Tags
Belgium, bloodsports, Brussels, canicide, death by drowning, howlocaust, ignorance--it's what we do, Inuits, puppy-killing, Senegal, sexual fetishism, South Korea, taking a stand
By Smaktakula
Is It Right That These Beautiful Creatures Should Be Slaughtered Only For Their Surprisingly Delicious Ear Meat?
Typically, we choose not to take a firm stance on controversial issues, preferring to pepper our words with outrageous half-truths and innuendo, to a large degree obfuscating our actual intent, granting us an exculpatory escape hatch of credible–or at least defensible–deniability should our stance prove unpopular. Promethean Times has been well-served by such non-action since publishing our first newsstand issue in 1927. However, in dark times such as these, when human conscience buckles under the weight of an unbearable evil and the soul cries out for justice, a venerated policy must be weighed against a stark new reality. For this reason, Promethean Times must take a stand–alone if necessary– against the metastasizing global cancer, puppy-killing.
Pupcicles: Drowning Speared Puppies Is A Favorite Inuit Pastime.
Promethean Times emphatically deplores the slaughter of puppies for sport. In many countries, puppy-killing is a tradition dating back hundreds or even thousands of years. Guatemala’s Fiesta de los Muertos Cachorro has long been a target for animal-rights activists, and roundly condemned by the general public for its bloodthirsty ferocity. Likewise, Belgians–renowned for their fanatical hatred of all living things–host the annual Night of Long Whimpering, which attracts puppyphobes from around the globe. In Senegal, where puppies’ claws are thought to cure river blindness, fly-blown puppy carcasses litter the roads where they have been cast, pawless, by poachers. The horrors faced by puppies in South Korea are so well-documented as to require no further description here.
Spending 22 Hours A Day In A Cardboard Box Is Bad, But Far Better Than What Awaits Them At The Brussels Sausage Factory.
Of course, these are only the most egregious examples of this sadistic bloodsport; a thousand smaller evils occur every day in our own towns and cities. Heretofore, puppy-killing has been a taboo subject, and like race or sexual fetishism, not discussed in polite company. However convenient it has been to avoid words like ‘canicide’ and thereby ignore the crisis at the world’s doorstep, the time has come to recognize the wholesale slaughter of innocent puppies for what it is: a burgeoning howlocaust.
What? We Were Talking About Puppies. Put Those Mewling Doorstops At The Bottom Of The Monongahela For All We Care.
Promethean Times 
I’m thrilled about this post. Sometimes, the only way to get someone’s attention is to put them in a headlock and deliver one punch for every syllable you say, in regard to the disdain, disregard, disrespect of human and other living, breathing creatures of this earth. I fucking hate them. Better yet, send them over to stand in the street while the bulls are running…. Bastards. No punishment is sufficient for this kind of inhumanity.
When will the world wake up?
YES. I’ve rallied against puppy killing for a long time now. But you’d be surprised how many people deny that such a thing is taking place. Puppy killing deniers, and people who are just indifferent. All that’s necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. So I’m very proud of you for taking this courageous stand, Smak. So proud.
Except for that crack about the kittens in the basket going into the Monongahela. Why are you advocating littering our waterways like that???
Thank you. Sometimes, even if it isn’t the ‘popular’ thing to do, a man has to take a stand for what’s right.
Except for that crack about the kittens in the basket going into the Monongahela.
You’d think, but scientists who study the Monongahela watershed contend that an increase in animal carcasses will actually make the river slightly less toxic.
Just another guy up on his high horse trying to say he’s better than all of us.
Well, obviously you and your commenters are just another poor set of saps whos lives have never been bettered by the culinary miracle that is Ear Meat Polonaise.
Can’t do that with tofu.
And I bet you’re a hippie too. Hmph.
That hippie thing was a low blow, man. Look, I may wear Birkenstocks and smoke a lot of pot, and maybe I don’t have a “real job,” but… You know what, man? Shut up! That’s what!
And I am sickened by the idea of eating a dog. How many millions–or even billions–of hot dogs are sold in America every year? That’s just gross. I mean, you only have to look at the thing to know what part of the dog they get it from!
I gotta say, your your version of hot dogs actually sound more appetizing than what they rally are.
Hey, I dig the hemp shirt, man.
What about humans? Can I kill humans?
If they kill puppies, most certainly.
Good thing I made it to adulthood!
Your ears are far too cute to eat. You might have been saved by being the model for a box of “Dave’s Dried Doggy Ears” (Now with 20% more cartilage!).
Puppies don’t smell too great and they sure do shit a lot indoors, but is that any reason to break out the brick necklaces? The world is a wrong, angry place when stinky, shitty-assed fur balls can’t catch a break…
Brick necklaces! You’re awesome.
Oops. It appears I missed this post yesterday. Which is probably okay, as I have nothing to say…
Your words echo the official statement of the German town of Dachau. “Hey, we weren’t aware it was going on. We weren’t part of this!”