If you’re the kind of dude who photographs and then texts pictures of his genitals, we have a hint for you. Given the likelihood that your boudoir photos will someday resurface to potentially ruin your life, why not take precautions now to mitigate that eventual crash?
We recommend making it a habit to carry your cell phone in your crotch. When people inevitably ask you why you do it, say, “I know it sounds crazy, but a cell phone, like the human body, functions best at 98.6 degrees.” Those to whom you pass on this fib will either swallow it whole or else believe you to be a drooling moron. Either way they’ll likely leave you alone about it. And by carrying your phone in your crotch–and more importantly being known as the kind of jackass who carries his phone in his crotch–you’ll provide your eventual excuse–‘Golly, I don’t know how that happened!‘–with just a smidgen of believability.