affront to all that is decent, childish sexual innuendo, degenerates, douchebaggery, Emil Haagerdäddi, Garry Ryan, Genetic Sexual Attraction, GSA, incest, Nimrod, Oklahoma, Oklahoma is horse country, Penny Lawrence, things which should not be
The world was aghast to learn that contemptible degenerate Garry Ryan had impregnated his equally loathsome daughter, Penny Lawrence. Ryan had first proved his douchebag bona fides at the tender age of eighteen when he impregnated and subsequently abandoned Lawrence’s mother, who has since passed away.
The couple met for the first time after Lawrence tracked Ryan down. Her mother and grandparents having all died by the time she was eighteen, Lawrence felt there was an aching void within her, an emptiness which could only be satisfied by one man–her father. The morally-ambivalent trollop flew to Houston to be with Ryan, and the pair soon embarked upon a sexual relationship.
The loving couple was initially greeted by an outpouring of condemnation, but this rush to judgement was soon tempered by new information. Although Ryan and Lawrence appeared at first to be degenerate beasts engaging in an abominable act long thought to be an affront to both God Almighty and human sensibilities, it now appears the star-crossed pair may be victims of an insidious disorder: Genetic Sexual Attraction.
Proponents of the GSA theory say that the disorder can compel blood relatives into an incestuous attraction when they meet for the first time as adults. This attraction, they explain, is due in large part to the natural affinity humans feel for other people with similar facial features.
Says GSA theorist Dr. Emil Haagerdäddi, “GSA is finally gaining acceptance among the scientific fringe. With more attention being focused on this pernicious disorder, it increases the visibility of other poorly-understood disorders, such as Horse-Fucker Syndrome. You know, approximately 23% of Oklahoma’s population suffers from HFS.”
However, GSA skeptics–and there are a few–aren’t so sure. So far, these critics have failed to mount a solid case against GSA, largely confining their arguments to the fact that GSA is recognized by no medical, psychological or legal authority, and moreover that incest has been an unshakable and nearly universal taboo throughout humanity’s long and varied history.
Despite the known tendency of such unions to produce submoronic banjo prodigies, the Thing Which Should Not Be in Lawrence’s uterus is not believed to be hideously deformed. Eventually, the couple says they would like to have a second child.
“Guess why!” Ryan demands. Quick on his heels, Lawrence adds, “Go on, guess!”