Tags
bad parents, Batman, Ben Affleck, censorship, critical thought, cryptids, El Chupacabra, Fox news, Franz Ferdinand, Mexican goat-sucker, MSNBC, short people, shortness as proof of God's wrath, these things we believe, unremitting virginity
By Tardsie
We Don’t Believe In The Chupacabra, Mexico’s Infamous Goat-Sucking Cryptid, But We Kinda Wish We Did. It’s Hella Cool.
***
If you find yourself in agreement with your political party more than 90% of the time, we believe that your unwillingness to engage in critical thought should preclude you from talking about politics except with similarly myopic partisans. If we need your opinion, we’ll get it from Fox News or MSNBC.
There’s A Real Good Chance That At Least One Of These Guys Will Tell You Exactly What You Want To Hear.
***
We don’t think a dude should marry a gal just because he gets her pregnant. However, we believe that decorum dictates he subsequently refrain from knocking anyone else up or marrying them for a period of not less than twelve months.
‘Cause It Starts To Get Expensive Pretty Quickly.
***
If your stars are aligned so perfectly that your biggest complaint is the casting of Ben Affleck as Batman, then we believe yours is truly a charmed existence.
Are You Sure You’re Angry Because He’s Playing Batman? Or Is It Because Ben Has Known The Joy Of A Woman’s Touch, While You Are Mired In Your Ongoing But Unsuccessful Thirty-Five Year Battle With Virginity? Just Checking.
***
My 5-year-old boys like the song Evil Eye by Franz Ferdinand. The other day we were watching a televised performance of the song when one of my boys asked me why the sound went out briefly. I explained that there was an adult word in the song, “shit,” and that the boys shouldn’t use it. They had listened to the song dozens of times, but hadn’t heard the word until it was bleeped. The purity police didn’t bleep the word “bastard,” so my kids still don’t know THAT’s in there.
We believe that censors too often bring attention to that which they seek to hide.
***
We believe that short people should be treated with kindness. After what God did to them, it’s really the least you can do.
Buck Up, Runty! The World Will Always Need Jockeys.
Promethean Times 
We have to believe in something.
Cheers !
Being short, I especially enjoy your empathy here.
You’re very welcome! We love everyone here, including the terminally runty!
Excellent advice to the weary. I found myself agreeing with you 90% of the time. Oops.
Thanks, Bumba! And such is the profound nature of my hypocrisy that I conveniently forget about the “critical thought” thing when people are in agreement with me.
Agree
After seeing what CNN has decided to label as news over the last few months, I’ve been appalled. At least with Faux and msnbc (don’t have a mocking name for them yet…) I know what I’m going to get.
I don;t know what the hell CNN is trying to project, but it doesn’t really seem like News lately.
I heard their coverage of the Boston Bombings was particularly bad.
Most news is so partisan. I’ll watch it sometimes and think, “I agree with your viewpoint, but you’re not telling the whole story.” That bothers me, because I don’t want people to arrive at the right conclusion (or what I consider the right conclusion) for the wrong reasons.
And I believe your 5-year-old boys have excellent taste in music. Franz Ferdinand trumps Erasure any day. Sorry, but it had to be said.
Whatever. They like all kinds of music, and have inherited my penchant for androgynous Euro-pop.
Pretty smart thoughts about the censors! (the pic of the kid at the urinal…too freaking funny!!)
Ha ha. The bleeping yes, definitely. I watch a show with my kids where they bleep out a lot of words (like for fun, it’s part of the show) and they love to repeat them after that, figure them out! You probably think I’m a bad mommy now.
Hardly. I don’t think a child’s salty vocabulary will ruin him by any means.
I dare you to come to San Antonio and say the Chupacabra isn’t real…..
And, I’m SO not a Batman fan, but that guy, whoever he is, can not play Batman. He looks like he should be on a sitcom.
Thanks, Alex. Also, you’re exempted from point #1, as I believe you consult for one of the parties. I feel differently about agreeing with your party 90% of the time if you’re paid to do it.
Does anyone remember David Soul as Rick? After Adam West there is no other Batman.
I don’t ‘remember’ Hutch as Rick, but I know if its infamy. And I’m not sure Adam West was able to capture in full the festering madness of a man who gets off on dressing up in tights and beating people up, all while assisted by his pre-teen assistant who’s conveniently dressed like a catamite.
And this from someone who actually LIKES Batman!
“And I’m not sure Adam West was able to capture in full the festering madness of a man who gets off on dressing up in tights and beating people up, all while assisted by his pre-teen assistant who’s conveniently dressed like a catamite.”
Excellent!
The question is, who could? Olivier?
Do you think that The Chupacabra is a goat sucker because he/she/it is lactose intolerant?
Well, you sure as hell don’t want to drink the water!
The one time I thought I did see a chupacabra, I was disappointed because it turned out it was only a chalupa that someone had dropped.
Hmm, with a nod to “The Big Bang Theory,” will Ben Affleck wish he could erase the memory of him as Batman?
Huh. Y’know, I’ve been Mexican-American all my life, and I never heard of Chupacabra until that X-Files episode. La Llorona, on the other hand — now, that lunatic shade scares the bejeebus outta me.
Smak, my friend. First of all, I’m short. 5’4″ for a woman, so I guess that’s short. Kind of a petite sort of woman. What I so love about you is you explore all there is. I don’t have children but all of my sisters do and that “BLEEP” they do is just giggles to the older ones that already know what the BLEEP is. I find it hysterical that we bleep out certain words and not others. For Gawd’s sake’s Breaking Bad was on AMC and we are worried about what children watch. Children watch what their parents allow them to watch. So good on you that you explain to your kids what a “bastard” is and how it may not be so bad and why are they bleeping that out?
Peace my brother.