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America's shittier cities, bleary-eyed beatniks, burnouts, cannabis, crotch can also be a verb, demon weed, Department of Homeland Security, Don't touch my junk!, doobage, dope, Flight of the Conchords, ganja, grass, hemp, hempheads, John Tyner, marijuana, pot, quarter sack, reefer, Snoop Dogg, stoners, sweet sweet cheeba, Tommy Chong, Transportation Security Administration, TSA, viral, wasters, wastoids, What the fuck TSA? Flying is scary enough already!, Willie Nelson
By Smaktakula
Tommy Won't Be Flying Any Time Soon. Not In An Airplane, We Mean.
The TSA’s invasive new search procedure has yet to detect any foreign terrorists, and has ignited the passions of an already-frustrated air traveling public following a videotaped encounter between TSA officials and John Tyner. Tyner, whose junk was apparently so sensitive that he took great pains to prevent the TSA from coming in contact with it, posted the encounter on the internet where it went viral. The TSA has been scrambling to downplay the incident and defuse tensions. But amid the maelstrom of explanation and recrimination, one happy piece of news is going unheard.
- As A Pilot, This Gentleman Is Exempt From The Pat Down. Fo Shizzle.
Your next flight will likely be free of cannabis users. Data suggest that because of the TSA’s strict new policy, most stoners–America’s home-grown menace, are electing not to fly. In some very rare instances, a few burnouts are attempting to fly without bringing weed to their destination.
Having previously stripped air-travelling potheads of such reliable hiding places as shoes, toiletries, and false-bottomed beverage containers, the TSA’s new requirements take it up a notch. By paying such meticulous attention the air-traveling public’s groinage, the TSA has effectively removed the last* method stoners have for bringing weed with them to their sundry destinations.
He Will Strike Without Warning Or Pity.
“I don’t think there’s any question that the flying public is safer without marijuana users on airplanes,” said an unnamed TSA official, “Can you imagine what would happen if one of those potheads began to eat another passenger? That doesn’t sound too groovy to me.”
But marijuana activists disagree. “Lame,” says Jeremy, a 21 year-old student. “It’s fascist,” adds fellow student, 22 year-old Gooch, “The people aren’t going to stand for it. I’m writing a letter to my congressman. Or I will. Right now Flight of the Conchords is on, so . . . you know.”
Pro-Marijuana Activists Contend That Visiting America's Shittier Cities Without At Least A Little Cheeba Is Unnecessarily Cruel.
Those burnouts brave enough to travel without Mary Jane are most likely counting on a hookup in their destination city. Invariably, despite the best policing and preventative measures, a few of these bleary-eyed beatniks will have friends or relatives to arrange a hookup upon their arrival, or possibly kick them down a few nugs. But the vast majority will reach their destination and be unable to find cheeba in an unfamilliar city. They will have a really shitty time.
Perhaps then drug abusers will finally get the message. Marijuana ruins lives.
"When A Man Can't Just Crotch A Quarter Sack And Catch His Flight . . . Well, This Ain't The America I Know."
Promethean Times 
What I don’t get is with this whole TSA body-scanning/groping mess is how some people can honestly believe that their right to privacy trumps my right to a false sense of security. Honestly, have they even read the Constitution?
Our guess is they haven’t read much of anything.
Body Scanners DONT Address the Problem They Were Intended to Address!!! We are sacrificing our dignity and civil liberties for a process that doesn’t work. Demand A Better Solution!!!
These new procedures only provide a false sense of security without actually making any of us any safer than we were with the “old school” metal detectors.
So, do you just want Promethean Times to demand a better solution? ‘Cause we do, man–we do. Or was that more of a general call to arms?
First of all Booze, crack, and crystal meth do FAR more damage than the lowly misunderstood pot plant,crystal meth for example is the drug of choice amongst most Americans, a reason why it is so is because the Gov likes it that way, it makes people paranoid and afraid and ready to accept every new slash to their civil liberties in the name of terrorism without question , Pot on the other hand is a safe drug , a friendly drug , and not the killer it is made out to be by the U.S. propaganda machine ,It is a thinking drug…causes people to reflect on what is really going on with their lives and OMG be creative and happy…can’t have that kind of radical thought process going on , could undo years of programming and make people wake up and realize that they are getting screwed royally by the same people that claim to be their “protectors” !!!!
Thanks for responding, Ghostrayven, please come again.
But what about statistics that show if stonerism is allowed to continue unchecked, it will drain America’s valuable snack resources? I know I don’t want to go to the store one day and find that all the Corn Nuts are gone and that Starburst Fruit Chews are nowhere to be seen. Is that the kind of world you want to live in?
The Beatles are damn lucky they lived in the time that they did. New update. As soon as I can I’m movin to Canada.
Watch out at the border crossing!