By Smaktakula

It’s easy to forget the impact that organ transplants have had on society. Medical science has advanced to such a degree that it now seems routine to cut the organs from a dying man or woman and transplant them into the body of a patient who, without the procedure, would otherwise die. There are thousands of people today who owe their very lives to men and women whose names they will never know.

Despite the dizzying progress of our science, human behavior has yet to make the same quantum leap.  Because increasingly fewer people are opting to become organ donors, the demand for transplants far outpaces the availability of suitable organs.

If a Centers for Disease Control recommendation is implemented, quality organs will become even more rare. The venerable health organization takes very seriously its responsibility to ensure that only the pinkest, healthiest organs get sewn into recipients. To meet this end,the CDC has devised several screening methods to weed out potential undesirables and plague-carriers. Relying heavily on statistics, the organization has identified several high-risk groups, such as convicts, whose members are barred from organ donation.  However, in a move sure to stoke the ire of pro-skank activists around the globe, the CDC has issued recommendations barring persons of a slutty nature from donating organs.

Smaktakula’s lonely and isolated existence would make him a perfect candidate to donate his organs, if only doctors weren’t so hung up about sclerosis. ∞ T.