By Smaktakula
You didn’t get what you wanted for Christmas and it sucks so bad it feels like a kick in the face. Your friends all got iPads–which they’re not even gonna use!–and all you got was two reams of college-rule notebook paper from your grandma.¹ We feel you, Bro.
If we might offer a tiny balm for your first world boo-boo, concentrate instead on the relatively lavish life you live in comparison to the rest of the world (and remember, not everybody lives in Sweden, Singapore or Andorra). Don’t let yourself be bummed by the idea that you’re one paycheck from being homeless. In reality, you’re one paycheck away from ruining your parents’ plan to turn your old room into a leather-dungeon, and believe us, their degeneracy can wait a year or two until you meet a nice girl who makes you go out and find…
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Promethean Times 
I just read an article about rich people paying handicapped people to go to Disney World with them so they wouldn’t have to wait in lines. Talk about first world problems.
At least I can use notebook paper. What the fuck am I to do with a whimsical ceramic frog dressed for a big night on the town?
Since I’m esentially a member of the working poor, Smak, gadgets don’t rate as much with me as my posse. Fortunately for me, they have plenty of gadgets should I ever need them.