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Holy Mother Of God--Time Has Run Out! Why Has The Game Not Stopped? (Translated From The Italian)

        –It’s not because soccer is such a low-scoring game that matches are as futile as tether-ball for the blind.            

         –It’s not for lack of exposure to the game, as if trendy American parents haven’t been forcing soccer on their offspring for at least two generations.                

     –It apparently has nothing to do with the fact that the United States, a sports juggernaut, has never managed to field a World Cup men’s team able to muster better than a third-place finish (with those heady days of soccer glory being well-over half a century in the past).                

     –Nor is it due to the contact rules which encourage players to eschew their dignity and flop on the ground like hooked sturgeon when struck by anything harder than a stiff wind.                

    –It isn’t a reaction to effete europhiles who confuse soccer with the entirely dissimilar game of football.                

    –Amazingly, it has nothing to do with the shameful proliferation of mullets throughout the sport.               

This Is Considered An Acceptable Hairstyle In Soccer

No, according to CNN, America’s ambivalence to soccer isn’t for any of those excellent reasons.  Apparently, the Yankee disdain for “The Beautiful Game” stems from a desire to thumb their noises at their former British masters.               

For this same reason, it’s likely that ping-pong will never be more than a frat house game in America.  Eschewing table tennis is a great way for Americans to show defiance toward their current Chinese masters.           


Even The Paddle Is Red

Goooooooooooooal!: Why America never fell in love with soccer – CNN.com.