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~ A Collection of Oddities Calculated to Amuse, Enlighten and Horrify.

Promethean Times

Monthly Archives: March 2012

Tardsie: Return To Sender

30 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

Austin Powers, clowns, Elvis Aaron Presley, Italy, OxyContin, Patriot Act, Rome, Tardsie, Travels With Tardsie, Washington DC

By Smaktakula

Tardsie, Where The Hell Are You?

 Oh, happy day!–we’ve just received word from the Shelby County Sheriff’s Department that our beloved Editor-In-Chief, Tardsie D. Bagg, has been found alive–and for the most part well–in Memphis, Tennessee. During our brief and acrimonious phone conversation with the nylon adventurer, Tarsdie explained in greater detail how he was found lying on the grave of Elvis Presley, turned inside-out and smeared with a honey-like substance.

Some Folks Perform The Haj, But Tardsie Goes To Graceland.

Tardsie’s recollection of the days following his last known appearance in Aberdeen, South Dakota, is understandably dim. Disturbingly, Tardsie insists that for the last two or three days, he’s been hiding in the attic of Graceland, playing Connect Four with an aging Elvis while the two of them gorged themselves silly on peanut-butter & OxyContin sandwiches.

This Photo Was Taken Just Moments Before The Grisly Orgy Of Blood And Greasepaint That Left Mr. Chuckles Clinging To Life.

As temporally improbable as such a claim is, you must admit, it sounds like something those two would do.

Thanks To Certain Provisions In The Patriot Act, This Is As Close To The White House As Tarsie Is Allowed To Get.

Tardsie Knows Lots Of Famous People. Elvis Is Just The Coolest.

A Wench Of Easy Virtue On Your Arm, And A Belly Full Of Pills And Mayonnaise. Does It Get Any Better Than This?

Take That Frog Out Of Your Mouth!

28 Wednesday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ 26 Comments

Tags

English, France, German, liberty cabbage, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, talk American!, the French, United States of America, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

Love It Or Leave It! But If You Want To Make It A Little Easier For Everyone, You’ll Love It.

The American Language is an adaptive and remarkable tongue, borrowing unhesitatingly from other languages such as Latin, German and English. But this easy exchange of language is dependent at the very least upon non-hostility between America and the lucky nation whose language is being appropriated. When relations between the US and the donor country are strained, language is often the first victim.

Even Our Grammar Is Remarkably Free!

Anti-German sentiment during the First World War caused significant changes in language. Not only did the British ruling family, then known as the House of Saxe-Coburg, change its name to the more Anglo-acceptable (and decidedly Hallmarky) name of ‘Windsor,’ but also prompted Americans to change the names of foodstuffs such as Frankfurters and sauerkraut. The hot-dogs earned the ridiculous sobriquet ‘Liberty Pups,’ while the inedible rancid condiment was called ‘Liberty Cabbage.’

German Names Are Already Pretty Fucked-Up.

Increasingly, however, Americans have grown too stupid even to recognize words as being of foreign origin, and tend to express their frustrations toward words which so obviously pertain to foreign cultures as to be unmistakable. A relatively recent example of this was during the United States’ Second Groovy Gulf Adventure, when France, heretofore such a reliable and staunch ally, did not count itself among the ‘Coalition of the Willing.” Jacques Chirac, the then-French President, stated unequivocally that French forces would not be used for military adventurism, but would instead stand ready for the inevitable day when they would be once again called upon to surrender their beloved homeland to the invading Germans. Americans responded by changing the name of the one French thing everybody could identify: French Fries. That’s why today, every red-blooded American patriot still calls the greasy little spuds ‘Freedom Fries.’

I Have Not Yet Begun To Fight. No, Really–I’m Not All That Invested.

However, is it enough to simply change the name of a single–if popular–artery-clogging snack? Of course it isn’t–and if you had to think about that answer, ‘Comrade,’ then you’ve clearly demonstrated on which side of the Axis of Evil you rotate. Effective immediately, Promethean Times demands that all good Americans (by which we mean the world’s population) refer to “French” concepts by their newly coined acceptable patriotic substitutes.

Talking American

French Cuffs: Freedom Cuffs

French Kissing: Liberty Licking

French Door: Escape Hatch

French Manicure: The Columbia Clip

In America, Our Patriotism Extends All The Way To The Cellular Level. Even The Dead Ones.

French’s Mustard: La Sauce de Capitulation (colloquially known as ‘surrender sauce’)

French Curve: Triumphant Arch (see what we did there?)

French Braid: Bad Hair Day

French Roast: Shock & Java

French Stewart: Indiana Jones

The French Connection: Syphilis

“Le Sale Français.”

Plain High Drifter

26 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Stupidity

≈ 7 Comments

Tags

North Dakota, places that suck, South Dakota, Travels With Tardsie, unlivable places

By Smaktakula

Tardsie has missed his last two check-ins. Although we’ve temporarily lost contact with the intrepid knapsack, we remind readers that Tardsie is a seasoned traveler, who’s no doubt having so much fun that he forgot to check in.

"Hello? Hey, Can Anyone Hear Me? I'd Like To Come Home Now. Hello?"

“O bury me not…” And his voice failed there.
But they took no heed to his dying prayer.
In a narrow grave, just six by three
They buried him there on the lone prairie.”

Dispatches From Nowhere

26 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ 22 Comments

Tags

Adam & Eve, American Samoa, Caribbean, Delaware, Hawaii, Ibiza, Lawrence Welk, North Dakota, Pierre, Smaktakula's decades-old vendetta against the French, South Dakota, Travels With Tardsie

By Smaktakula

From His Wind-Whipped Prairie Exile, Tardsie Writes: "People Ask Me All The Time If This Job Gets To Me. Hell--You Can See I'm More Clip Than Zipper These Days; I Lost Track A Long Time Ago Of How Many Nights I Cry Myself To Sleep. But Would I Quit? No Way--I Love It Too Much."

We didn’t create Promethean Times so that we could do things the easy way. We believe first and foremost in solid reporting and fierce investigative journalism. It’s no great feat to cover the news in exotic locales like Hawaii, the Caribbean or Ibiza. But when a story reveals itself in a blighted, lifeless place where no reasonable person would want to go, the real journalists rise to the challenge.

Promethean Times’ Editor-in-Chief, Tardsie D. Bagg has been sent on assignment to the Dakotas. In such circumstances, it can be easy to exaggerate the inconvenience or degree of difficulty. However, we feel entirely justified in comparing Tardsie’s departure from our cozy coastal environs for the endless expanses of this half-frozen horizontal First Circle of Hell to the expulsion of Adam and Eve from the Garden.

He left this:

But Where You Live Is Pretty Cool, Too.

For this:

The Death-Knell Of A Cherished Way Of Life Will Be Sounded Sometime In 2015-2016, When Indoor Plumbing Finally Comes To The Dakotas.

You’re welcome.

As the Dakotas are, after Delaware and American Samoa, indisputably the nation’s most forgettable territorial possessions, readers might wonder just what’s happening on the prairie that could command the attention of a busy A-Lister like Tardsie. Instead, we ask you, what ISN’T happening in the Dakotas? We can’t tell you everything, but here’s a little bit of what our very special Special Olympian is up to in the land that time forgot.

  • Investigating potential truths in the oft-repeated anecdotes about travelling salesmen and the nubile daughters of local farmers.
  • Demanding to know why the Dakota Contraction has yet to be implemented.
  • Petitioning the South Dakota legislature to have Teddy Roosevelt dynamited from Mt. Rushmore. Not in our America, Teddy.
  • Party like ’tis 1899.
  • Honoring the residents of Pierre (pronounced ‘peer’), South Dakota for their indefatigable efforts to mangle French pronunciation.
  • Cow Tipping! Cow Tipping! Cow Tipping!
  • Preparing the upcoming feature: How much tribal land can you get for $7.55 worth of beads and half a bottle of Old Granddad?

This Is What Passes For News Here In Terra Lame-O. Makes You Want To Give 'Em Something To Talk About, Doesn't It?

A taxi driver, bragging about North Dakota’s recent oil-boom, told me that the state has the largest Camaro dealership anywhere, proving that Dakotans have more money than class. Pray for me, friends. ∞ T.

The Sinister Secret Of Southpaws

23 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Stupidity

≈ 25 Comments

Tags

aberrant behavior, gauche, Jamie Moyer, left-handed people, lefties, normals, right-handed people, sinister, southpaws, unfavorable characteristics, Why am I so left-handed?

By Smaktakula

…Or We’ll KEEP You Right.

Regardless of your willingness to take a hard, long look at the truth, the fact remains that humanity is beset by an insidious societal blight which affects as much as 10% of the world’s population. Increasingly, the remaining 90%, or ‘normals,’ as they are most commonly known, seem ready to let their own culture be relegated to history’s dustbin rather than take the necessary steps to ensure that these genetic timebombs mend their incorrect ways. This view is not simply short-sighted in its naiveté, but downright foolish in its refusal to confront the very real threat creeping up on us from our blind side. Simply put, we dig our own grave when we downplay or refuse to acknowledge altogether the treacherous iniquity of left-handed people.

What The Hell? Do You Even Think About The Things You Say, Lefty? God–We Wish They Had Camps For You People.

Despite the very real danger posed by southpaws, those few journalists brave enough to bring attention to the goofy-handed threat are branded bigots, and often pay with their livelihoods. It has long since become politically incorrect to highlight what even a child can see for himself--that these people are using the wrong hand for just about everything they do! Society would apparently rather believe that these “people,”–who insist on daily engaging in behavior which is not only unfathomable to normals, but moreover, something most people could quite literally not bring themselves to do–are born that way, and that their bizarre and unnatural behavior is in no way a matter of choice.

No One Has Yet Come Up With A Sufficiently Biting Term For Lefties. It Makes Us Wish Society Hadn’t Been Quite So Hasty In Assigning The Pejorative “Fags.”

Promethean Times disagrees. We believe that humanity was created by an all-knowing God to do things a certain way–the RIGHT way– and that those who fail to remember this put at risk their immortal souls.¹ For too long these foul, slouching creatures have been allowed to walk among us as equals, and given free rein to pollute the minds of youth by their poor example. The time to remain muzzled by the fuzzy sentiments of political correctness has passed. Our duty is not to assuage the feelings of degenerates, but rather to halt our society’s decay as it falls under the shadow of an alien hand.

No, You’re Right, He’s A Total Asshole. But Give Him Some Points For Form.

It’s certainly no accident that the word ‘sinister’ is derived from Latin for ‘left handed.’ Nor should it be too onerous to determine which is the correct foot referred to in the aphorism ‘put your best foot forward.’ And just where do you suppose the French got ‘Gauche?’ You know that ‘dexterous’ means ‘skillful,’ but did you also know can also mean ‘right-handed?’ If these examples aren’t enough to remind readers that even language abhors a lefty, it should be remembered that left’s opposite is a synonym for ‘correct.’ It is only in recent times that we have eschewed the wisdom (right-) handed to us by our forefathers, and instead drawn these evolutionary dead-enders to our collective bosom.

If Applied To Politics, This Slogan Represents The Kind Of Rigid, Partisan Thinking Which Has Made The Political Moderate An Endangered Species. But In Regard To Handedness, It’s Right On The Money.

Perhaps some of you reading this may choose to believe that we have to a degree exaggerated the danger posed by these genetic aberrations. Anyone who contends that lefties aren’t hurting anyone but themselves has obviously never seen them write, or spent frustrating minutes trying to determine why the guy you’ve just met gives you the mega-creeps, finally to discover it’s because he’s wearing his watch on his right hand like some kind of freak. Some, however, will still deliberately ignore the issue, espousing some lame-ass ‘live and let live’ policy. All the same, we have to wonder if these people will still be whistling ‘We Are Family’ on that awful day when they discover a pair of unusable left-handed scissors in their own child’s backpack.

As If Being A Lefty Weren’t Enough, He’s Got An Androgynous Name And Throws Like A Twelve-Year-Old Girl. For All This, Though, Jamie Moyer Is The Exception Which Proves The Rule.

¹Soul-forfeiture is a peril exclusive to the right-handed. Lefties have no souls to lose. ∞ T.

BONUS!

Southpaw Sally (or–Kids Can Tell The Difference Between Laughing With And Laughing At)

By Tardsie

After I graduated, I worked for a couple of years as a teacher in an after-school clinic. One of my students was a bright and cheerful nine-year-old named Sally Choi (not her real name). Tragically, Sally was born left-handed. Naturally, I took to calling the young lady ‘Southpaw Sally,’ which she took with surprising grace.

One day Sally asked me, “Why do they call left-handed people ‘Southpaws?’

I had to confess that I didn’t know, but told her I’d have the answer for her before we met next.

Even before I could say hello before our next session, Sally asked me if I’d found out. I told her that, according to what I’d been able to find, the term was coined in the late 19th Century, when ballparks were designed so that right-handed hitters faced east, meaning that a lefty’s pitching arm was his “south” arm.

“What did they call left-handed people before baseball?” Sally asked.

“Oh,” I said, “Before baseball people just called them freaks.”

True story.

Musical History: The New Edition

23 Friday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, Entertainment, Music

≈ 8 Comments

Tags

Bobby Brown, boy bands, douchebaggery, Michael Bivins, New Edition, R&B, Ralph Tresvant, Ricky Bell, Ronnie DeVoe

By Smaktakula

"Now I Am Become Death, The Destroyer Of Worlds..."

Although each was a talented vocalists in his own right, only one member of New Edition would go on to destroy one of the greatest voices in recording history.

Having Formed In 1978, This Edition Hasn't Been New Since JR Got Shot.

PT Apologizes To Those Groups We Have Yet To Malign

22 Thursday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

American Civil War, Amish, beekeepers, Blame Canada!, Canada, China, Christians, Ecuador, Greeks, historical reenactors, ignorance--it's what we do, Inuits, Jews, muslims, paraphilic infantilism, Ramtha, Ron Paul, Swedes, television, United States of America, your mom, Zimbabwe

By Smaktakula

If You Live Here, We Have Something To Say That You Won’t Like Very Much.

We’re proud of our track record. In a relatively short time, we’ve managed to say some pretty shitty things about a lot of people. From the Inuits in the north, to the Chinese in the east, the Zimbabweans in the south, the good old US of A in the West, and just about everybody else in between, Promethean Times can be downright promiscuous with its criticism. We’ve made fun of gay people, straight people and the sexually ambivalent; we’ve kicked Christians, Muslims, Jews and Ramtharians. We’ve even made fun of the Amish. Druggies, weirdos and the very stupid–we try to hit ’em all.

But invariably, no matter how diligently mean-spirited, no single institution can possibly hope to insult everyone, despite how much we might wish otherwise. Readers might wonder, for example, just what we find so special about the Swedish people that we have yet to take them to task? Others may ask themselves why we’ve mocked beekeepers but never have seen fit to put stamp collectors in the crosshairs. The same charge could be made about antique car enthusiasts, Greeks or daytime television.

Dear readers–for Promethean Times to maintain its credibility, is it necessary that we point out Swedes are shaved yeti who both consume and smell like rotten fish? Or that stamp collectors tend to produce from their ranks an inordinately high percentage of voyeurs? If pressed, we could tell you that antique car lovers have man-boobs, Greek men love to bugger children and daytime TV is grand theater for the very stupid.

As This Graph Illustrates, Four Out Of Five Greek Men Prefer Hairy, Well-Muscled Flesh To The Supple Springiness Of The Female Breast. In Fairness, Greek Women Sort Of Straddle That Line.

Rest assured that whatever your race, gender, political affiliation, sexual orientation or any of the myriad tiny differences through which humanity seeks to distinguish itself, eventually we will get around to letting you know just what’s wrong with your culture, the way you live your life, and most fundamentally, why you are a bad person. In our own way we’re as multicultural as they come.

But for our friends who may be wondering, “Just what the hell is wrong with me that Promethean Times hasn’t seen fit to let me know about it?”, we’ve got some love to share. The following (by no means complete) list includes a few worthies who have heretofore escaped mention in these pages.

Canadians~Friends, it’s not that we don’t ache to mock these maple-mad mofos; we’ve been wanting to give one to the Canucks since as long as we can remember, but they can be damned hard to get a glove on. Canadians are a lot like that guy you remember from school–the golden boy with perfect attendance, whose homework is always turned on time and never copied, who never fails to treat the teachers and administration with respect and who invariably blows the curve for the rest of you morons. Naturally, you wait for him after school with a sock full of quarters hidden behind your back. But just before you can whack him with your homemade sap, he tells you, “you have really nice hair,” disarming you completely. Canadians are treacherous like that.

That they’re smarter and funnier than us, we can take. We can also accept that they’re cleaner, more polite and have more friends. But what we cannot countenance, and the thing which if known to the American public would quickly lead to tanks swarming the 49th Parallel like flies on fruit, is that they have bigger penii.

You Didn’t Know Captain America Had A Junior Sidekick?

Civil War Buffs~What can we say about grown men who, just for the sheer fun of it, reenact America’s most enduring national tragedy and bloodiest conflict in the nation’s history? Moreover, these dudes slog out these epic battles time and again, despite the outcome not having been in doubt for over 150 years. The American Civil War is in many ways distinguished by the terrible toll it took on the population as a whole, particularly upon an entire generation of men. For this reason it seems more than a little dishonest to history and disrespectful to the memory of the lives torn asunder by this war that men should play-act this ghastly episode. Posterity–and Promethean Times–would no doubt look more favorably upon these men if they used live ammunition.

You Guys Are Losers! No, Seriously–You Lose. We Read Ahead A Little Bit.

Ecuador~Ecuador has fuck all going for it. And, as the world’s premier producers of Panama hats, they’re clearly quite comfortable pulling the rug out from under their Latin American brethren.

Ron Paul~We’re not exactly sure who that is. Was he one of the Beatles or something?

Paraphilic Infantilism~Look, we’re happy for anyone who’s getting laid, and furthermore believe that healthy fantasy can enliven a couple’s sex life. What happens behind bedroom doors is no one else’s business.

Having said that, is there any normal person who believes that a 250-lb dude with his thumb in his mouth and a diaper draped over his ass is in any way healthy or sexually appealing? Whenever possible, we prefer to use non-judgmental language, but seriously, why was the term “sexual deviant” even coined if not to be firmly affixed to these simpering space-wasters?

Mom And Dad Must Just Be So Proud Of You!

Your Mom~Talk about a gal of easy virtue! That chick is easier to turn on than a light switch.

Tell Us, You Minx! Tell Us What Naughtiness The Beaver’s Gotten Up To Now.

Helpful Hints For Everyday Life: Free Stuff

20 Tuesday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Stupidity

≈ 16 Comments

Tags

Charles Manson, childish sexual innuendo, China, free mustache rides, free stuff, Free Tibet!, helpful hints, herpes, Smaktakula's distrust of short people, the best things in life are free, Tibet

By Smaktakula

We Certainly Wouldn't Pay Good Money For A Diminutive, Messianic Madman, But We'd Be Fools To Pass Up This Deal.

Folks love to tell you that “the best things in life are free.” There has never been a time when these words were true, and never less so than today. Those who chose to repeat this old canard willfully ignore that even essential items cost money, and that about the only things which still remain free are your first month of service, unsolicited advice and herpes.

This Ad May Be In Error. Last We Heard, China Was Never Going To Give Up Tibet.

Is There ANYBODY Who Thinks This Is A Good Deal?

It Had Better Be Free. We've Never Paid For Pussy In Our Lives.

Stupid People Too: Even More Stupider

19 Monday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Crime, Culture, Entertainment, News, Stupidity

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

Cincinnati, douchebaggery, frottage, Georgia, Jamie Hughes, Les Nessman, lizard men, LSD, lycergic acid diethylamide. LSD not LDS which is something very different, Michelle Allen, morons, Newt Gingrich, Nicholas Modrich, Ohio, Oscar, Piggyback Bandit, places that suck, Queen City, race riots, Ramtha, Sherwin Shayegan, Short Bus, Snellville, stupid people, Why am I so stupid?

By Smaktakula

We Get It--Thinkin' Makes Your Head Hurt Somethin' Turrible.

It’s no secret that the delightful antics of the very stupid are one of the reasons we get up in the morning. Morons make the world go ’round, and at the very least give us something entertaining to watch until the terrible day when the great lizards burst forth from Mt. Rainier to seal the Earth’s doom.

In the meantime, we hope you’ll enjoy this troika of merry tales exploring the many facets of sub-moronic douchebaggery!

Night of the Hell Cow

This Is What Passes For Fun In Ohio.

Cincinnati, Ohio is a city which has suffered mightily over the years. Situated on the north bank of the Ohio River, the city was once a thriving industrial powerhouse, but today the Queen City is an echoing, haunted shadow of its former self, with the population having fallen nearly in half since 1960. Despite the legions of Cincinnatians fleeing the city like fleas from a rat’s cooling carcass, Cincy still manages to remain among the top 20 most dangerous cities in America. Remembered primarily for a really awful concert and for being the first US city to host race-riots in the 21st Century, and whose most famous citizen is the fictional newshound Les Nessman, Cincinnati’s remaining shell-shocked citizens have become accustomed to a host of degradations.

Inventive Cincinnatian Michelle Allen tried to do something a little different. Like so many of her fellow denizens of the Queen City, Allen aspired to further rend the delicate skein of civilization which binds the troubled city, and not only that, but to do it with panache.  Any liquored-up idiot, she reasoned, could twice encounter the police after urinating on a neighbor’s porch and then chasing frightened children into traffic. Determined not to be just ‘anybody,’ Allen performed this terrifying Margot Kidder impersonation while dressed as a hideous cow-woman.

Really, This Has Just As Much Merit As Almost Any Other Form Of Performance Art.

***

Rubbing Kids the Wrong Way

Who Wouldn't Want This Friendly Fellow All Up In His Or Her Personal Space?

The line between sports fandom and dangerous lunacy has always been precariously thin, nevermore so than in today’s fractured, tribal climate. Sherwin Shayegan, known to the public as the ‘Piggyback Bandit’, not only crosses that line, but stomps its face against the curb until it’s a bleeding, mewling mess begging for the numbing embrace of sweet, sweet death.

Despite the cute nickname, Shayegan is a creepo of the first order. Shayegan recently gained notoriety after he was banned from a number of high schools for a string of athletic-related indecencies. The Piggyback Bandit, it turns out, isn’t just an athletic supporter, but also a fan of both frottage and of the firm, sweaty backsides of high school athletes. During athletic events, Shayegan surprises both the audience and the athletes alike with a little something extra to take home with them, dashing from the crowd and leaping upon the players’ backs with all the joy and fervor of a leg-humping dog.

"itsalmostoveritsalmostoveritsalmostoveritsalmostover"

***

Deranged Dachshund’s Drug-Addled Death a Definite Downer

"Y'know,I've Found That If I Ingest Copious Quantities Of Psychedelics, Bands Like Phish And Dave Matthews Don't Sound So Much Like Ass Set To A Tune."

It’s not just humans who enjoy experimenting with dangerous, mind-altering substances. Everybody knows what happens when you give your cat catnip, and holding a dog down while you blow marijuana smoke in its face is a time-honored rite of young adulthood. In college, Smaktakula’s beloved pet rat was a bold psychonaut and an ongoing experiment in the thresholds of the chemical experience.¹ Critters like to party, too.

But just like people, some animals can’t handle their drugs. Just one of these such creatures was Oscar the long-haired dachshund. Oscar had apparently been pestering Nicholas Modrich and Jamie Hughes, the fry-loving burnouts with whom he shared an apartment, to share some of their hoard of hallucinogens, until the couple finally relented, dosing the pestering pooch. As an irritating little freakdog, it would be assumed that the tiny creature would be prepared for an eight-hour mind fuck and Technicolor light show.² Sadly, this appears not to be the case, and little Oscar completely lost his shit. Although the evening was highlighted by a madcap, semi-nude chase through the hallucinatory streets of Snellville, Georgia, the evening ended in tragedy when the frenzied dog encountered a moving vehicle that was most definitely not an hallucination.

Drugs Aren't As Much Of A Threat To Society As Are Some Of The Assholes Who Take Them.

¹ I miss you still, Short Bus. Old friend–this cold, wicked world was never made for one so beautiful as you. < S.
² This becomes all the more remarkable when it is remembered that dogs cannot see color. ∞ T.

St. Paddy’s Day!

17 Saturday Mar 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture

≈ 5 Comments

Tags

drunken Irishmen, inebriate, Pogues, St. Patrick's Day, true meanings of holidays, vomit

Promethean Times wishes you and your family a sober and dignified St. Patrick’s Day observance.

For One Day At Least, We Understand A Little Better What It Truly Means To Be Irish.

***

As my mother wept it was then I swore
to take my life as I would a whore
I know I’m better than before
I will not be reconstructed
Just wanna stay right here
on the sunny side of the street.
The Pogues

***

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WORD.

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Promethean History

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