Tags
Al Gore, Amy Winehouse, boy bands, Davy Jones, Eddie Murphy, Grace Jones, Howard Jones, Jackass, JK Rowling, Led Zeppelin, Monkees, Muammar al-Gaddafi, Rick Santorum, Ryan Dunn, Sarah Palin, untalented stars, Whitney Houston
By Smaktakula
Smaktakula Is Not A Believer.
One has only to see the unlikely outpouring of affection bestowed upon murderous Jackass jackass Ryan Dunn to see that death is characterized not only by a ghastly odor of putrefaction, but also by a sheen of undeserved talent and a patina of ersatz societal worth. Because every famous corpse is now a rotting Mozart or a gas-bloated Shakespeare, it can be difficult to judge the true talents of debatable entertainment figures like Whitney Houston, Amy Winehouse or Muammar al-Gaddafi. When former-Monkee Davy Jones died a few weeks ago, you were probably a little surprised to discover that he was an unrecognized genius, and likely more than a little chagrined that you hadn’t realized it on your own when the Woodstock-era boy-bander was still alive. But don’t feel so bad; if Davy were still living, he’d still be a casino-performing novelty act, and no more a ‘genius’ than fellow Jonses Grace or Howard.
Actually, We're More Than A Little Frightened Of You.
Here are a few figures who, in death, may reach the artistic and intellectual heights they were denied in life:
Eddie MurphyKids--You Might Not Know That Eddie Murphy Wasn't Always The Donkey From 'Shrek." Playing An Ass Was Just Sort Of A Natural Step.
Al GoreAt This Point, We're Hoping That Maybe A Couple Polar Bears Really Will Drown. C'Mon, Folks--Al Needs This Bad.
JK RowlingWe Should Just Be Happy That She's Writing Books People Want To Read. And SHE Should Be Happy That We Didn't Put Any Of Those Words In Ironic Quotes.
Led ZeppelinIf You Steal Money From Elderly Widows, You're A Lousy Thief. If You Steal Music From Old Blues Men, You're One Of The Greatest Rock & Roll Groups Of All Time.
Sarah PalinIt's Like If Rick Santorum Had A Vagina.
Promethean Times 
It’s Like If Rick Santorum Had A Vagina
Hahahhahahahahahahha
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Okay. I might be being a bit generous on this one but HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Too generous? If anything, my friend, you are stingy with your praise.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Yes, no one wants to point fingers at the dead. Speaking of fingers, I think Sarah wants you to smell hers.
And now I’ve sunk to an all time low…
Ha! We have that effect on people.
I thought you were being a bit hard on Led Zeppelin and Rowling as these people do actually have some talent. However…DEAD accurate (and hilarious!) concerning Gore and Palin. And yes, she either wants you to smell her finger, or pull it. Either way, I’d be leery.
..it’s like if Rick Santorum had a vagina! Shit, that’s funny!
Thanks, Alex. In regard to JK Rowling–maybe. But as far as Led Zep goes, Alex, we say: You need coolin’, baby, we’re not foolin’. We’re gonna send you back to schoolin’!
Ouch….point made…
I’m a fan of Rowling’s writing, which is not brilliant but it’s enjoyable. But I say props to Smaktakula for not taking the easy route of mocking, say, whoever writes that Twilight crap. I mean, who could disagree with that?
. . . possibly whoever writes that Twilight crap herself, I suppose, but maybe not even her.
I only read the first of the Potter books, and I liked it well enough. My point was that she does have talent….
As for the Twilight crap, I haven’t read any of it…nor do I wish to. 🙂
I don’t argue that she’s not talented, but that she doesn’t deserve to outsell the likes of Rushdie and Faulkner (and I should let you know right now that I’m talking, as I so often do, out of my ass, as I’ve never read one of her books).
You note that you read one of her books and “liked it well enough.” Liked it well enough for what? Not to read another HP book, certainly, or you would have said “I read the first TWO and I liked THEM well enough!”
“Sarah Palin – It’s Like If Rick Santorum Had A Vagina.”
This was hands down the funniest thing I’ve read all day.
The Clown
Thanks, Clown!
Just think if those two got together, had a torrid affair and made an army of traditional Christian family values warriors.
Since you’ve brought this disturbing (yet surprisingly hot) image into my mind, I’ve explored it a little. And I tell you, I can’t picture those two having boring old missionary sex. I think Santorum and Palin would get up to some CRAZY shit together.
Complete with ball gags and camouflage dildos
Totally–Santorum v. Moose Club (I’m a member!)!
I would like the Kardashians and cast of Jersey Shore to get greater recognition in death.
As soon as possible.
I was laughing like crazy until y’all put the Santorum/Palin porno flick visual into my head. Why don’t we throw Mitt in with them for a threesome? GAWWWWWD!!!!!
Ugh. I was pleasantly surprised to have lasted this long without throwing up, but with Mitt Romney added to the picture, I’m definitely feeling a bit queasy.
Sorry, dude…my mind is a little twisted…
You’ve come to the right place.
ahhhhh…acceptance!
The Ronald Reagan/Bob’s Big Boy hair makes it sexier.
Now all he needs are some short britches and suspenders…