Tag Archives: Gypsies

Profiles In Dignity III: Wherefore Art Thou, Dignity?

18 Thursday Apr 2013

Posted by in Headlines, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

Four Walls And A Roof Make It A House. Love Makes It A Home.

JUST LIKE CHOCOLATE AND PEANUT BUTTER, SAD & FUNNY ARE TWO GREAT TASTES THAT TASTE GREAT TOGETHER!

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Look, We’re Not Saying The Apple Was Asking For It, But When You Leave The House Without Your Peel And Flaunt Your Pulp For Any Grape, Plum Or Cherry That Comes Along, Somebody’s Gonna Get Juiced.

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In The Hilarious Modern Remake Of “It’s A Wonderful Life,” Little Billy Gets To See What Life Would Be Like If He Had Never Been Born.

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Were You Looking For An Honest Answer Or Did You Want Me To Tell You Something That Won’t Creep You Out?

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“And This Is Where Jesus Likes To Set His Beer.”

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The Answer Is “U”, For “Duck.” Jan Feels That The Comically Over-Sized Mallard Helps To Distract From The Big Swingin’ Meat-Sword She Has Hidden Under That Dress.*

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While It Is Technically True That “A Picture Is Worth 1,000 Words,” It’s A Mistake To Assume That They’re All DIFFERENT Words. For Example, This Photo Just Says “I Will Go To My Lonely Grave Without Ever Having Known The Pleasure Of A Woman’s Touch” 58.823 Times.

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This Sign Proved A Mixed Blessing. On One Hand It Cruelly Mocked A Marginalized People And Reinforced Ignorant Stereotypes And Misapprehensions About Their Ancient Way Of Life. On The Plus Side, Since The Sign Remained In Place For Several Years, It Showed The World That There Are Some Things Even A Gypsy Won’t Steal.

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“You Look Adorable In Your Mermaid Costume, Sweetie. But Something’s Missing–It Doesn’t Proclaim To The World That I’m An Inappropriate Creep And Ridiculously Ill-Suited To Be A Father…Hey, That’s It! I’ve Got Just The Thing. Here, Try These On!”

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His Parents Have Tried Everything–Apple, Orange, Grape, Cranberry And Literally Every Product Ocean Spray Ever Made, But It’s No Use–That Kid Seems To Have A Pathological Hatred Of The Juice.

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PAN DOWN!!!! PAN DOWN!!!!

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I Camp Out In The Parking Lot On Most Nights To Get An Early Start In The Morning.

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* This image comes from back in my teaching days. I found it in a resource for first and second graders. Humanity, you are beautiful–don’t you ever change on us. ∞ T.

Jehovah’s Witnesses: You Might Like To Know

02 Saturday Jun 2012

Posted by in Culture, News, Religion

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Originally posted 10.04.11

By Smaktakula

Although They Don’t Celebrate Holidays, Every Day Is A Party For The Witnesses.

Admit it, you don’t know much about the Jehovah’s Witnesses other than that you fear them. For many, the sight of a well-dressed, smiling couple patrolling the neighborhood can instill the same fear that a gang member would. Unlike that gang member, whose interest in your house is only a possibility, the Witnesses are guaranteed to knock on your door, copy of The Watchtower in hand.

Unlike Jews Or Muslims, The Jehovah’s Witnesses Exist For You To Mock.

You may know some of the more peculiar details of the Witnesses’ faith–the failed doomsday predictions, their lack of cool holidays or Witnesses’ refusal to salute the flag. Moreover, they refuse blood transfusions and military service. Most peculiar of all, like Jews and Seventh Day Adventists, Witnesses choose to ruin their Saturday with church, rather than the accepted Western tradition of Church on Sunday.

Pull The Curtains And Turn Off The TV Unless You’ve Got Three Hours To Kill.

But most people don’t know the price the Witnesses have paid over the years for their anti-militaristic views. Their refusal to serve in World War I angered fascistic governments in Germany and the United States, resulting in persecution and imprisonment.  During the Holocaust, Jehovah’s Witnesses paid with their lives, sent to the camps along with Gypsies, Jews, homosexuals, communists and common criminals. But unlike many of the others, whose offense to Nazi Germany was tied to some immutable condition, all the Witnesses had to do to save their own lives was to shut up about the Holocaust. Contrarians to the end, they refused. Their devotion was such that SS captains implored their lethal stooges to be as fanatical as the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

You Had No Fucking Idea, Did You?

Lastly, everyone must agree that given the Witnesses’ literal belief that only 144,000 souls will be admitted to heaven, it’s pretty generous of them to go door to door every week. With such a small number of the elect slated to make it into heaven, a Jehovah’s Witness puts his or her spot in jeopardy with every knock on the door.

The Witnesses Politely Told The Nazis To Enjoy Relations With Themselves.

World’s Youngest Grandmother Has Some Regrets

06 Friday May 2011

Posted by in Culture, News, Stupidity

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By Smaktakula

Lots Of People Throw Away Their Lives As Teenagers; At Least She Did It For Love.

Twenty-three-year-old Rifca Stanescu had mixed emotions regarding the coming of her first grandson.  Of course she was happy for her twelve-year-old daughter on the birth of her child, but couldn’t help wishing that the girl had waited a few years before following Rifca’s example and throwing her life down the toilet.*

National Geographic's Hard-Hitting Profile Of Romany Culture.

Stanescu can take some satisfaction that her daughter will grow up in an age where she is able to  make her own choices, such as the decision to marry her husband at age 10.  Rifca Stanescu didn’t get to make that choice.  When at 11, her family refused the marriage proposal of her future husband’s family, she was kidnapped and raped, which in Romany (the universally beloved folk formerly known as the Gypsies) culture, apparently means you’re married.

Mishka Is Just Thrilled That She Still Fits Into This Old Thing.

*It is not accidental that Smaktakula employs the verb form of ‘throw’ rather than ‘flush.’  In fact, Romania does not yet have flush toilets. ∞T.