The Infant Was Snatched From His Hand Just Before This Picture Was Taken.
Republicans are giddy with the rumors that famed intergalactic crimelord Jabba the Hutt is mulling a bid for their party’s nomination. Although the gelatinous gangster denies the rumors, supporters say that Jabba’s no-nonsense approach to fiscal policy, proven opposition to smugglers and fanatical hatred of unions puts him in good stead with the conservative elite. Moreover, Jabba’s backers contend that although he is a grotesquely bloated slug with comically vestigial limbs, he’s still both more appealing and electable than Donald Trump.
"Plus, He's Got Better Hair."
What? We did it to Elena Kagan, too. Our shallow cruelties are beholden to no political party. ∞T.