Miley Cyrus told the gals on The View that after her new record drops in June, fans shouldn’t expect to hear any more new music from the megastar any time soon. Cyrus revealed her belief that she belongs on the big screen, clearly overestimating the voting-age public’s demand for her less-than-considerable abilities.
There is a future for Ms. Cyrus in front of the camera, it just may not be what she’s envisioned. She may not be ready for the Big Show, but might find a home in a niche industry, what might be labelled independent films in some circles. In short, Cyrus harbors pie-eyed dreams about DVD grosses when she should be thinking about the hard realities of DVDA.
Despite her deplorable dearth of talent, Cyrus has a better-than-average shot at consistent roles in clothing-optional films: the kind in which a visit from the pizza boy always leads to something exciting; where the words “water sports” are more than a little misleading.
Miley Cyrus: Much More Likely To Someday Take Home Ron Jeremy Than An Oscar
Ms. Cyrus may be reluctant to arrive at this conclusion. It’s very possible she feels that she has the requisite stuff to make the precarious transition from child stardom to adult roles, following in the footsteps such luminaries as Jodie Foster, Leonardo DiCaprio and Spongebob Squarepants. Tragically, Ms. Cyrus lacks the fundamental traits which individually allowed Foster, DiCaprio and Squarepants to make the leap (respectively, these three traits are talent, talent and being an imaginary character who doesn’t age).
Promethean Times wishes Ms. Cyrus the very best of luck in her future career, and eagerly anticipate seeing her full body of work in the no-doubt-forthcoming hotel spank film, Hannah Implanta: Red Carpet Burns.