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By The Promethean Times Editorial Staff

It’s Just That We Didn’t Know You Could Read Music AND Real Words, Too.

We have preempted our previously scheduled feature Untruth & Consequences: I’m Tardsie, And I’m An Alcoholic Apparently so that we may bring you this very special apology:

Promethean Times regrets the exceedingly poor judgement which contributed to our use of a term considered to be highly offensive to individuals who participate in high school band and orchestra programs. We further regret language which could be construed as threatening. However, we believe it was abundantly clear to most readers that we in no way intended the phrase ‘kick the band {members}‘ as an incitement to violence against members of the HSBO community, nor an invitation to harass them or in any way interfere with their lives, schooling or band responsibilities.

We Could Not Have Been More Off-Base. Sorry.

We extend our most sincere apologies to anyone offended by our unfortunate choice of words in this instance.  We will exercise more caution in the future, and very much wish to reassure our readership that this uncharacteristic misstep did not in any way arise from losing sight of our journalistic duty to the public, but rather was simply an expression of our deep-seated and particularly virulent animosity toward band {members}–we just hate those poncey fuckers so goddamn much.

We Dream Of That Happy Day When Band Flags Hang From Traffic Lights And Telephone Poles All Across This Great Land.