This applies to industry females only. Male sex workers are still called rent boys. ∞ T.
²In some cases this only amounts to shoplifting. Don’t sell it so cheap, ladies! ∞ T.