Tags
cannabis, community college vs real college, dope, grass, hemp, hippies, Just Say No!, keep marijuana illegal, marijuana, marijuana legalization, Oaksterdam, Pat Robertson, Pat Robertson is batshit crazy, pot, reefer, seriously--hippies are odious, that trick never works, the sweet sweet cheeba, weed
By Smaktakula
Oh, Sure--He's A Cock-Knocker. But Let's Hear What He Has To Say.
Only a few days ago, it would have been hard to blame filthy hippies for getting all giddy over the possible legalization of marijuana. Cannabis, the decriminalization of which had seemed until recently to be largely inevitable, may not be as close to reality as previously feared. Despite valiant efforts by anti-drug activists over the past decades, such as Nancy Reagan’s “Just Say No” Campaign or the hunger-inducing ‘This Is Your Brain On Drugs,” the public’s tolerance for this deadly plant seemed only to be growing. Then Pat Robertson weighed in.
Not Fucking Likely, You Filthy Cheeba-Monkeys!
Readers of Promethean Times are already familiar with the myriad threats to society posed by marijuana legalization. The pitfalls of hemp-addiction have been widely documented–some users become hooked to the reefer after simply walking into a room where someone has smoked marijuana within the past six hours.¹ Additionally, anyone who lives in an urban center or near a high school has seen the ugly effects of “Weed Rage”–the drug is known to give users the strength of ten men, and induces such fury that subduing a raging stoner requires an army of club-wielding cops and about four gallons of pepper spray. Crafty hemp-heads are reportedly contracting cancer intentionally as a ploy to get their grimy, emaciated hands on some sweet, sweet cheeba. And of course, incidents of weed-dissipated parents devouring their own children are so common as to be almost prosaic.
Hippies. A Lot Like Cockroaches, But Lacking The Charm.
Despite these very real and well-publicized dangers, it has taken until now for someone to summon the courage to affect real change. By announcing his support of marijuana legalization, Pat Robertson has done just that. Overnight, people who once thought marijuana a harmless pleasure are being forced to take a second look at this invasive weed, hopefully to see it for what it is–a nation-destroying blight. Banking on his reputation as a head-up-the-ass moron who has previously offered up godlessness as a cause for national disasters and who advocates political assassination as a form of diplomacy, Robertson is gambling that his advocacy of marijuana legalization will turn the public against it. On behalf of society as a whole, but most especially the children, Promethean Times thanks Pat Robertson for his brave stance in helping America say nope to dope and ugh to drugs.
Parents: Oaksterdam University Is NOT A Fully Accredited Institution Of Higher Learning! It's More Like A Community College.²
Rats. Just when I thought I’d never have to think a nice thought about Robertson…
Don’t worry, handsome one–I predict not a week’s time will pass before Robertson goes and does something that will remind you what an asshole he is. I’ve got it!–Perhaps some country will be destroyed in a natural calamity (I’m thinking Liechtenstein or Andorra–countries people are unlikely to miss), which Pat can attribute to the righteous hand of an angry God as punishment for their…well, whatever it is those people do. You know what I’m talking about!
I am offended. I am well-educated enough to teach at a community college.
Fully-accredited.
If you’re educated enough to teach there, you weren’t educated there.
You had me at “Cock-Knocker”. Can’t wait to share that with my teenage son. Oh, wait, what kind of mother am I?!
Cannot say in words how much I love your blog. So instead, I’ll just thump my flipper three times. Thump. Thump. Thump. There. You’re welcome. 🙂
Aw, you sound just like my mom. And thanks tho much for the thumps!
It’s a speech impediment. Don’t make fun.
I’d never dream of poking fun. Not to your face, anyway.
Strange ploy there Robertson. He’s such a turd.
In other news, it’s Friday night and I’m about to “get strong”.
Word. I can picture you accompanied by the Rocky theme song.
Smaktakula strong like bull. Fly like eagle. Wallow like pig.
What exactly is a ‘cock-knocker’?
I only ask knowing Promethean Times, now being my only news source, will provide me with informative links which fully answer my question.
Urban dictionary provides three definitions for cock-knocker, all of them bad. The second and third are ridiculous and should be disregarded, but the first at least captures something of the sentiment.
Here’s what I know about it–Cock-knocker n. (var. cockknocker) Most linguists contend that this pejorative came into common English use sometime in the late 16th or early 17th Century, and is believed to be a corruption of a 13th Century high German term “Kächennachtmench Wellendschmückler” or literally “man with hollow testicle.” Although a term of endearment in its original Deutsche, it has been used almost exclusively in English as an aspersion.
And even if–and I’m not saying it is–the above paragraph is a pack of lies, let’s go with it.
Thank you. Now that I know it’s meaning I can’t wait to throw it into conversation….first thing tomorrow morning at the office.
We can’t help but admire your style, Alex!
Weed makes me want to eat a lot of cheese and take a big nap. What have politicians got against cheese and napping, I’d like to know?
On another note, I’m not from your country, but I find the drama, the theatre of the political arena so entertaining. You couldn’t make half this shit up. I would also like to thank you for bringing ‘cock-knocker’ to my attention. Here’s to the out-of-control raging of yet another handy meme…
Politicians in Wisconsin are all about cheese, so why not the cheeba?
And can I say how delighted I am to have introduced so many people to cock-knocker? I didn’t coin the term, and thought it had made its way into general use. Perhaps now it will. Hurrah, for cock-knockerism!
I agree with him in the aspect that I think the world would be a better place if everyone smoked weed legally, not just 96% of us ilegally. (Come on 4 percenters, pick it up). But Pat Robertson can still go fuck himself in his own face.
Thanks, Bill!
“not just 96% of us ilegally”–We’re doing our part, we promise.
“But Pat Robertson can still go fuck himself in his own face.”–Can I tell you what a delicious image that is? We’re gonna check our King James Concordance, however, because that has to be some kind of sin.