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Tag Archives: true facts

True Facts: Twins

28 Tuesday Aug 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Science

≈ 29 Comments

Tags

gingers, normals, outright lies, true facts, Twins, vengeance of an angry God

By Smaktakula

If This Happens To You, You Probably Deserve It.

Some common misapprehensions about identical twins:

1) In most societies, the belief persists that identical twins are a blessing. In fact, they are evidence of God’s displeasure.

2) There is no “evil twin” per se. However, because identical twins share but one soul between them, they have a higher propensity for wickedness than do “normals.”

3) The pinkie-finger of a twin, ground up and made into a tea, wards off the effects of leprosy.

Which Twin Is The Evil One? We’re Looking At The Ginger.

True Facts: Sea Salt

18 Monday Jun 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Science, Stupidity

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

don't hate us because we're ignorant, outright lies, sea salt, seriously--hippies are odious, sweet sweet fish ass, true facts

By Smaktakula

Not many people know that the unique taste and healthful properties of sea salt come entirely from a surprisingly delicious infusion of fish ass.

This Little Guy’s Making Some Sea Salt Right Now.

Put that on your roasted hemp seeds, hippies! ∞ T.

True Facts: Camel Toe Not Caused By Camels

25 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Science

≈ 9 Comments

Tags

camel, camel toe, childish sexual innuendo, Moose, Moose Knuckle, opossums, read my lips, true facts, unlovable creatures

By Smaktakula

The Reality Is More Unpleasant.

For years, it has popularly been believed that camel toe, the unsightly, mystery-killing condition which arises when a lady’s pants are too tight, is spread through contact with dromedaries and other large mammals. That a synonym for this unfortunate condition is “moose knuckle,” should further illustrate this misconception.

Not Guilty!

In reality, the source of this affliction is much more prosaic–opossums.  It is bad enough that these filthy, stupid and cowardly little creatures invade our yards and sometimes our homes as well, but to do this while at the same time robbing our womenfolk of their dignity is far beyond the pale. Anyone who has a mother, a sister, a daughter or a wife–we urge you to show your love for that special gal in your life by grabbing the nearest brick and smashing the life out of a few of these skulking night-rats.

Even In The Off-Chance We’re Wrong, Kill A Few Anyway. The World Will Thank You.

In Canada, They Call It The ‘Caribou Cleft.’

You’re Going To Have To Use Your Imagination Here.

More Of A “Moose Knuckle,” Really.

True Facts: Audiobooks

18 Wednesday Apr 2012

Posted by Smaktakula in Culture, Entertainment

≈ 13 Comments

Tags

audiobooks, dangerous people, dope, grass, hemp, literature, outright lies, pot, reefer, Smaktakula's hypocrisy can sometimes be astounding, sweet sweet cheeba, true facts, weed, Why am I unable to read?

By Smaktakula

Few Works Of Literature Have Had Such A Profound Effect Upon Our Development. We're Not Kidding About This One.

Rapid advances in technology and the world’s ever-burgeoning “Stupid Factor” are both contributing to the incipient extinction of the book in its traditional form. That portion of the public which still wastes its time reading now has a broad spectrum of media from which to choose, including traditional books, e-books and, frighteningly, audiobooks.

Okay, This Doesn't Even Make Sense. To Start With, Books Don't Have Ears.

Reading is a personal, and often private activity. Yet increasingly, the public is abrogating its own reading responsibility, leaving the heavy lifting to an anonymous reader. Most people would feel uncomfortable letting a complete stranger blow their nose or unzip their fly, but have not even a second thought about inviting some stranger into their most personal space–their heads.

'Book Of Losers?' We Imagine That Included Among Its Pages Are People Who Actually Read Books.

Given the recent increase in the popularity of audiobooks, it is somewhat surprising that there is so little concern among the public regarding who–or what–is whispering in its collective ear. It’s no great stretch of the imagination to suppose that the mellifluous voice coming through your headphones belongs to a pot-addled, potty-mouthed degenerate with at least one arrest for arson. It could be someone even worse.

Is This The Kind Of Dangerous Creepo You Want Reading To Your Kids?

Lastly, there’s the well-documented fact that listening to audiobooks causes bladder cancer.

Audiobooks: For Degenerates, By Degenerates.

Here’s some other 100% true stuff:

  • Trees!
  • ThunderCats!
  • Sarah Palin!
  • Danish People!
  • Sea Salt!
Seriously, would we lie to you? ∞ T.

True Facts: Trees

22 Thursday Sep 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in History, Stupidity

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

Africa, Asia, Christopher Columbus, Europe, flora, India, New World, North America, outright lies, Rock & Roll, South America, trees, true facts, vegetation, Were you still using that?

By Smaktakula

Much like Rock & Roll or the armadillo, all terrestrial plant life originated in the Americas.  Prior to Columbus’ journey to the New World in 1492, the known world–Asia, Africa and Europe–was a vast, lifeless desert dotted here and there with huts made from goat-dung.  Although much of the world has now been overrun by invasive vegetation, dusty outposts like Algeria still cling to an older way of life, barren and unforgiving, just as God intended it.

The Great Explorer Was Astounded To Find That The Denizens Of India Require Not Oxygen, But Rather Carbon Dioxide For Respiration.

True Facts:ThunderCats

13 Tuesday Sep 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture

≈ Leave a comment

Tags

cartoons, cocaine, drugs, Lion-O, Mumm-Ra, Orko, Snarf, television characters, ThunderCats, true facts

By Smaktakula

"Lion-OYouJustDon'tGetItMan!Mumm-Ra'sWatchingUsRightNowMan.AlwaysWatching! HeyWho'sGonnaGiveSnarfALittleBump?"

The ThunderCats‘ grating mascot, Snarf, had a coke habit like you wouldn’t believe–hence the nickname.  He was replaced on final season of the show’s original run by Orko.

"I Just May Be The Lamest Character Ever!"

True Facts: The Palin Connection

09 Friday Sep 2011

Posted by Smaktakula in Celebrity, Culture, Politics, Stupidity

≈ 2 Comments

Tags

Alaska, Michael Palin, Monty Python, outright lies, Russia, Sarah Palin, Tea Party, true facts, Wasilla

By Smaktakula

Although It Afforded A Great View Of Russia, Palin Left Wasilla To Seek His Fortune In Dreary Old England.

As famous as she is, most people aren’t aware that Tea Party centerfold Sarah Palin gets her wonderful sense of humor from her dad, Monty Python genius Michael Palin.

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