Tags
camel, camel toe, childish sexual innuendo, Moose, Moose Knuckle, opossums, read my lips, true facts, unlovable creatures
By Smaktakula
The Reality Is More Unpleasant.
For years, it has popularly been believed that camel toe, the unsightly, mystery-killing condition which arises when a lady’s pants are too tight, is spread through contact with dromedaries and other large mammals. That a synonym for this unfortunate condition is “moose knuckle,” should further illustrate this misconception.
Not Guilty!
In reality, the source of this affliction is much more prosaic–opossums. It is bad enough that these filthy, stupid and cowardly little creatures invade our yards and sometimes our homes as well, but to do this while at the same time robbing our womenfolk of their dignity is far beyond the pale. Anyone who has a mother, a sister, a daughter or a wife–we urge you to show your love for that special gal in your life by grabbing the nearest brick and smashing the life out of a few of these skulking night-rats.
Even In The Off-Chance We’re Wrong, Kill A Few Anyway. The World Will Thank You.
In Canada, They Call It The ‘Caribou Cleft.’
You’re Going To Have To Use Your Imagination Here.
More Of A “Moose Knuckle,” Really.
Promethean Times 
And just when I was about to go have some lunch…
Your second image didn’t come through for me, and maybe that’s just as well. But I would be a pompous liar if I said I didn’t find camel toe humor funny. How can one not? To all of you men with pants hiked a little too high and all of you women with pants a little too snug, please pay better attention to your crotches.
Now, what’s next on PT? Shorts that creep up on inner obese thighs? That’s always pretty, too.
I liked the tight pants for men fashion trend of the late ’70’s early ’80’s. I don’t mind getting a sneaky peek at the sausage one bit. However, stuffing one’s pants with socks or other cylindrical items sort of spoils the realism. I know your trouser snake doesn’t go down to your knee. Nice try.
But the “camel toe” look on women is just plain gross. It’s one thing to wear tight pants (which multiple abdominal surgeries and a strong sense of decency do not allow me to do) but quite another to hike them up so far that it looks like you’re flossing your crack.
Oh, and another thing about proper crack (not the drug, the flesh crack) etiquette- if you happen to have a sizeable camel toe, please spare us all from the waddling Tuna Boat Special and wash that thing out a few times a day, would ya? 🙂
Ha ha! That last paragraph was like nausea-inducing roadkill–I knew I should look away but just couldn’t. 🙂
Dude,
You’re Le Clown’s type. If I would’ve met you before my wife, we would have dated.
Le Clown
Your loss–I’m easy, dude!
Camel-toe–a thing I fear dreadfully. The chafing that could ensue! CHRIST! Your picturesque descriptions both fascinate and nauseate. I feel like I have an inexplicable wedgie, now…
We’re just glad we could touch people so. Thanks, Jennifer!
I really hate camel toe, and even worse, I hate “camel ball” (a man’s pants being too tight and his balls falling to either side of the seam.) Luckily, there are companies that are trying to remedy this affliction:
http://www.cuchini.com/
http://www.smoothgroovedesigns.com/
Because, you know, buying pants that fit is too hard.
You don’t have to tell me, Jen–I’m a waddling grotesquery!