Tags
Anna Nicole Smith, Belgium, Bill Clinton, blond guys with dreads look like idiots, blond is beautiful motherfuckers!, blond people are stupid, double standards, dreadlocks, Emmanuel Lewis, freedom of speech, Gary Coleman, handicapped people, hypocrisy, Jimmy Carter, Kool-Aid Man, nasty blond dreadlocks, opossums, Osama bin Laden, punch lines, self-promotion so shameless that it borders on hucksterism, Why are blondes so stupid?
By the Promethean Times Editorial Staff
For The Best And Most Reliable News From The Four Corners Of The Globe, You Know Where To Look.
In which we present a few of our favorite Promethean Times’ features. We hope you’ll enjoy as well. ∞ T.
Humor:
We Prefer Humor That Is Neither Hurtful Nor Degrading.
Our readers know that humor is near and dear to our hearts. In the following post, we provide the punch lines to our very favorite jokes. Straight lines not included.
The Big Issues:
Blondes: As Stupid As They Are Slutty.
In which we tackle the pressing social issues of freedom of speech and question the true nature of female beauty. We also discuss why blond people shouldn’t wear their hair in dreadlocks, and why their women are so dumb and slutty.
- Alexandra Wallace: Ching-Chong Champion Of Tolerance
- A Contemporary Helen of Troy
- Something Must Be Done About Blond Guys With Dreadlocks
- Platinum-Headed Hos
Nature:
This Is Nothing A Car Exhaust And A Length Of Hose Won't Cure.
We care deeply about the environment and the creatures who live within it.
Culture:
Has Anyone Ever Stopped To Ask If Maybe They Had It Coming?
We spend a good deal of time talking about various places around the globe. We think you’ll enjoy our report on those iniquitous Belgians.
People in Power:
Jimmy, Why Do You Hang Out With Him If He's Just Gonna Treat You Like That?
Like the rest of the world, we’re fascinated by powerful people. In these gems, we explore the friendship between two former presidents, and examine the future King of England’s quest for true love.
Small Black Actors:
Small, Black & Formerly Famous. But The Similarities End There.
Tales of two diminutive former child stars: one a cursed, loveless misanthrope, the other a happy little man-whore.
The Evil Ones:
Ding, Dong The Dick Is Dead!
In which we take a hard look at the enemies of freedom.
Fictional Characters:
His Blood Was An Unsweetened Raspberry-Watermelon. Even The Dogs Wouldn't Lap It Up.
It’s not just real people who get the Promethean Times treatment. Here we explore the tragic effect of violence upon the worlds of soft-drink advertising and children’s educational programming.
- Commercial Icon Institutionalized After Bloody Rampage
- Vicious Mauling Leaves Sesame Street Cast Member In Critical Condition
