By Smaktakula
In which we present a happy thought for the weekend:
It’s True: We Spend A Good Deal Of Our Free Time Devising Ways To Bring A Little More Sunshine Into Your Life.
Life is demanding, noisy and chaotic. It is distracting. The myriad stimuli with which we anesthetize ourselves and to which we have become hopelessly addicted often obscure the everyday wonders which are never in short supply, but lacking the stridency and sex-appeal of electronic gadgetry, go so often unnoticed.
One such simple but overlooked beauty of life is manifested in a biological quirk: that men and boys are able to pee standing up. Although this truth is known to virtually the entire human population over the age of two, very few stop to consider the full ramifications of this notion.
Eww. See? You’re Not Ready For This Awesome Privilege.
Contemplating the nature of the standing pee is of benefit to both sexes. Reduced to its essence, it becomes a liberating, powerful concept:
Men, the world itself is your urinal.
Take joy in this freedom to go where you want to go.
There’s Only One Rule: Shake It Off Before It Goes Back In Your Pants.
And ladies, that the world is not your urinal no doubt comes as something of a relief.
Any Time. Any Place. Any Reason.
Promethean Times 
NICE!!!
I’m Gonna Go Pee Right Now!!!
WOOT!!!
hehehe
-B.
My five-year old was sleep-walking one night last week. I was up watching T.V. Suddenly, he comes downstairs, stands in front of the kitchen trash can, and begins to pull out his little tool. I grabbed his hand and led him into the bathroom before he could unleash into the trash can. Once in front of the toilet, he let go a full stream. The next morning, when I told him this little story, he believed none of it. Such is life for a five-year old little guy.
Did he think you were Gaslighting him? Come to think of it, that’s not a terrible idea.
However, what IS a terrible idea (and keeping with the pee theme)…the other day my older boys thought it would be a great idea to have a group pee. I consented, and as my boys get their woeful coordination from me, I probably should have expected to come away with a wet pantleg.
That’s it. Men are just… gross. I’m becoming a lesbian. I should have done it long ago.
Well, I think the important thing is that when you do finally take the plunge, you take pictures.
I’ve always thought that the ability to pee while standing up (or while walking for those of us more adept) was why men ruled the world.
I thought it was our opposable thumbs. And don’t start with how some women supposedly have opposable thumbs as well–that’s just gross!
This made think of this video
Cosmically unfair.
That unique male gift comes in handy when traveling with boys. So does the fact that they can do their business in an empty soda bottle. Unfortunately, my soda of choice is Diet Mountain Dew, so one has to be careful when reaching to take a sip.
Or stop the car more often…
No way. When I’m on a mission to get somewhere, I’m on a mission to get somewhere…
Kidding, but sometimes a rest stop wasn’t there when it was needed. Besides, what little boy doesn’t want to pee in a bottle? Obviously my sons are too old to do that now, but it worked like a charm when they were little!
I’ll remember that on those drives down the 40 with 130 miles of nothing.
We wrote a post about that very thing! Here it is. You’re welcome!
I should have known.
We try to stay on the cutting edge of bladder-related news, even if most of it is (sorry sorry sorry) yellow journalism.
Better yellow than red. At least that’s what my kidneys always say.
That your kidneys talk to you at all should be cause for concern.
My organs are a talkative bunch.
A pisser! In my Treasures of the Pleasures essay (on my blog somewhere) I make reference to this distinctly male pleasure. but, in admirable political correctness, I add “or, for the ladies, hearing that tinkle in the bowl”
Because that’s just as good, right?
Of course not. i was just being politically correct.
boys are just gross
It’s so true. You’d be surprised how many men in public restrooms disregard hand washing as high-falootin’ and fancy schmany nonsense.
oooh please do not tell me these things.. 🙂
I’m just saying, be careful with whom you share popcorn with at the movies.
haaa I don’t go out for these reasons.. smile
It’s very true. You already probably know not to take unwrapped candy or nuts from a public bowl.
My son has a philosophy on hand washing after peeing. He figures his business hasn’t been out getting dirty so why should his hands be dirty after handling his business? Makes you think twice about that hearty handshake, doesn’t it?
It does. It also makes me think twice about the phrase Small Business Owner.
I’m sure there are a lot of guys out there who could technically claim that descriptive!
Very true.
One of the Claremonts? No wait! Oxy? Was it Oxy?? Did “this one dude” go on to rather prominent public office?
Wait a minnit. If he never told anyone, then how could — it was YOU!
One of the Claremonts? No wait! Oxy? Was it Oxy?
I wasn’t that bright, I’m afraid. We played them in football, though.
Huh. Musta been Whittier, then…
Hail to thee dear Whittier, home of friends forever, thou art virtuous, Whittier, in thy high endeavor.
You didn’t think I’d go to Chapman?
*wishing there was something better than “lmao”*
Originally I was going to say, “Go ahead, rub it in” but then I thought, Ew.
By the way, I can pee standing up. It’s just that I get really messy when I do.
It’s just that I get really messy when I do.
I have the very same problem.
I got a bit lost when you mentioned there were more things than electronic gadgets, so I went for a “slash” (some quaint english slang for the post), and returned to find out that yep, its about something men can do. And as Madam Weebles pointed out the other day, we tend to need a light on to help us aim properly. Unless we do it off a bridge. But even then you need light if trying to hit someone in particular. Hmm…
This post made me giggle! I did a post one time about my neighbor’s kids – I pulled up from work one day and this little boy was peeing off his porch and his sister looked like Hey, I can do that too, and she pulled down her pants and ahem…arched the pee right on out there like him…I thought, “Damn! That was an amazing feat!”
I remember that one!
My son is quite proud of the fact that the male of the species can whiz on just about anything whilst remaining upright. Shortly after his Dad taught him that a guy can just whiz outside if the bathroom is occupied, (my son was 8 or 9) I look out the picture window and there he is, drawers at his knees, Sponge Bob boxers and all, whizzing on the oak tree in the front yard that overlooks a busy road. He didn’t get it that if you must whiz outside then do it in the back yard where there’s a privacy fence.