Tags
Canada, cock-knockers, Dalai Lama, DMV, Donald Trump, douchebaggery, Eddie Murphy, Emilio Estevez, Glenn Beck, Kobe Bryant, Lolcats, Mission Accomplished, Nancy Grace, Osama bin Laden, Prince Harry, Ringo Starr, Snarf, US Penis size as a cause of insecurity
By Smaktakula
Bet You Never Thought You'd Miss This Guy.
The non-turbanned, loosely-wound portion of the world’s population was delighted to hear that inveterate nastyman Osama bin Laden was shot down like a dog, or like anything else that gets shot, really. For some this joy manifested itself in garish displays of celebration and of nationalistic revelry. For others, this was a time for the slow shaking of heads and smug reminders that, no matter the enormity of bin Laden’s crimes, death is not something to be celebrated. But yahoos and pussies alike found common ground in their delight over the death of the cave-dwelling cock-knocker.
Now More Than Ever, A Desperate World Cries Out For An Epic Douchebag.
But now, as the warm afterglow of Mission (Finally) Accomplished begins to fade, so also does the sense of cohesion which, for one shining moment of vengeance-fueled bloodlust, brought us all together. If this dispersion remains unchecked, we risk drifting back into our petty disagreements.
However, if a new enemy can quickly be found, one in which society can invest its currently unfocused capacity for hatred, we can perhaps recapture the magic of our unified malice.
Some Suggestions For The New Public Enemy #1
With The Intellectual Capacity Of A Houseplant, Nancy Grace Gives False Hope To The Very Stupid.
Kobe Bryant: You Know Why.
The Cranky, Slow And Incompetent Lady At The DMV.
As Is So Often His Lot In Life, Ringo Wasn't Our First Choice For This List, But He'll Have To Do.
Emilio Estevez: No One Will Be Expecting The 'Good' Sheen.
We've Been Gunning For Him Since The 'Chipotle' Commercial.
The Chinese Government Will Back Us On This One.
Americans And Western Europeans Will Have No Problems Resenting Canadians For Their Larger Penises.
Hasn't Made A Good Movie Since The First Bush Presidency, Unless You Count 'Pluto Nash.' Which We Do.
Too Easy.
Lolcats: Ruining Our Grammar Through Their Insidious Adorableness.
Prince Harry: Likes To Dress Up As A Nazi.
"SNARF!"
Promethean Times 
Weapons are the tools of violence;
all decent men detest them.
Weapons are the tools of fear;
a decent man will avoid them
except in the direst necessity
and, if compelled, will use them
only with the utmost restraint.
Peace is his highest value.
If the peace has been shattered,
how can he be content?
His enemies are not demons,
but human beings like himself.
He doesn’t wish them personal harm.
Nor does he rejoice in victory.
How could he rejoice in victory
and delight in the slaughter of men?
He enters a battle gravely,
with sorrow and with great compassion,
as if he were attending a funeral.
From Tao Te Ching, Chapter 31
Are you saying we were remiss for not including Lau-Tzu on our list?
Nancy Grace has always, and continues to this day, to make decisions based only upon emotions of the cases and not the facts. That’s one of the many reasons why she cannot practice Law anymore in any state within the total United States of America. Plus, she has lead to the victim’s deaths in several instances where she telephones them and badgers them to the point of suicide, then denies it, then pays money to the victim’s survivors to stay out of jail and prison. There is no greater threat to victims than Nancy Grace, she actually and truly costs lives of non-convicted victims of crimes. Since she was never directly a victim of any crime in her life, she remains clue-less tot he damage she does to real victims of crimes.
We just don’t care for the lady.
That’s an easy fix, don’t go on her show. I always love those shows, where your wife, husband, boyfriend or girlfriend, ask you to go on Springer, because they have a surprise question they want to ask you.